| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Suz |
Posted - 07/16/2005 : 21:52:59
It hit me today that I have had enough of hating my parents and blaming them for all the emotional pain that has ultimately lead to physical pain of TMS. Have any of you ever had that feeling that the more one goes to see a psychologist, the more one ends up blaming ones life on someone else. I have been going for 4 months now and I know that the kind doctor's intentions are to help me access my feelings and therefore stop the TMS pain. She is very reputable, referred to me by Dr. Sarno. I am finding every week that I hate my mother just a little bit more every time and I feel terrible terrible anger. The TMS pain has simply shifted to my upper back where it spasms all night long. Hmm - not much better than before just new location. I feel great bouts of depression that I have not felt in years and last night during a terrible back spasm, I felt a little suicidal - well that only lasted 30 seconds but was not fun.
How is all of this better than a year ago when I first came across Sarno? I don't know. I have a very estranged relationship from my mother now who I really avoid talking to at all costs as I can't stand her. I feel the same way towards my sister. This is all after therapy. Life feels much heavier and more serious than it ever has. Now I ask - how could all this be called progress?
I would love to hear others reports on this. I would bet that many of you that have been in therapy for this TMS condition, now have more estranged, more painful relations with your families - TMS pain may have gone but at what cost? Forgive me if I am wrong.
I am thinking of finding another route. I agree 150% with Sarno that all of this pain is from the brain - his theory and diagnosis is absolutely spot on.Most medical doctors are barking up the wrong tree with all of their surgery and physical therapy. But could there not be another approach? After all, I know that this is not structural, I know all about my pain of my childhood. I wonder if there might be another route to switch off the brain's behaviour.
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| 20 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| miehnesor |
Posted - 07/19/2005 : 17:13:39
quote:
Originally posted by Suz
Miehnesor,
My psychologist seems to be very grounded and peaceful to talk to. I feel totally unjudged and safe. I agree with you that I have to go through feeling the anger before I can learn to forgive. I guess it is just so uncomfortable. I just want to know that I will get to the forgiving part.
Suz- the way I look at it is the forgiveness part can come when the TMS symptoms leave. We have a little built in monitor that tells us when we are done. I for one am really not even close. This TMS stuff is really pretty amazing.
For example- I thought after the last year of intensive work to feel the issues with my mom that I was really pretty far along with the work. Except there is just one thing- The TMS is still there loud and clear(although not quite as severe). Then I go and see this therapist today for an individual session for the first time and the whole time i'm talking about my history I was literally shaking and holding back the tears for almost the entire session- and this is my first visit for crying out loud. Feeling like I didn't want to completely come to pieces on my first session I waited till the session was over went into the bathroom and let out the emotions that were banging on the door to come out. Its one thing to know what your issues are on an intellectual issue (and I think i've pretty much got it down in that department) but quite another issue wrt the emotions that just seem to come from nowhere.
The experience also made me think about why I reacted so much stronger to this older female therapist then to the guys in my mens group. I think she was kind of a motherly figure to me and the kid inside must have felt safe enough to let it out. Safety seems to be an absolute necessity in therapy. Otherwise the emotions just stay locked away.
Anyway the TMS feels noticeably better today so this individual therapy is something i'm getting more excited about. I tried individual therapy a number of years ago and it didn't do much for me at the time. Now it's different because this therapist is probably better than the other one (with a lot more experience and a bigger price tag) and i've got a lot more understanding of my own issues and how to get in touch with my emotions.
The work goes on.
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| Laura |
Posted - 07/19/2005 : 11:04:51
Anne,
Your mother and my mother sound like they may have been separated at birth. It was the same in my house. My mother didn't have a job and the house always looked like crap. My Dad worked all day, then would come home and often times make dinner too. He did all the grocery shopping and toted my brother and I everywhere we wanted or needed to go. She was too lazy to even spank us, and many times would tell us "When your father gets home tonight you are going to get it." (One time I do remember her beating me with a wooden spoon, because she had said no more talking and my brother said his own name and pretended to be me. I got the tar beat out of me, and then my brother finally admitted it was him).
