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Penny
USA
364 Posts |
 Posted - 04/13/2007 : 16:47:44
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Has anyone experienced a moment where you are completely fine one minute, then leveled in pain the next? I've been fine for the past 24 hours until 1/2 an hour ago ... I was telling my brother about a dreadful customer service experience that happened to me on Monday.
If something like this has happened to you, what have you done?
I never knew rage could feel like this. I need help right now to try to get rid of this. I'm going to try twisting towels and screaming, but it's not enough. Please send other ideas to help me exorcize this. I feel like a crazy person. |
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yogurtbacteria
USA
10 Posts |
Posted - 04/13/2007 : 18:00:26
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| If you've ever been trained in a martial art and are well enough to practice, I highly recommend practicing. I find it helpful to do violent exercise to move the violence from inside to out. |
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sensei adam rostocki
USA
167 Posts |
Posted - 04/13/2007 : 20:34:40
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All the external expressions of anger are good for nothing. Inside you will remain an angry, rage filled person. As a long time practitioner and teacher of the martial arts with over 32 years experience, I take the opposite approach to anger. Violent outbursts simply create more anger, not an outlet. This is true, even if the rage is channeled into something positive, ala Yogurtbacteria's suggestion. I recommend doing what Dr. Sarno suggests, lest we forget one of the key points of TMS treatment. Think internal and feel why you are mad. Dig deep for the answers to your rage and find the root causes in your past. Aggravation and irritation in the present do NOT cause Rage, they cause annoyance. Rage comes from a huge reservoir of anger that has festered like an infected sore for years. My advice? Stay the course. Knowledge therapy. Psychotherapy, if you can’t figure out your anger alone. This is THE WAY to health…mental, physical and emotional. After all, you can’t have one without the others. Peace. - Sensei
CURE-BACK-PAIN(dot)ORG |
Edited by - sensei adam rostocki on 04/13/2007 20:36:54 |
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Penny
USA
364 Posts |
Posted - 04/14/2007 : 17:28:28
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Good points, thanks so much.
I spent night in ER with migraine and BP problem. I guess this happens to the best of us, as I'd been doing so awesome on my TMS journey til this week. Time to start journaling religiously again , and start pressing thru migraine pain and BP episodes and more self learning. Therapy appt Tuesday. Perhaps self-defense lessons? (anyone found these empowering to TMS?) And before anyone suggests it again to me, I will be getting John Lee's book on rage. Didn't think I needed it, but I guess I do.
I love you guys, and and am grateful this board exists.
>|< Penny
Non illigitamus carborundum. |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
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Penny
USA
364 Posts |
Posted - 04/14/2007 : 20:56:11
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Yes, Tom ... I am, which makes this relapse even more difficult for me (ego bruising, I guess). The reason why I went to ER was b/c of my BP. It was so high, I was scared of other complications.
In hindsight, I should've not curled into a ball last night and wave the white flag ... I should've made dinner and cleaned the kitchen, but the pain was so sudden and blinding it really frightened me.
I've relapsed, but I'm getting back up on the horse and if the pain comes back I'll be deploying all of the things I really know in my heart about TMS. It's just that when blood pressure comes into it, it really frightens me.
I think one of the strongest and most significant characteristics of people who get on top and STAY on top of their TMS is courage. I've had the courage for the past nearly 9 months to ignore my symptoms, but my brain found yet another way to trick me and that was by elevating my blood pressure so I'd avoid the crappy reality of my less than perfect week. (My bp caused the migraine.)
I'm gonna beat this, I just know it. I'm so thankful for this lesson, and for being able to share my experience here.
>|< Penny
Non illigitamus carborundum. |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 04/14/2007 : 21:18:32
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Well one good thing about going to the ER, is they do all the critical tests and you get a clean bill of bodily health, if not mental. It's once again confirmed, that their is nothing physicaly wrong with you...JUST TMS!
Is your family able to help you with all the daily stress going on to give you some support? Do they back you up with the TMS stuff?
some of my favorite excerpts from 'TDM' : http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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Penny
USA
364 Posts |
Posted - 04/14/2007 : 21:50:10
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Thanks Tom. Well, as for my family ... it's my hubby, who is really awesome at helping with our kids and day-to-day stuff, but has a big problem buying into TMS theory. He just doesn't believe that unconsc. could play that much in health. He and I are wired very differently. I am a very naturally psychosomatic sensitive person, he (although somewhat stoic) seems to have minimal physical probs. (touch wood.)
