| Author |
 Topic  |
|
positivevibes
204 Posts |
 Posted - 05/28/2008 : 16:16:44
|
Campbell, you sound a lot like me. My first career choice was to be a broadcast journalist. My college major was broadcasting with a minor in journalism. Hell, I wanted to be a TV anchor! I had an internship at CBS in NYC on their "brand new" 5 o'clock news (this was around 1982). It was SO stressful, I can't begin to tell you. I hated it, much to my surprise. I mean, being there at CBS in NY was quite exciting, but the daily pressures were excruciating -- and the competition for "real jobs" after the internship was ruthless. My classmates who did internships in other departments had a great time and got job offers. The news dept was different -- nobody got job offers, but we were invited to stay on for free as go-fers for another year and maybe possibly THEN, IF there was an opening and you did enough ass-kissing.... Sheesh, I had expenses -- I needed to make money, not schlep into the city and not get paid!
At the time, I had a part-time paying job at a daily newspaper, writing obituaries and occasional little features and being a go-fer. Working in TV had been my dream, but the reality was quite harsh. The newspaper was a lot more comfortable and when they offered me a full time job with a byline in the Lifestyle dept after graduation I grabbed it. Aside from the fact that the publisher was a foul alcoholic letch who sometimes made our lives miserable, it was a great job. (He has since become a born-again Christian, which I find quite ironic).
But you know, ambition can be a person's undoing. I couldn't get any higher at that paper as a journalist (I would've had to get a masters degree in journalism and I didn't want to do that). I liked working there, so I took a job in the internal workings of the paper as the internal communications editor. I thought, "hey I'll translate my writing ability into the corporate world and make more money!" Wow, that was a huge mistake, because it turned out that my boss was a creep and HIS boss was the publisher! (The people in Editorial had been SO MUCH NICER!) I almost had a nervous breakdown -- they really raked me over the coals -- and shame on them for doing that to a 20-something girl who was just trying to find her way in life! I left the job, having to re-assess my goals. I won't tell you the rest of the long story of my various careers, but overall they've been successful -- in the realm of "earning money" I think I'm happiest now working here from home with the internet business I created.
Looking back on it, I was not listening to my true calling. I should have gone into TV entertainment or radio or lifestyle journalism (because I really enjoyed those things). MTV was just starting up and I could have gotten into that (several of my college classmates made it up the ranks at MTV and VH1 before getting burned out in their early 40s and leaving).
So why didn't I pursue those things? To me journalism was more "noble;" more "real." Entertainment was "silly" and "not as meaningful to pursue." News journalism was the "real" career -- the one where everyone would take me seriously. Even if I'd followed my classmates to MTV or VH1 and had eventually gotten burned out like them, I would have been closer to my true calling than trying to pursue hard news journalism.
They say that the sum of your life experiences makes you what you are now. That is true. I just wish I hadn't had to walk through the fire at such a young age. It all boils down to doing what OTHERS think is better for you, and in that, denying your own voice. I just didn't listen to my inner voice back then. If it's one thing I will teach my daugthers it is that. Be who you really are and everything else will fall into place. God knows, that is easier than trying to be something that is just not really "you." |
Edited by - positivevibes on 05/28/2008 16:20:36 |
 |
|
|
campbell28
80 Posts |
Posted - 05/29/2008 : 16:08:57
|
that does all sound scarily familiar! I had always from when I was very small wanted to write fiction for a living - I sort of fell into journalism because I couldn't think what the hell else to do as my writing wasn't going anywhere.
After doing a news journalism course I started at a local paper on features, but made it very clear I wanted to move over to news (because, exactly like you said, I felt it was more noble, useful, 'proper' journalism whereas features was fluffy and pointless). While I had had RSI since I started doing the journalism course, it was pefectly manageable till i moved over to news: then it completely kicked off.
again, ambition was defnitely my own undoing. I was trying to live up to some standard that didn't even exist, feeling I had to prove myself, when I actually what I was really good at was features and writing: I am not a natural reporter. Plus - like at your first job - it was all incredibly stressful , and the editor was an incompetent b******d and there was a general atmosphere of staying late and burning out for very little renumeration.
like you say, it was all about being something I was not: trying to make myself into another person, and inside completely resenting it: pushing myself one way while completely pulling back somewhere inside my head. it is very interesting to hear you had such a similar experience. i always find it reasssuring when that happens, it sort of helps back up or reaffirm the fact that there is emotional stuff behind the physical.
It sounds like you are now finding your way towards being able to do what is right for you and not for anybody else: I hope you get there! I think I am getting there too. this whole thing has been incredibly enlightening. even though its been horrible, I don't regret any of it. I don't even regret going in completely the wrong direction and crashing out. going the right way now I hope. |
|
|
|
Topic |
|
|
|
I fell down hard on my hip -- really scared