I haven't been sleeping well the past couple weeks. My mother is in the hospital, still, and I'm hoping for her to be going home later this week. She is legitimately ill, however, my mother is quite the drama queen so she is milking this for all its worth. She still will not even get on the phone with me, however, I know she talks to my father all day long. She is able to walk around the hospital halls, demand what she wants to eat, and chit chat with the nurses and my Dad - she just can't talk to me. I think there's a big part of me that's pissed off and not dealing with things very well. Also, at the same time, I keep having these weird dreams that I'm in school with my daughters, trying to hang out with them. I know this is my subconscious acting out the fact that my almost 16 year old and 13 year old want to hang with their friends now 24/7, not Mom.
It's sad we were dealt the hand that we were, but at the same time I know that my relationship with my Mother has made me a better parent. I love my two daughters so much and would do anything for them. I am the polar opposite of her.
Laura |
| Allan |
Posted - 07/19/2005 : 10:27:51
Suz.
In an earlier posting I believe that you asked about the path that I took. Here is my response.
I was diagnosed with spinal stenosis. I had back pain and concurrent sciatica pain in both legs for six months. I read Dr. Sarno. I was one of the rare fortunate ones to have had an “ah ha” moment and recover completely in a very short time. Since then, I have been 100% pain free for 100% of the time. It has now been five years.
I considered myself very lucky in that I did not have to wrestle too long with the problem of "whether it was psychological or structural." Maybe I have a gullible type of personality but I just quickly accepted Dr. Sarno's theory. It appears to be difficult for most people because it is so contradictory to what we have learned over the years.
I thought that I was one of the 95% that did not need psychotherapy. The reason for my pain was crystal clear to me. It was obvious. I never considered that repressed rage was causing my pain.
Am I correct in thinking that Dr. Sarno attributed repressed rage and the necessity for psychotherapy to just 5% of the people? If this is so, why are so many persons on the forum having psychotherapy?
If psychotherapy discovers the cause of the problem, does such a discovery make the problem go away? Apparently it does in the few cases in his book, but are these few cases typical? Is psychotherapy usually really beneficial and substantially effective? If so, where are the postings giving credit to psychotherapy? I may be in error here as I may have missed some.
I believe that Dr. Sarno mentions that in most cases the knowledge alone that the cause is psychological and not structural is enough to recover. It appears that acceptance of his theory, which admittedly is difficult, is the major problem in recovery.
Allan.
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| ssjs |
Posted - 07/19/2005 : 08:14:51
I guess it is a mixed blessing that my mom died so many years ago. As I said, I was mostly sad because I didn't feel sad...and that is sooo sad!
My mom also was very needy. If I so much as said that there was a thread hanging from her dress, she would look all sad and say something like "you say that to a mother?" Like I insulted her or something.
There wasn't a thing could say to her. Nothing with or without meaning.
When she died, I realized that I had only eaten lunch...as two adults...out with her maybe once in my life. We really had no friendship. No mother daughter relationship to speak of.
My life is easier now. How sad!
Sandy
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| n/a |
Posted - 07/19/2005 : 07:56:58
This topic relating to parental relationships always hits the spot with some of us and always resonates very strongly with me.
If anything negative came out of my work to heal myself, it was the relationship with my mother altered because of it. When my father became ill with dementia about a year before his death, I supported him and my mother through it, never questioning that I owed so much of myself to caring for them. I felt incredibly guilty any day that I put myself first and didn't go to their house.
The TMS back pain really got a hold at that time.
After my father died I automatically set about doing everything I could for my mother, even selling our house and moving into one in the street next to hers.
My psychotherapist helped me uncover a depth of anger and resentment against my mother that is quite frightening. Not that I would ever harm her in any way, but the child in me resents bitterly having to take care of everything for her. She has been a helpless and needy person probably for most of her life. She left the caring of me and my brother to my father - she didn't work outside the home either.