His not believing ticks me off b/c he's seen me transform and get over the fibro and carpal tunnel etc due to Sarno's books and TMS theory. But he doens't understand why something so simple as a bad customer service exp. could push me over the edge. We've had a lot going on lately, you know, changes in my work, money (taxes and having to look at last year's medical bills AGGGH!), and I had a miscarriage a couple months ago too. For some stupid reason this customer-service thing just made me go mental. It's so bleeping ridiculous. Hubby doesn't get it, which just adds to my stress, I guess. He's worried that it will happen again tomorrow. So am I to be honest, but I just have to take things one day at a time.
Sometimes I think he thinks I'm losing my mind. It's so frightening. I mean, I'm not depressed anymore. I'm mostly happy everyday and feel and appreciate all of the blessings in my life. Even I don't understand why all of a sudden this pain would just pop up out of the blue, so how can I expect him to understand. I guess I probably never will. That's just TMS for you. We can only guess at what our subc is doing with the conc circumstances of our lives.
>|< Penn |
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miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 04/14/2007 : 22:20:02
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Penny- My 2 cents. The customer exp is not the source of the rage but rather a trigger for the deeper inner rage and its bringing it up.
Take a close look at the relationship dynamics here wrt this customer exp and see if it doesn't in some way mirror the close significant relationships in your life. If nothing shows up there or with other significant people in your life go to your source figures in childhood and explore those relationships. My guess is you will eventually be able to trigger the symptoms again once you hit on the right understanding. If the journaling doesn't do it then try to talk to someone about it.
This is going to be scary for you to flush out since the symptoms come on so strong with the slightest provocation. You have to figure this out though or it will come back to get you sometime down the line even if it goes away for now.
Good luck with your investigation and know that this is TMS and you are not going to be intimidated by these strong symptoms.
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 04/14/2007 : 22:34:41
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quote:
Originally posted by Penny
Thanks Tom. Well, as for my family ... it's my hubby, who is really awesome at helping with our kids and day-to-day stuff, but has a big problem buying into TMS theory. He just doesn't believe that unconsc. could play that much in health. He and I are wired very differently. I am a very naturally psychosomatic sensitive person, he (although somewhat stoic) seems to have minimal physical probs. (touch wood.)
His not believing ticks me off b/c he's seen me transform and get over the fibro and carpal tunnel etc due to Sarno's books and TMS theory. But he doens't understand why something so simple as a bad customer service exp. could push me over the edge. We've had a lot going on lately, you know, changes in my work, money (taxes and having to look at last year's medical bills AGGGH!), and I had a miscarriage a couple months ago too. For some stupid reason this customer-service thing just made me go mental. It's so bleeping ridiculous. Hubby doesn't get it, which just adds to my stress, I guess. He's worried that it will happen again tomorrow. So am I to be honest, but I just have to take things one day at a time.
Sometimes I think he thinks I'm losing my mind. It's so frightening. I mean, I'm not depressed anymore. I'm mostly happy everyday and feel and appreciate all of the blessings in my life. Even I don't understand why all of a sudden this pain would just pop up out of the blue, so how can I expect him to understand. I guess I probably never will. That's just TMS for you. We can only guess at what our subc is doing with the conc circumstances of our lives.
>|< Penn
Good post Penny, that's TMS in a nutshell!
some of my favorite excerpts from 'TDM' : http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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Penny
USA
364 Posts |
Posted - 04/14/2007 : 22:39:13
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Great insights, miehnesor! The strange thing was, I was telling my brother (long-distance over the phone) about it. I was telling him about the other crappy things that happened this week, but literally the second I started telling him about the cust serv exp was when the pounded resumed, intensely--instantly. My brother started to justify the other person's position, saying something like, "Well, the last thing she probably wanted to see was your big pleasant, caring smile." I started defending my position to him but figured the pain must be the experience and never thought about it being something b/t my brother and me.
