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balto

839 Posts

Posted - 12/13/2012 :  09:29:15  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
It take me a while to sit down and write this, My life right now is so full with love and happiness that I find it so hard to sit for long for fear of missing out on living life. :)

I hope by reading another healing story will help you in your journey to better health. Mind and Body.

First, I want to tell you a little about my background. Because I think it would help you understand better why I get tms/anxiety. I grown up in the war torned country of Vietnam. At 16 I escaped from Vietnam and spend almost a year in refugee camp in Malaysia and Phillipine and came to the US in 1981 alone, I was one of those boat people. I am now 48. I came from a lovely and wonderful family. Love my mom and very proud of my dad. Eight wonderful siblings and we got along very well. There is always love and laughter in our house, even the air raid and the bombing outside couldn't silent us for long. I would say my childhood is great and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I was always happy and always healthy, carefree and confidence.

My Mindbody syndrome started in the late 80's, I made a surprise visit to my long time girlfriend and caught her with another guy. My world turned up side down that day and nothing is the same since. All my tms/anxiety symptoms started soon after that. The sleepless night, the anger triggered stress I constantly feel, the loneliness that never leave... turn into anxiety and IBS. My head feel foggy all the time, I feel like a zomby, I just get up and go to work then drive home to spend the rest of the day all alone, everyday. Every where I go I have to know exactly where the closest bathroom is. I have to stand at the closest exit when I'm in any building, just incase my stomach is acting up. Probiotic, tumtum, and all kind of med my doctor gave me... rarely help. Xanax gave me a weird feeling so I stop taking it. Zoloft is not any better. So I just endure my anxiety and IBS. Long story short, here is the list of symptoms I had suffered from for almost 20 years:
- Anxiety & panic attack, agoraphobia, ptsd, depression, suicidal, headache, IBS and other digestive problem, CFS, tintinus, tennis elbow, shoulder pain, knee pain, backpain, sciatica, toe pain, gout, hip pain and clicking noise, kneck pain, rash and hive, pimples and other skin problem, tinnitus, chest pain, heart palpitation, sensitive to noise, sensitive to bright light, SAD, eye pain, ear pain, arthritis in fingers and knee, burning sensation in different parts of the body, pins and needles, buzzing muscle, burning mouth & tongue, unexplain dental pain, burping , belching, gas, nightmare, insomnia, sleep walking, sleep talking, night sweat, night terror awakening,... I'm sure if I think back long enough I will remember a few more.

I went to doctors and got all kind of tests done. I was diagnosed with many diseases I've listed above and was prescribed many kind of meds. Nothing helped me much, the symptoms keep increase in intensity and keep changing. At one time I was thinking of ending it all. The thought of hurting my mom is the only thing that keep me from doing it. So I start reading and reading as much as I can about my health problem.

One of the first book I've read is "Stop worrying and Start Living" by Dale Carnegie. Dale taught reader how to conquer worry. He gave many examples of how people overcame all kind of hardship and traumatic events and move on with life. He wrote about tms/anxiety before the terms tms and anxiety were invented. He gave practical and easy to understand techniques to overcome worry. He gave examples after examples of real life people that helped me see that my problem is not unique, my problem had been overcame by countless other people. He gave me hope and he ended my suicidal thoughts. I've see that there is a way out. They can heal, so can I. A year after I've read the book, my anxiety level went down 50% and I don't have panic attack as often as before.

5 days before my appointment with the surgeon to operate on my back to cure my back pain, I went to the library to read up on book about back and back surgery. I just wanted to know what to expect during and after the surgery and be prepare for it. I happened to found "Healing Back Pain" by Dr. Sarno. You might have guess by now, I canceled the scheduled surgery 2 days before I have to go under the knife. My chronic and painful back pain/sciatica is 80% better about a week after I've read the book. I considered myself one of those who had experience a "book cure". Dr Sarno taught me that the mind is a wonderful machine, but when I feed it strong negative emotions, it can and will produce not only symptoms that consider mental but also symptoms that will effect the muscles, nerve at many parts of the body. Many health problems I thought were physical, now I've realize they were the product of my emotions. I'm not doom for life, I've see a way out and my fear level went way down.