The thing is, she actually does need help now and I have to provide it - what kind of monster would abandon an old lady in her eighties? I'm still looking for that other route as well, Suz. It's not a good feeling this anger. |
| Marg |
Posted - 07/18/2005 : 18:17:29
And I would love to tell you about the spiritual side. It is certainly there and I have felt the support of my angels. I shall tell you a wee story, which has happened to three days after picking up Dr Sarno's book.
Three days into the programme, in the wee small hours of the morning I am lying in bed awake, tears have been falling and I here the voice of my father as clear as a bell.
He said “Happy Birthday”. It made me smile, what else could he say. It was not my birthday, but those words for me carried a lot of love. Anyway, the next day my daughter gives me her school newsletter. And in good old Marg fashion it was another day before I read it. There was a poem in the newsletter, “A Birthday Blessing” and it went like this;
A Birthday Blessing
May you sip contentedly from the fragrant wine of life
May you stretch eagerly into the opening light of each new day
May you discover kernels of wisdom hidden in unwanted experiences
May you find comfort and consolation when you are hurting
May you know the protection and guidance of your angels
May you know the tender voice of the Beloved calling to you in the deepest part of your being.
May you have a soul friend whose unconditional love gives you courage to keep growing
May you be a bearer of loving kindness when you meet those who suffer
May you gather your daily blessings to your heart and relish their presence
May you never give up seeking greater peace for yourself and for your world
May you go to sleep each evening aware of being held in the embrace of a merciful and welcoming God
May you hear the marvellous music singing in your soul every moment, lauding the exquisite of being alive.
You can imagine how much strength I gathered from these words. I think the voice I heard could have easily have been that of my brother who died 30 years ago. A brother killed in a car accident at the age of 20. A brother who hurt me with very hard with some inappropriate behaviour. I was 7 years younger. I believe he has been back to say sorry. Marg.
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| Laura |
Posted - 07/18/2005 : 11:03:03
Suz,
The conversations you have with your Mom sound very similar to the ones I have with mine. It's amazing! Have you ever had this happen - you call your mother because you really are upset about something and you need to talk, but when you call her all she does is start talking about herself and all of her problems? This is my relationship with my mother. Everything is about her, even if it's on my dime. I've called her countless times where I've been upset and needing to talk and the minute she answers the phone she's off and running, telling me all her frustrations and about all the people who have snubbed her or done her wrong. She's been in the hospital for almost two weeks, and is on the mend and coming home in another day or two. But the whole time she's been in there she hasn't wanted to talk to me. I've asked my dad several times to put her on and he simply says "She doesn't want to talk." I've tried to be respectful of that but I know she talks to him all day so her mouth is still working.
I think the hardest thing for me is having a mother like her and then being a mother myself of two teenage daughters. I have always been so close to them and now all they want to do is be with their friends, not me. The feeling I have is that nobody needs me, not my mother or my kids. I understand this is normal teenage stuff, but it's really hard when you have always been close to your daughters.
Last night I did not sleep well (haven't in weeks) and when I was sleeping I was having nightmares, one of which I realized that my oldest daughter has three more years of high school and then she's out of here and off to college. As I lay in bed in the dark at 3:45 in the morning, I started having really scary thoughts. They were thoughts about getting old, getting cancer, losing my eye sight, anything bad I could think of. I really have abandonment issues!!! I think if I could ever find someone good to talk to I would get them to help me work through this. Not sleeping night after night is not a good thing.
Laura
P.S. Suz, I'm glad to hear how you vented in the car with your fiance. Hang on to him - he sounds like a good guy.
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| Suz |
Posted - 07/18/2005 : 11:03:03
Miehnesor,
My psychologist seems to be very grounded and peaceful to talk to. I feel totally unjudged and safe. I agree with you that I have to go through feeling the anger before I can learn to forgive. I guess it is just so uncomfortable. I just want to know that I will get to the forgiving part.