Hmmmmm, pyschoanalytically thinking, I've been dealing a lot with the fact that growing up my family frequently took non-family member's positions OVER mine. It's like I have NO credibility with them, like they will take others sides instead of sticking up for me. This definitely is a big psychic wound for me. Hmmm, you've got me thinking now, I wonder if it wasn't the cust service issue that was the actual trigger, but my brother's defense of my antagonist?! Very good stuff.
Thanks for the pointers. I've been seeing a therapist for 6 months and had taken 2 months off, but will see him again on Tuesday. The pain is really frightening to me, but I wonder--and perhaps you might know -- is there is a way to understand my psyche w/o feeling the physical pain, but to allow the emotional pain to come thru? I was thinking if I tell my psychoT in the third person, maybe it won't take me to the physical pain? I'm ready for the emotional flow, I know it will hurt, but I've got to work thru this b/c I can't stand being blind-sided by these types of things. I'd appreciate any experience or thoughts about whether this is possible.
>|< Penny |
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carbar
USA
227 Posts |
Posted - 04/14/2007 : 23:02:32
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quote:
Originally posted by Penny
The pain is really frightening to me, but I wonder--and perhaps you might know -- is there is a way to understand my psyche w/o feeling the physical pain, but to allow the emotional pain to come thru? I was thinking if I tell my psychoT in the third person, maybe it won't take me to the physical pain? I'm ready for the emotional flow, I know it will hurt, but I've got to work thru this b/c I can't stand being blind-sided by these types of things. I'd appreciate any experience or thoughts about whether this is possible.
>|< Penny
Hi Penny, I agree that you're really on track here in explaining all the other things going on in your life right now as part of that "well" of TMS rage/fear.
How do you feel about the inner child concept? That's sort of the ultimate third person, a la "My inner child is going balistic over the unfairness of never being sided with. How is it everyone but her is right? Why is she undeserving? Etc."
I'm definitely at the point where I'm working through the emotional stuff, and it's powerful, but I gotta say sometimes after really crying and raging and FEELING this stuff I feel BETTER. Not even exhausted, more like released from the suffering of long ago. This is not what I expected and it's really taken me time to get to this point of feeling BETTER versus confused or annoyed by the therapy process.
Another thought, perhaps your therapist could support you if you were to experience pain during the session. Maybe you could verbalize exactly what's going through your mind while experiencing the pain and really dig out some of the deeper stuff... |
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Penny
USA
364 Posts |
Posted - 04/14/2007 : 23:21:46
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Thanks Carbar.
I totally buy the IC work, and hadn't been thinking about this for a while, so thanks. Indeed, this is a good idea.
Another question: I have a fear that if I get into that zone of expelling my pain with my therapist, that our session will be up, and his next appt will arrive and he will have to end with me, leaving me in agony, raw and exposed. (I don't know this for sure, but just wonder what they ethically are required to do?!) Also, another fear of mine is that if my physical pain hits during a session, I literally feel like I am a mental case. If he sees me like that, would he want to admit me to a mental ward? Is it normal to feel ENCRAZED when we get to the heart of our psychological wounds? I just feel so vulnerable and inexperienced and fearful.
I don't particularly like my therapist, but I have to say, he has really helped me uncover a great deal of things that have helped me. In fact somehow I think the fact that I don't really like him has made me care even less about what he thinks of me, which is different than I am with most people. I know I'm safe with him, at least in the boundaries of our 50 minutes.
Are all these feelings "normal" for TMSers going thru therapy? Gosh, this is really hard .. I just re-read what I wrote ... YIKES! but I just wonder if this is a part of the discovery process? I hate the word normal, but I just feel inexperienced with feeling such raw emotions. I'm British, and was brought up to only show nice feelings, no nasties or uglies. And all this feels very ugly.