Although I've gotten much better, and my health has improved to the point that I can functions and work almost as normal as before I was sick. Many of the symptoms has disappeared or subsided. But the anxiety is still there and it go up and down in intensity. The chronic pain keep disappeared then reappeared. I have my up and down. I was happy I got better but I wanted more. I want a 100% better. And that's when my best friend let me borrowed "Hope and Help for your Nerves" by dr. Claire Weekes. I also got an audio copy of the book. Her calming voice and just the caring way she used her word has helped me a lot. I keep listen to the tape for days and days, then one day it just clicked for me. One day I just realized that all my symptoms were started by my emotion, by the intense stress, but my symptoms stay with me because I fear it. It being keep alive by my fear. I feared the symptoms, I feared what the symptoms mean to my body, I worry about the future of my health. And if I can some how stop that fear I would be cure, and that's is exactly what I did. I just refuse to fear anymore. I am sick of being sick and I'm not going to take it anymore. No more fear for me. Yes Sir, no more fear. Whatever happen happen, I'm not going to fear anymore.

Boom, I was cured. After a few more weeks of what I called "exposure therapy" and deconditioning myself to many situation that trigger a automatic respond from my body, I'm completely cured. That was about ten years ago. I now happily married. I love my job, my family, my life. I am content and confidence. I faced the same work stress and life stress now just like before, but it doesn't bother me anymore. I am at peace.

Here is my conclusion:
life stress, life trauma, negative emotions... start the symptoms. Fear is what keep the symptoms alive.

You want to stop new symptoms from appearing, change your perception about life. think positive, slow down, be compassionate, get involve, be with people, do charity work,...
You want to stop existing symptoms, just stop fearing it. stop focusing on your symptoms, stop focusing on the body, move one and live your life as if everything is fine. There are many techniques out there to help with overcome your fear like : positive affirmation, meditation, praying, live in the present. But the most important is to accept that your ill is caused by your emotions. If you can accept that you're half way there. The fear just start to melt away. The rest is just conditioning that we have to deal with.

think about the past created symptoms. Think about the future keep your symptoms alive. The past created anger, the future produce fear. Stop both of them, live in the present and you will have peace.

I hope this helped inpire you to heal yourself. I was there, I can heal so can you. I'm not a very smart guy, I'm a college dropped out and I have fail at many thing in life, if I can do it, you can do it.

I pick 'Balto" as my screen name because of that Disney cartoon of the same name. I just want to be that dog that bring medicine to help the villagers. The medicine is right inside you. Be strong, think healthy, don't be affraid, and you will heal. We are much more powerful than we think we are. We just have to take control of our thinking.

You are what you think.

------------------------
No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience.

Edited by - balto on 12/14/2012 22:01:31

Ace1

USA
1040 Posts

Posted - 12/13/2012 :  09:45:17  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
This is a great recovery story, thanks for posting it
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barberboy

Canada
14 Posts

Posted - 12/13/2012 :  10:12:17  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Thank you for this post balto. Your kind and inspiring words give me hope!
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andy64tms

USA
589 Posts

Posted - 12/13/2012 :  12:33:15  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Hi Balto,

Thanks for your success story. I now understand your fear arguments better. Itís sometimes hard to open up and talk about what we feel. But if we write about what we feel and give examples of our personal experiences like you did, it can only help others. A happy Balto woof woof.



Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Back on Wiki Edu Program day 15
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years. (to be evicted later.)
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception
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jegol71

USA
78 Posts

Posted - 12/13/2012 :  12:43:01  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
This is one of the best things that I have ever read, anywhere. I read and write for a living.

Thank you so much. I would like to name my next dog Balto after reading this.
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Sylvia

199 Posts

Posted - 12/13/2012 :  13:33:28  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Wonderful Balto, thank you so much!
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mchan

USA
75 Posts

Posted - 12/13/2012 :  14:27:06  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Thank you for your story, gives much needed hope!

