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Uma
USA
31 Posts |
 Posted - 08/07/2011 : 14:56:48
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Hi everyone,
I just wanted to say out loud to witnesses that I have fallen off the wagon, and ask for any "get back on the horse" encouragement. 
I was doing pretty good for a while, even dealing with some other symptoms besides pain and fatigue and anxiety (such as dizziness and hot flashes) but recently I just feel like I am back to ground zero. [EDIT: I am not actually at ground zero because I'm not currently experiencing dizziness or hot flashes and my sinuses have improved partway!] Everything is achy and I would lie in bed all day if I could.. and my mind keeps going to what I've been eating, that I need a new bed, too much time at the computer, too intense a workout, irregular sleep schedule.. even when I know it is TMS I still go to the thinking of: well, the TMS tightens my spine so I should do some more yoga and feldenkrais to help release it. Then I feel better for an hour or so then it's back to the drawing board.
To be fair to myself I did go through a very difficult event about a week ago that could be called a minor trauma -- maybe this is where the flareup really started because it is sort of too painful to think about--the sorrow, sadness, and guilt & remorse. Plus all the other frustrations and ambivalences in my life right now, including some scheduling/travel decisions I need to make soon that are very difficult.
I have been writing each day a list of pressures/stresses/etc. but that's not enough at the moment. I try to think psychological whenever I can but it seems like sort of a desperate effort to get rid of the pain with my thoughts. Whenever i see my therapist and he helps me get in contact with my true thoughts & emotions (and gets me to cry & scream about them), the pain dissipates for maybe the rest of that one day, then returns.
So, I thought maybe saying this and hearing any comments could help jar me out of this mud I feel like I'm stuck in.
Thanks so much TMS forum!!
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Edited by - Uma on 08/07/2011 16:02:41 |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 08/09/2011 : 10:23:32
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quote:
Originally posted by Uma
To be fair to myself I did go through a very difficult event about a week ago that could be called a minor trauma -- maybe this is where the flareup really started because it is sort of too painful to think about--the sorrow, sadness, and guilt & remorse. Plus all the other frustrations and ambivalences in my life right now, including some scheduling/travel decisions I need to make soon that are very difficult.
Focus on this. You must force yourself to deal with the most difficult emotional issues, the very ones you do not want to face. These are what the distractions are trying to prevent you from feeling. |
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Uma
USA
31 Posts |
Posted - 08/09/2011 : 19:14:18
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quote:
Originally posted by Dave
quote:
Originally posted by Uma
To be fair to myself I did go through a very difficult event about a week ago that could be called a minor trauma -- maybe this is where the flareup really started because it is sort of too painful to think about--the sorrow, sadness, and guilt & remorse. Plus all the other frustrations and ambivalences in my life right now, including some scheduling/travel decisions I need to make soon that are very difficult.
Focus on this. You must force yourself to deal with the most difficult emotional issues, the very ones you do not want to face. These are what the distractions are trying to prevent you from feeling.
Thanks Dave. I really felt like I had a simultaneously migraine and flu coming on but after a therapy session yesterday (where I released a LOT of frustration, grief, sorrow, etc.) it simply moved through and the symptoms went away. But it seems like a long time between therapy sessions and I want to be able to do this for myself (without needing a soundproof room). At least the therapy shows & convinces me that the symptoms are mainly emotional energy stuck in the physical...
So at the moment now I have freedom from the more severe symptoms but still that "fibro" feeling of underlying nagging achy tension and pain that (seemingly) won't leave me alone. For some reason this seems even harder to kick than the more dramatic symptoms sometimes. Maybe it is craftier.
Thanks for the support. |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 08/12/2011 : 10:57:46
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quote:
Originally posted by Uma
...For some reason this seems even harder to kick than the more dramatic symptoms sometimes.
The reason is simple. The symptoms that grab your attention the most are the ones that will persist, because they are serving their purpose. These are not necessarily the worst symptoms, but the nagging ones that you can't seem to ignore.
Whenever you are aware of the symptoms force yourself to deal with those difficult emotions. It is good that the therapy is working, but do not assume you cannot access those same emotions on your own. It may be more difficult, and you may not be as successful, but you have to try.
It is the trying that is important, regardless of whether or not you actually tap into them. This sends a message to your unconscious mind that despite the symptoms, you are still going to focus on those difficult emotions.
It is a reconditioning process and it takes persistence and time. Take a long-term view of recovery and do not get derailed by temporary setbacks. Accept the symptoms as a benign reminder that you still have a lot of emotional work to do.
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Falling off the wagon