Although last night, I definitely felt no guilt for the first time. I realized that my mother is totlly incapable of mothering in an effective, supportive way and that I have every right to be very very angry at her as i really missed out on a loving childhood. However, I believe that she has no idea at all and really does try to help. She is extremely bad at it. I feel very justified in my anger and I feel ok. with that. This seems to be a breakthrough for me. I am getting good at letting it all out instead of keeping it in. Wow - could this be progress? I am also going to journal the days stresses each evening as I think that my take care of my very stressful job. I often don't feel good enough as my boss has very high standards and the pace is very fast. He is a nice man but I often don't feel good enough.
It seems that I have to do work in addition to the hour with the therapist. Journalling and maybe punching a few cushions at home and a bit of screaming seems to help. It is a quite simple process really when you think about it from that angle |
| johnnyg |
Posted - 07/18/2005 : 10:31:51
I had some recent discussion with my mom to try and clear some of the past stuff up. But you can only get so far with that. There's no way that it could be worth losing a relation ship with a parent just so you can vent about all the bad childhood stuff. (I'm assuming here, of course, that the parents didn't really F you up in some sadistically criminal way). I've also been of the belief that you got to get past it once you realize what went wrong.
Anyway, Suz, I agree with your last post and I think that if anyone doubts that Sarno provided the key to the cure, then that probably explains why they are not getting better. |
| miehnesor |
Posted - 07/18/2005 : 10:23:45
Suz- I can relate to the frustration and pain you are going through as I've been diving into anger issues with my mother intensively over the last year and have been feeling a lot of very strong emotions of anger and letting myself have the anger.
When I hear what your mother does to you and how invalidating of YOUR feelings she is it angers me probably because I've gotton some of that from my mother.
I liked that you let loose in the car and let your feelings out with your fiance. He seems like a good man and one that is letting you have your feelings and not trying to talk you out of feeling the way you do. I suspect that is one good reason why you are attracted to him.
The problem with therapy, as Laura's post so apply states, is that you have to get a therapist that has worked out their own unconscious issues and has healed themselves so that they can really be there for you. As us TMS'ers know that is no easy task and often takes years of work. Alice Miller's Drama of the Gifted Child (as Hilery's post points out) is excellent in that it outlines this problem in detail. John Bradshaw is also excellent on this stuff. Finding a good therapist is not easy but can make all the difference in the world to feeling your true feelings. I'm currently trying to find a therapist now and hope that I can find one to work more intensively on all this pent up emotion from early childhood.
I know a lot of people on this board believe that there is another way to heal by trying to live in the present and let the past be the past. After all your parents did the best they could and probably came from disfunction families also. But this approach denies and makes us feel guilty for having our feelings and if we could have our feelings when we had them instead of repressing them then we wouldn't be posting on this website but would be pain free and living in the present. I'm with Hilery in that I don't believe we can really honestly forgive unless we had felt what we need to feel and let the emotions have there day(or year or years as the case may be).
Bradshaw outlines his version of grieving. The first is grieving your own grief (feeling your own feelings). Then after that step is done then you go on to grieving your parents grief (or demethologizing your parents). Many folks go to step number two before finishing step one. As you and many others on the board have discovered it can take years to get past stage number one.
Suz- don't get too distracted. Stay the painful course. I believe it is the right path.
