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Suz
559 Posts |
 Posted - 10/14/2004 : 18:20:53
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Hey all,
I have been away for a few days and wanted to check in with everyone. I went away by myself to a spa to relax - get massages and facials. I had never done it before so it was a real treat! Unfortunately, I got so excited about it that I called and told a friend ( my sort of boyfriend) and so he showed up. I guess I sort of invited him but never thought he would come. Consequently, I was furious - and bottled it up for the rest of my stay. I did not sleep for the last two nights there as I had excruciating back pain. I no longer have the sciatic pain - the TMS has taken up residence in my upper back - it is very hard to sleep. I had never had pain there before.
I have found that if I am lax about reading Sarno's book and not journalling - the back pain at night is awful. I am now fearful about going to bed as I cannot face the pain. In the morning, I cannot bend my face down at all as it is so stiff and my back is stuck. I have NEVER had this before.
I have also come down with a nasty cold - I really think that I am very angry about my vacation. It has been a long time since I took time off and have spent half of it in pain and stressed. My brother is over from England to see me and I could not go to New York to see him today as I felt so ill. I guess I am feeling frustrated. I feel guilty about not taking care of my brother. I know that the back pain is TMS as there is nothing wrong with me. I imagine the cold is from my immune system being brought down by TMS. It is so UNFAIR! All I wanted was a break. Sorry to vent here! I work a 60 hour week and was so looking forward to down time.
I even managed to do yoga at the spa - for the first time in years - this was a real fear for me to overcome.
Anyway - I am not sure how to deal with this new upper back pain - it winds me throughout the night. Strangely enough I do not have it in the day time - just a little stiff.
Any one have any suggestions? Thanks as always for letting me vent here - sorry to be so self involved. |
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Kajsa
Denmark
144 Posts |
Posted - 10/15/2004 : 02:13:49
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Why did you call and "sort of invited" your boyfiend when you didnīt want him there?!
Sounds like "TMS personality" to me. (Not listenning to yourself!)
Then you get really angry when he shows up -I think this anger, and
the fact that you didnt do what you really wanted, causes your pain.
Kajsa |
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tdk
15 Posts |
Posted - 10/15/2004 : 08:24:44
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Suz, I am sorry your vacation "backfired," but what a great lesson to learn for the future!!
I find that 1) not doing what I really want to do 2) not listening to my inner voice are probably two of the biggest factors that lead to my tms in the first place. Case in point: marrying my first husband. GREAT guy, but I was not in love with him (tho I loved him). Married him anyway. Six months prior our wedding my first bad bout of back pain started and lasted 5 yrs! When I met and fell in love with husband #2, my back pain melted away. Bam, 1995 and another nasty episode (still going on). Not happy with my professional life, still trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up (and I'm 50 for heavens sake). So some internal disappointment and regrets. Working on all that self-flagellation.
I recently put a sticky note on my mirror with 2 words on it that I let sear into my brain every morning: "SO WHAT?" I use it when I start comparing myself to other woman more accomplished than me. I have to remember that because I had a mentally ill mom and alcoholic dad I was taking care of a house, a sister, and gettting straight A's early as age 9. SO I was a really great kid, and am still a good person. My siblings both said to me the other day that I was their inspiration and am a really great sister. I needed to hear that and need to remember, in the long run, THAT'S WHAT COUNTS, HOW YOU LOVE AND ARE LOVED.
TURN INTO YOUR INTUITION AND LISTEN. IT NEVER LIES. TAKE YOUR NEXT SPA VACATION BY YOURSELF AND DON'T TELL ANYONE!!
Namaste,
TDK |
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Suz
559 Posts |
Posted - 10/18/2004 : 09:07:36
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thank you to both of you for your thoughts - I have to get better at listening to my inner voice. I ended up getting really sick for the rest of the week's vacation - with a nasty cold! I have certainly learnt my lesson and will rethink my vacation next time! I also need to distance myself from this guy as I really feel I need some space. I am not sure of my feelings for him. My back pain has gone away by the end of the week - I think that a great deal of it is connected to my relationship with him.
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Zshapiro32
USA
31 Posts |
Posted - 10/18/2004 : 12:07:07
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Hi Suz,
I just had a similar problem. My left elbow had been hurting me for a long time. A few weeks ago I realized that it was TMS and it has finally started getting better. But now my right elbow hurts, just as much as my left one did at the beginning of the TMS outbreak.
Years ago I had serious back problems, but that pain went away and I've never had TMS anywhere else besides my back. Once my back pain went away, it never moved either. This is the first time my pain has moved. I am still having trouble attributing the new pain in my right elbowto TMS. I have never had arm problems before in my life, and now both of them hurt! Atleast I can attribute the left one to falling down the stairs, but I can't attribute hurting the right one to anything besides lifting up my heavy case books.
I will admit, law school is stressing me out big time, so much so that I don't know if I can handle it. I can't quit now, I have invested so much money and I will disappoint my family and my friends and especially myself. If law school is what is causing my pain, then I fear that I will have to live with this pain.
How then can I fix this since law school is not a boyfriend that I can dump?
quote:
Originally posted by Suz
thank you to both of you for your thoughts - I have to get better at listening to my inner voice. I ended up getting really sick for the rest of the week's vacation - with a nasty cold! I have certainly learnt my lesson and will rethink my vacation next time! I also need to distance myself from this guy as I really feel I need some space. I am not sure of my feelings for him. My back pain has gone away by the end of the week - I think that a great deal of it is connected to my relationship with him.
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menvert
Australia
133 Posts |
Posted - 10/18/2004 : 21:21:53
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quote:
Originally posted by Zshapiro32
I will admit, law school is stressing me out big time, so much so that I don't know if I can handle it. I can't quit now, I have invested so much money and I will disappoint my family and my friends and especially myself. If law school is what is causing my pain, then I fear that I will have to live with this pain.
How then can I fix this since law school is not a boyfriend that I can dump?
I think that if I discovered TMS, whilst I was still at work and living with the pain at work . I would have been much more capable of working through my issues... now that I don't work . there is less activity by which to observe the TMS interactions happening.
Yet leaving my work did not make it go away.... and as sarno suggests . we often cannot change the situation , as we usually cannot change our personalities.... TMS cure is about understanding that they create pressure and rage and accepting that is the Key to a cure.
The acceptance is supposed to be enough Sarno says we're not required to actually FIX our situation or personality.
Maybe there are other options to outright quitting... I don't know about you, but I did my university degree over four years instead of three... just to lessen my workload.
or take a year off? but you have to make these decisions based on what YOU want. |
Edited by - menvert on 10/18/2004 21:22:19 |
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New site for TMS pain
