| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| madrona |
Posted - 07/10/2011 : 07:07:58
My symptoms started September 2009 when I forced myself to wear orthotics that had been prescribed for knee arthritis. I had tried to wear them before but they would make my back hurt. I decided to wear them for the whole day whether they bothered me or not. I woke up the next day with stiffness, numbness and tingling in my legs especially around the knees. I had had a meniscal repair on my L knee 6 months earlier and been told I had moderately severe arthritis in that knee which would ultimately lead to a knee replacement. The orthotics were supposed to help balance out the supposed varus deformity (sort of like bowleggedness although my legs don’t really look bowlegged.)
I went to various doctors and after an MRI and CAT scans found I had severe disk degeneration at L5-S1 and moderately severe at L4-L5 with severe foraminal stenosis and some spinal stenosis. They attributed this pain to this condition.
I also continued to get sciatic pain every once in a while which I had had for years off and on every few months. It was never bad enough it caused a lot of problems but I would have to get up and walk around at least every half hour.
Fast forward a year and a half later, I was taking 90 mg of oxycontin, lyrica and methocarbamol. I can’t walk for more than 20 or 30 minutes on a good day without having to sit. My leg pain disappears when I sit down but sitting will aggravate the sciatic pain which I am having more frequently and more severely than before. The stiffness in my legs is so severe that if I have been inactive for a while I have trouble getting up and have to stand in place and sort of take baby steps to start to walk. If I have been asleep or sitting for more than an hour or so, I need something to hold on to help me get started walking. I also have numbness and tingling in my feet and this curious nerve like pain on the outer sides of my feet. I have to pull over sometimes after driving 20 minutes and walk around. I am also having frequent back pain but this is not constant.
I happen to have two of John Sarno’s books because 15 or so years ago I had frequent back pain and cured my self by reading “Healing Back Pain.” I didn’t think it could be TMS this time because I do have all of the degenerative changes, and the doctors I had seen concluded that the pain was due to the degeneration.
However, after almost two years of pain I was again searching the Internet for help and found this group and other info about TMS. I was actually happy to think that maybe I really did have TMS because at least I might get better. I knew surgery was not the answer and I have spent a lot of time feeling hopeless and suicidal.
I ordered Howard Schubiner’s book, and read and reread three of Sarno’s books. I have been doing the writing exercises and have brought up boatloads of repressed emotions. I have had every loss you can imagine more than once, am living overseas working at a job I don’t like without a good support system, etc.
I have no problems accepting that I may have psychogenic pain, and like I said before I actually hope I do because then there is hope it can go away. However, after all of this soul searching, meditating, writing till I have pain in my hands, the pain doesn’t seem to be budging in any significant way. I have always had better days than others but things don’t seem to be changing in any noticeable way. There are none of the TMS doctors around where I live that I know of.
Because of this lack of progress some doubt creeps in about whether it is TMS since my leg pain and back pain get better if I sit and the sciatic pain if I stand. I have started to decrease some of the drugs I have been taking although I am weaning off as to not suffer symptoms from withdrawal too soon. I don’t think they were not really helping that much with the pain.
I will go to the US for a few weeks, and could possibly see the doctor in Seattle if I could get an appointment but it would have to be a one-time thing as I won’t be staying there, and would have to drive 4 hours to get there.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
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| 2 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| madrona |
Posted - 07/11/2011 : 13:49:53
You bring up good points and I will think about them. I have doubt at the moment and that may be hampering me. However when I finally decided a month or so ago, I think I was convinced I had TMS. The doubt crept in after all of that emotional work didn’t seem to make any progress.
I think I said that I do have lots of issues that could be causing repressed anger, and for me I think my biggest thing is sadness that borders on despair.
I have had many losses in my life, death of my parents, only sibling, boyfriend when I was 25, former close girlfriend, serious health problems, career problems, plus the loss of marriage 10 years ago etc. I thought I had dealt with all of them as well as anybody could.
However, doing the journaling I realized that the death of my mother, and the breakup of my marriage about 10 years ago are probably not as “worked through” as I thought they were. I was actually shocked that I seem to have so much unresolved emotion around these issues. My emotions were as raw as they were 10 years ago. I think maybe these losses were different in that I have some guilt and regret about things that I should have, could have done to change the outcome.
I of course can bring up sadness about all of the other people that I have lost and I expect that I will always feel sad about them. But I guess there is really nothing I feel guilty about there just sadness.
Regarding the pain coming and going, I don’t know what that means. As I said I hope I have TMS because it is curable. I am going to continue to do all I can to follow the advice of Sarno (I have reread three of his books) and Schubiner. Schubiner and Sarno both say that it is helpful to get the diagnosis either that you don't have anything or you do have TMS. It is just that I haven't seen a doctor who has probably heard of TMS and I wondered if I should take the time and expense to do so.
Thanks for commenting. |
| Dave |
Posted - 07/10/2011 : 11:10:21
Since you successfully battled TMS in the past using Dr. Sarno's techniques, it is worth examining what is different this time around.
It seems to me the disc degeneration diagnosis is probably leading you to believe the pain is due to real structural causes and not psychogenic.
Yet, your message indicates some of the hallmarks of TMS:
The sciatic pain comes and goes. If it were due to a structural cause, shouldn't it be constant?
The pain disappears when sitting. Isn't is possible this is due to conditioning?
You are blaming lack of progress as the reason for doubt creeping in, but is this really true? Deep down, have you really been able to dismiss the "severe disk degeneration" diagnosis as the source of the pain?
In your message you only briefly mention the potential psychological factors that may be causing the symptoms. You say that you have brought up "boatloads of repressed emotions" but are you sure that you have truly explored the potential sources of the rage that the child inside you is feeling? And have you truly accepted that these repressed emotions may be the cause of the pain?
Since you have ruled out serious problems, and do not wish to go down the surgical path, what do you have to lose by taking the "leap of belief" and treating your pain as TMS? I suggest you re-read "Healing Back Pain" and follow the treatment suggestions carefully. |
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