..........................
Love Wins.
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mala

Hong Kong
774 Posts

Posted - 12/16/2012 :  01:51:29  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Balto, many many thanks for this post. Can I ask you something? You say that u had a wide variety of problems over a 20 year span. Were these symptoms one at a time or did you have a few going on at the same time.


I ask coz I seem to have a few going on but one which will always hurt more & this moves around so today right shoulder hurts more, tomorrow left shoulder hurts more than another day left neck & so on.

Thx

mala

Mala Singh Barber. I'm on facebook. Look me up
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balto

839 Posts

Posted - 12/16/2012 :  05:41:59  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Hi Mala,

At the beginning of my illness the symptoms usually appeared one at a time. As time went on, I usually suffered from more than 1 symptoms at a time. The low grade anxiety and foggy head is pretty much very constant. Tinnitus is always there. But usually there will be one dominant symptoms like backpain and few other low grade tms/anxiety symptoms.

You're lucky your symptoms moved and change in intensity. Because that tell me it is not physical. If it's truly physical I think it would NOT have move location or change in intensity. I think your is definitely tms/anxiety.

Hope this help.

------------------------
No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience.

Edited by - balto on 12/16/2012 08:55:55
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mchan

USA
75 Posts

Posted - 12/16/2012 :  08:41:10  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
"after a few more weeks of what I called "exposure therapy" and deconditioning myself to many situation that trigger a automatic respond from my body, I'm completely cured."

Just curious if you could expand more on what kind of exposure therapy your did and how you worked on deconditioning?



..........................
Love Wins.
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balto

839 Posts

Posted - 12/16/2012 :  09:05:49  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by mchan

"after a few more weeks of what I called "exposure therapy" and deconditioning myself to many situation that trigger a automatic respond from my body, I'm completely cured."

Just curious if you could expand more on what kind of exposure therapy your did and how you worked on deconditioning?



..........................
Love Wins.



while suffering from tms/anxiety, I also developed many conditioning symptoms. Things I would do without any problem before now would trigger tms/anxiety symptoms in me. Things like: drinking coffee, going over bridge or thru tunnels, flying, high places, bright light, loud noise, sad movies, the color red, pick up anything weight more than 10 lbs, car insurance commercial, checking the mail... many many more...

I got over them by just prepare myself before I face them. I will tell my brain that I am OK, fine, I will drink coffe, it may trigger this and that, but it is just an illusion, just conditioning, I will be fine and I will keep drink. No need to fear anything. Then I just drink everyday and have a good talk to myself everytime. I did the same for all the other conditionings and slowly over time I was free of them.

When Pavlo keep ringing that bell but don't give his dogs any food, eventually they stop salivating at the sound of his bell. They keep "expose" to the condition and when what they expect don't happen, eventually the conditioning effect lost it's power.

Hope this help.

------------------------
No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience.
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pspa123

672 Posts

Posted - 12/16/2012 :  19:44:35  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A very inspiring, and well-told, story. I just wanted to ask in case I had something wrong though, at what point did you really make the connection between your symptoms and the past traumatic experience with your old girlfriend, was that at the point of reading Dr. Sarno's book or was it at some other point?
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balto

839 Posts

Posted - 12/17/2012 :  07:43:52  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by pspa123

A very inspiring, and well-told, story. I just wanted to ask in case I had something wrong though, at what point did you really make the connection between your symptoms and the past traumatic experience with your old girlfriend, was that at the point of reading Dr. Sarno's book or was it at some other point?



Hi Pspa,

I didn't think my symptoms was caused by the past experience I had with my old girlfriend. It was how I react to it. My anger toward her, toward life, toward what happened. Not what happened.

I read the book and found relief because I accepted the diagnosis he gave. I no longer have to have surgery, I no longer FEAR my symptoms. He said it: the symptoms is benign, it is not dangerous, and I can be cure.

The acceptance of the diagnosy is what reduce or elliminate the FEAR emotion, which I believe cut off the fuel for my symptoms.

Your relief will never be complete if you can not accept the tms/anxiety diagnosy %100.

