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MAbbott
USA
27 Posts |
 Posted - 08/19/2008 : 15:49:35
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I think it's time I wrote my own success story. Or should I say my own personal miracle?
In the fall of 2005 I was rear-ended by an SUV. The Volvo wagon I was driving was bent in half. I wasn't actually injured although my brain was a bit rattled - I couldn't do simple math for a few months - and I had post traumatic stress syndrome. About 6 months later, I experienced the classic moment while about to get off the couch: "I can't move." I had never experienced pain like this and had NEVER had a back problem. I knew it was a spasm, it went down the leg, etc etc. I will skip the details of the next year and a half of crawling through my life, giving up every physical activity I have ever enjoyed, unable to sit, stand or lie down. Frankly, now I don't see how I made it through working, driving a carpool, and all the other normal things we do throughout our day. Suffice it to say, I became resigned to being disabled by pain because every possible medical intervention did not help.
Enter Sarno. I read one of his books and argued with him in my mind for three days - I couldn't sleep at all as I fought with his concepts. But I HAVE A PHYSICAL PROBLEM (herniated disks, arthritis, piriformis, sciatica blah blah blah) Dr Sarno! Then I decided to throw myself into the program - I had absolutely nothing to lose and it gave me a new angle anyway. I eventually got all of his books and books by many others on the same topic. Sarno and others were able to instill some confidence that I actually didn't have a physical problem.
That gave me the courage to defy the pain and shift my attention to my inner world. I had been in deep conflict over some practices at the non-profit where I worked that I felt were unethical. I had major "father-baggage." I had ridiculously high standards for myself. I had completely adopted a self criticism that ran so deep it took me months to peel the layers away and find the real me hiding in there. I am 55 years old - this stuff was deeply ingrained. I railed against it, cast it out so to speak. I did whatever I could to shift my perceptions of myself.
Part of shifting included visualizing the active person I once was -- complete with the exhilarating feelings that come with physical challenges. I made a collage with pictures of everything I wanted to be. I studied it every day. I walked in a swimming pool every morning (even in 29 degree weather) and visualized climbing mountains and how awesome the view was and how strong I felt. Every pain I had reminded me of the psychological pain I had lived with all my life and I demanded that my mind release it - I was/am finished with it.
The first walk I took which was one mile, was thrilling. This was about 2 months into the new program. I was exhausted, but happy. After 1 1/2 years of no activity I wasn't really surprised to be as de-conditioned as I was. Determined to continue conditioning, I gave myself the freedom to sleep as much as I needed to, but that I had to continue walking.
Pain shifted to my wrists. It was bad. I decided to try the reward system. I promised myself something I wanted if I didn't have pain for two weeks. When it crept in, I reminded it. I know it sounds crazy but I did have this ongoing dialog with my own mind! It worked, the wrist pain went away and I got the thing I wanted. Now for the shoulders - will this never end??!! Different approach. I got weights and started lifting them "take that, pain!"
And finally, I learned that I have to journal frequently to keep symptoms at bay. In reality, what journaling does for me is to honor and acknowledge my internal process. I accept that I need that. It is private. It's like knowing that there is someone who will listen and will always be there.
I have read dozens of books, they all help. Most recently I have enjoyed Louise Hay's new DVD, You Can Heal Your Life and discovered people and books like Cheryl Richardson's The Unmistakable Touch of Grace,and Wayne Dyers' The Power of Intention.
Here's the best part: Less than one year after thinking I was disabled but starting the TMS journey, I have been hiking in the Sierra twice, have done lots and lots of local hiking and birdwatching AND I am about to go Backpacking again, which was my ultimate dream. I have been training with the pack on my back and I am rarin' to go!
How attached are you to the idea that you are a weak person, needing lots of attention, acknowledgment, care and gentle handling? How much do you need to constantly correct your world? Is everything always just a little off? These views cause pain. If I can change, so can you. I made a lifetime career of needing help and having problems. I finally had enough and got down to business with myself. And now I am relishing the success.
Recently I saw a movie that had a scene that disturbed me very much. I immediately developed sciatica and intense back pain. With it came sorrow. I recognized that the physical pain was showing me how emotionally painful that experience was. It happened but it doesn't rule me anymore. In a way, the sciatica was useful and I can see that all the pain I experienced was useful, as it moved me along on my life's path. I am out of the job that caused me so much conflict, and new and exciting things are on the horizon for me. Best of all, I can do whatever I want!
Thanks for listening.
M. Abbott |
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Elorac
United Kingdom
41 Posts |
Posted - 08/20/2008 : 08:39:22
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Mary, thankyou for writing such an inspiring post. You have really made my day. "exhilarating feeling", that's something I haven't had for some time, but I look forward to the next time and can see it on the horizon.
I too have an ongoing internal dialog with my mind, I thought it was just me!
Thanks again, Carole. |
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kik1969
USA
7 Posts |
Posted - 08/25/2008 : 14:26:53
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| thanks so much. Just starting back here after complete relapse. Your story helped me and I can tell just reading this stuff I'm going to get better. I am about as scarred by psychological and brain damage forces as a person can get and still be pretty normal. But after spending my 30's in bed (almost 39) I want the next year and the next decade to be something free from the psychological and physical bonds of torment that have kicked my butt so severely. |
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My good story