I've got to go now- got to spend time with my son. |
| Suz |
Posted - 07/18/2005 : 10:12:52
JohnnyG,
Fabulous points you make! I am not suggesting an alternative to Sarno's "cure" - as thanks to him, I know that this physical stuff comes from repressed anger and anxiety. I would never have known that without Sarno. I think there could be an alternative for the 5%to Psychotherapy. I had a very restful day yesterday - spent quality time with my fiance - did very little and really unwound. I believe that stress reduction is very important - something that I need to work on. This probably reduces adding to the pool of repressed rage in my unconscious. I find that spiritual means help me do this. I seem to be finding that expressing my emotions is also really important. I got really angry after talking to my mum - and I screamed and freaked out. Last night, I had the first good night's sleep that I have had in ages -with very very little pain. |
| johnnyg |
Posted - 07/18/2005 : 10:04:41
This thread is similar to some past ones where the idea of something more (or different?) is needed for some people to get rid of pain completely. I gather that this creates a rift between some posters. If you analyze it logically, though, it shouldn't be considered heresy to consider other methods as long as they don't undo any of the good that came from TMS therapy.
Think about the small percentage that Doc S sends to psychotherapy. He has for all intents and purposes "cut them loose" under the assumption that psychotherapy is what they need and he can do no more. This asssumption has a basis in the fact that the ultimate cause of TMS is unconscious emotions and that the cure for TMS lies in the knowledge that unconscious emotions cause the pain. However, if this knowledge alone does not effect a cure, there is much less evidence to support the assumption that 'uncovering' the past repressed emotions in psychotherapy is the only way or even the best way to become ultimately cured.
It may be that the good doc left it at that because he had to bow out at some point. Isn't it possible that TMS therapy works its' cure by making us aware that repressed emotions (the ones that are never conscious) are the culprit, but does little to help us with the emotions that become supressed (the ones that originate in the conscious and then get tucked away). Doesn't it make some amount of sense that a therapy that helps us to avoid supression and reduce stress can help get us over the hump to where we need to be. |
| Suz |
Posted - 07/18/2005 : 09:08:23
Allan,
Thanks for this info. I am very interested in reading those books. What path have you taken? I assume that you must have TMS as you are posting here. Did you recover just from reading Sarno's book or has it taken more work?
Thanks
Suz |
| Allan |
Posted - 07/18/2005 : 07:49:16
Suz.
Don't buy "Consilience." Wilson is a well known naturalist and his book is primarily about science and nature. There is only one page where he repudiates Freud, but he does it decisively.
The other two are on Amazon and you can buy them for less that $10.00 used. I recommend them both. If you are only buying one, buy “Three Minute Therapy.
I believe that psychotherapy and the review of childhood traumas may have its place and utility. It has certainly worked for some.
May I suggest that Dr. Sarno is a pioneer and like all pioneers others build on the original idea and, hopefully, improve on it It could be that the concept of working in the present and improving the future could be the standard therapy of the future. Who knows?
Allan.
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| Suz |
Posted - 07/17/2005 : 20:47:00
Wow - I just got back from going out with friends and there are all these wonderful posts from all of you. How grateful I feel to have all of these kind and helpful people here!
I am not sure what my path will be. Alan - I have a sneaky feeling that therapy is not all it is cracked up to be. I am interested in those books.
It is very interesting to hear of different people's paths with therapy. I had an eye opening situation this afternoon. I called my mother with the intention of seeing how she is. I have not had that urge in a long time but decided to put her first and ask how she is doing despite all of the things I have been discussing in therapy. Over the last couple of months, I have not been calling her - sort of avoiding her because I felt so much hatred for her. I have also not been sharing anything personal with her as I just don't feel or receive the words or support I need - so what's the point. Well today, it slipped out that my back pain is back and I also told her I was seeing a psychologist- at Sarno's recommendation. What was I thinking???? She was horrified - asking me hundreds of questions - why was I seeing her, why was the back pain back etc etc. I realized that this was the pattern that we always go through - i have to prove to her why I am doing something - as if I am in court and she is the prosecution. I end up getting sucked into providing a long defense until I am exhausted - normally she gets a few digs at me - like - "well you are just so sensitive" or "why do you have these problems - I have never had problems" or she talks about how other people don't have any of these issues. Basically as the conversation goes on, I begin to feel like a freak. This time, I was very different in I told her directly - well, Mum, the pain is really bad and this is the recommended "cure". I was open and direct with her. In retrospect, I should have said - stop questioning me, this is what I am doing Period. We moved onto a different topic, but I got off the phone and felt that familiar beaten up/numb feeling - sort of a dark, deep pit in my stomach. My fiance was picking me up to go to our friends house and I was just numb. I started to tell him and I just let go- I was screaming and crying in the car -totally crazy! I never do this. I told him - please let me express this anger as I really need to. He knows the TMS drill and he let me go. When I got to the friends house, I waited in the car for about 15 minutes and went through all the emotions. This was very very good for me. I actually stopped and felt. I felt physically sick but I did it.