------------------------
No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience.
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pspa123

672 Posts

Posted - 12/17/2012 :  07:57:52  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Thank you for explaining that, and it really is an inspirational story. I am 100 percent of the way there in accepting that my most troubling pain issue is psychogenic and not physical (whether one labels it TMS, anxiety, OCD and or stress doesn't matter I don't think), but still flailing about in terms of moving towards actual improvement. Thank you for all your posts which I always read, they are very informative.
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edmunddavidson

USA
1 Posts

Posted - 12/18/2012 :  00:45:38  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Thank you for this post balto





__________
Zoe is taken to court for misconduct during an operation and is forced to leave MI5 http://www.superdvdoutlet.ca/goods-557-MI5%28Spooks%29+Seasons+1-9+DVD+Boxset-FREE+SHIPPING.html MI5(Spooks) Seasons 1-9 DVD box set

Edited by - edmunddavidson on 12/18/2012 00:46:09
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stocktrader

30 Posts

Posted - 09/08/2013 :  10:11:37  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Balto,

What relaxed visualizations do you use? I am a a follower of ACE's Keys and Jonh Kehoe. After reading Kehoe's book Mind Power..I am on his website everyday.

What is your take on ACE's keys? I am following his keys as instructed and being patient and living a normal positive life.

Thanks.
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balto

839 Posts

Posted - 09/10/2013 :  08:46:44  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by stocktrader

Balto,

What relaxed visualizations do you use? I am a a follower of ACE's Keys and Jonh Kehoe. After reading Kehoe's book Mind Power..I am on his website everyday.

What is your take on ACE's keys? I am following his keys as instructed and being patient and living a normal positive life.

Thanks.


To relax I normally work in my garden. I love gardening and giving away my vegetables to friends and charities. I also day dreaming a lot. I day dream about laying in a big hammock with a nice cold sweet ice tea between two trees in my favorite jungle resort in Thailand. Talking to my lovely wife and watching my daughter playing nearby. I day dreamed about winning the Nobel peace prize for bringing peace to the Middle East. I day dreamed about some day I will be able to help all my co workers to accept the tms/anxiety theory. I've seen just about everyone around me suffering from it.

I really really think Ace's Key is very very important to overcome tms/anxiety. I especially like #2 (no fear) and #11 (no negatives), to me I think those are the BIG 2.
If I can add to the list, I would add that we all need to have a LIFE. We need to focus on a life worth leaving. Before I die I want to see Kathmandu, Nepal. Before I die I want to go watch the whale in Alaska. I want to volunteer at Mother Teresa's missions in India for a month, I want to dig well for the poor in Africa, I want to take my wife for a month long train ride trip in Europe, I want to join president Carter and build a house for someone I don't know at all...
We all tend to focus too much on the techniques or on how to over come our illnesses and forget to live our life. Living life is an art. Living life is an opportunity to get well, to be healthy. We have to focus on how to make the best out of life

And if none of this happen, I don't give a sh.. , nothing in life is important enough for me to stress over. Nothing.
It is all about your mentality, your perception.

------------------------
No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience.
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anniess

USA
6 Posts

Posted - 02/01/2015 :  10:08:11  Show Profile  Reply with Quote

Balto, thank you for your post; I got a lot out of it and have decided you are right: although the pain starts from stress/emotions, the fear keeps it in place. It comes down to me refusing to be afraid, and be willing to believe the pain/symtpoms are TMS. i "get mad" at my symtpoms, replacing fear with anger, and tell the pain to get lost, or ignore it refusing to believe it is NOT TMS, and go about doing whatever i want to do (even if it hurts.) Sooner (or entually) the pain goes away. Treat it like you would do (or want to do or should do) an evil, nasty person you don't want to be around! TMS is not your friend and never will be!

Balto, you have started me down a new, better path. Thanks for sharing.

ann shaffer
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Rile84

USA
17 Posts

Posted - 03/06/2015 :  01:05:11  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
So inspiring post. Thanks for sharing this.
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stocktrader

30 Posts

Posted - 01/29/2017 :  14:52:19  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Balto + ACE1 = Healing

---------------------------
"Your thoughts create your reality"
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Rose12

Australia
18 Posts

Posted - 02/26/2017 :  09:12:30  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I'm happy that I read your post today.
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