Funny though - I still feel that this was her way of panicking and that she is really worried about me. She wants to help me. Although I never feel helped or reassured. I just feel alone and unsupported. She is unable to be constructive. She then turned to a topic - asking my advice on something. I am as always the parent. This is the relationship i know. I give her advice and I receive nothing myself. I normally receive a detailed critique of my character failings.
There is another possible path I have been pondering on. After going through a divorce four years ago, my life took a terrible dive for the worse. I ended up with an addiction problem and so entered a spirtitual program for recovery. This program (based entirely on God/higher power - whatever you want to call it) cured me of my addiction and a whole host of things - bulimia, smoking cigarettes, deep depression - basically my life transformed. I have been in a very successful job now for three years and am engaged to a wonderful man. All this came about when I put my trust in something greater than human life and I started to pray. I have to say that I had barely ever prayed in my life before so this was pretty weird.
So - my questions is - how about applying the same approach to this TMS. By the way, I have to add that I found Sarno one week after I started to pray for help with my back. Quite the weirdest thing - random people at work and at my office cafeteria (who i had never even spoken to) - saw me limping and started talking to me about Sarno. I heard about Sarno 6 times over the next week. I went to see him one month later and the rest is history.
I am nervous bringing up the spiritual approach as I know it can freak some people out (me included a few years ago!!) I believe God works through people. I am rambling now - I wonder if anyone has managed to combine this work with a kind of faith or spiritual aspect. I would love to know |
| mala |
Posted - 07/17/2005 : 19:18:39
Laura,
Thank you for kind comments. I think that there is a possibility that my mother knows what she is doing is wrong but doesn't have the ability nor the intelligence to do anything about it. She really does think that it is her right to dictate how her kids should live. When I asked her the other day to give us credit for the things that we had acheived in our lives she said "well, who do you think that was because of?' meaning that she would take credit for all that was good and slag us for anything that didn't go according to her 'scheme of work'.
It has been tiring and frustrating having to deal with all of this and frankly I've had enough. It takes up too much energy and doesn't lead anywhere. Things are hashed and brought up again and again and nothing ever changes. Nothing will until she decides to change. It is my mom who needs to see the therapist not me and there is not a chance in hell that she will ever do that. You can only deal with issues that you have some degree of control. I think that keeping my distance is the best solution.
Here's a bit by Kalil Gibran which I think all parents should read.
Children
And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of
Children."
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit,
not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you
with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that
is stable.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
| ssjs |
Posted - 07/17/2005 : 18:52:47
Suz,
my first therapist was recommended by Sarno. She helped alot but she cost $100 and that was 17 yrs ago! She recommended one for my son, who was having anger problems (suprise suprise). Eventually I started seeing the one my son saw, and that worked out great.I I guess I have been very lucky because she has really helped me.
She is being "nice" to me, and "only" charging $90. I am sure that will go up soon.
But it has been so great for me. I am a different person.
The work is hard, but it is worthwhile.
I used to see myself as a sad victim...now I feel strong and in charge...most of the time!
Although I have been known to talk too much...
Sandy |
| Laura |
Posted - 07/17/2005 : 18:11:02
Suz,
I have seen different therapist throughout my lifetime, even long before I knew about Dr. Sarno and his work. When I first moved to California back in 1984, I began to experience panic attacks that were so bad they put me in the emergency room. I saw a psychiatrist who was not too helpful who diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and suggested I take Ativan. Since the panic attacks began one day after I had taken medication for a cold (decongestant, cough medicine, antibiotics and a large cup of coffee) I became phobic of taking anything (even a Tylenol!) I soon realized he wasn't helping me (after about four or five visits at $150 per hour) so I stopped. I do not believe he was a Freudian therapist.
About a year later, we moved from West Hollywood (the city) out to a more rural area about an hour north of Beverly Hills. I had no friends at all, was missing my family (mainly my sister), and felt all alone. Then, I got pregnant and we were thrilled but scared to be expecting our first child. On a vacation in Maui, I got some water in my ear and my ear became infected and plugged up from the ear drops. I freaked out and had a major panic attack. From that point on, I've had the "ear phobia." Just the thought of water in my ears freaks me out. When we got back from the trip, I started having many panic attacks which were worsed by colds. If I got a cold, I freaked if my ears got plugged. About a month before our daughter was born I started remembering being molested as a young girl by a grandparent. It was awful. After our daughter was born I was having panic attacks quite a bit and sought out the services of a gestalt therapist named Donald Dossey, who was a pioneer in something he called "Keying," which was basically neurolinguistic programming. There is a book and I think it's called From Frogs to Princes by Bandler and Grinder and Dr. Dossey's work was based on that. He wrote a book and he sold his series of tapes, which I bought. I began seeing him once per week (at $175 per session) for six weeks. He felt that psychotherapy was not the correct way to conquer fears and phobias and that his methods were better. My time spent with him didn't do a lot for me though so I was back to square one.
Eventually, I found a hypnotherapist who I saw for awhile. She was a psychologist who practiced hypnotherapy. That didn't do a lot for me either and it seemed like she was trying to convince me of things that I was not sure were true. She kept suggesting I divorce my husband as well. She would always say "You aren't happy now but would you be happy if you left your husband?" She had suffered a bitter divorce and I think she hated men.
Some years later, in about 1994 or 1995, I began seeing a therpist that came highly recommended to me by a friend. This lady herself had OCD and would tell me about how she needed to check that she locked the door, and things like that. It was kind of weird talking to her because sometimes I felt like I was listening to her problems. She did help me a little but not much so I stopped going.
The last therapist I saw was Dr. Don Dubin, recommended by Dr. David Schechter. He is very nice but I didn't get a lot from that either. He pretty much kept repeating the same things to me every week and a lot of the time I felt like he wasn't even really there listening to me. In fact, the last time I saw him he kept answering the phone because he was all distraught over losing his day planner. His wife called and he sat there talking to her about it. About 15 minutes before my one hour session was supposed to be over he said "Well, that's it" and stood up. I decided that I was done with that.
As you can see, I haven't had much luck with therapists. If I found someone good, I'd stick with them for awhile. Sometimes I have felt that it isn't good to keep wallowing in all the crap from my childhood though. I don't know what the answer is but I wish you the best on your journey. Stick with it for awhile and see if you start seeing results. The worst thing that can happen is you'll stop and maybe find someone else.
Laura
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| Laura |
Posted - 07/17/2005 : 17:52:58
Mala,
I read that post under the thread I started and I wanted to tell you thank you for sharing about your mother and I'm sorry to hear about the way she treats you. It is sad. If only our parents could realize what they are doing!!!
Laura
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| mala |
Posted - 07/17/2005 : 17:29:34
Suz,
Hi, if you are interested, I posted a longish message just the day before yesterday under the topic 'oops, I did it again' . I've tried to explain my own relationship with my mother and the recent steps I have taken which have proven to be effective for me.
I basically told her just days ago that I won't be involved in any sort of relationship with her until she learns how to behave herself and conducts herself in a manner that is befitting and dignifying to both herself and her 2 daughters. Hope it helps.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
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