>|< Penny
Non illigitamus carborundum. |
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yogurtbacteria
USA
10 Posts |
Posted - 04/15/2007 : 17:10:57
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quote:
Originally posted by sensei adam rostocki
All the external expressions of anger are good for nothing. Inside you will remain an angry, rage filled person. As a long time practitioner and teacher of the martial arts with over 32 years experience, I take the opposite approach to anger. Violent outbursts simply create more anger, not an outlet. This is true, even if the rage is channeled into something positive, ala Yogurtbacteria's suggestion. I recommend doing what Dr. Sarno suggests, lest we forget one of the key points of TMS treatment. Think internal and feel why you are mad. Dig deep for the answers to your rage and find the root causes in your past. Aggravation and irritation in the present do NOT cause Rage, they cause annoyance. Rage comes from a huge reservoir of anger that has festered like an infected sore for years. My advice? Stay the course. Knowledge therapy. Psychotherapy, if you can’t figure out your anger alone. This is THE WAY to health…mental, physical and emotional. After all, you can’t have one without the others. Peace. - Sensei
CURE-BACK-PAIN(dot)ORG
I tend to use it in the same sense that people recommend screaming in a car somewhere, or punching a pillow. It seems to help me to practice awareness of the rage and then give it some tangible expression. |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 04/15/2007 : 18:17:43
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quote:
Originally posted by Penny
Are all these feelings "normal" for TMSers going thru therapy? Gosh, this is really hard .. I just re-read what I wrote ... YIKES! but I just wonder if this is a part of the discovery process? I hate the word normal, but I just feel inexperienced with feeling such raw emotions.
Yes they are normal. tt
*** *** ***
I'm British, and was brought up to only show nice feelings, no nasties or uglies. And all this feels very ugly.
We Americans are also culturaly programmed to make "nice--nice" too. tt
some of my favorite excerpts from 'TDM' : http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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Penny
USA
364 Posts |
Posted - 04/15/2007 : 19:13:50
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True Tom. I guess I'd rather blame my cultural upbringing than my parents or my nature ;o) LOL!
So you don't think I'm losing my mind? This crazy feeling is NORMAL?
The pain/problem surfaced again all day today. I'm fine one minute, then whenever I start talking about the things that happened this week, WHAM-O I'm back in agony. (I guess the meds they gave me in the ER wore off!) I've been continuing on and not stopped for the pain. I just wish I had a clue as to what the bleep is the root of this, but I'm thrilled and appreciative it is so easily accessible, so perhaps I'll be able to call it out in therapy on Tuesday.
Penny |
Edited by - Penny on 04/15/2007 19:15:30 |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 04/15/2007 : 21:43:11
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quoting Penny:
"I just wish I had a clue as to what the bleep is the root of this,... "
--------------------------------------------------------------------
TMS is at the root of it, you do not have to find the moment or moments in time. All you need to do is, understand the psychological process that creates the pain, repressed rage, causing physical symptomatic pain as a protective device.
I've been there, your emotions during your 50 minutes at the therapist's sound quite familiar.
Have you listened to the Good Doctor's radio segment in another thread here? I just did and Dr. Sarno answers everything about TMS in about a half an hour. That's all you need to know, then sleep on it.
Cheers and good luck,
tt
Some of my favorite excerpts from 'TDM' : http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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Edited by - tennis tom on 04/15/2007 21:44:17 |
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miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 04/15/2007 : 21:56:35
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quote:
Originally posted by Penny
Another question: I have a fear that if I get into that zone of expelling my pain with my therapist, that our session will be up, and his next appt will arrive and he will have to end with me, leaving me in agony, raw and exposed. (I don't know this for sure, but just wonder what they ethically are required to do?!) Also, another fear of mine is that if my physical pain hits during a session, I literally feel like I am a mental case. If he sees me like that, would he want to admit me to a mental ward? Is it normal to feel ENCRAZED when we get to the heart of our psychological wounds? I just feel so vulnerable and inexperienced and fearful.
>|< Penny
Non illigitamus carborundum.
Penny- You are doing great and making some important discoveries. Just stay with the process and try to follow your own feelings. It does take courage to push into the emotional and physical pain but you should find that as you get more into the emotions the physical symptoms will lift. (I remember the first time I had a repressed emotion surface it was an incredible experience. Just as in Helen's case in MBP my symptoms cranked up to block the feeling but when it erupted the physical symptom melted away as the tears came out. Unfortunately the next day all the symptoms returned as if nothing had happened the previous day. I had to do a lot more feeling work and releasing rage before symptoms started to decline. And i'm still at it. I had a very stubborn uncs.)
I think that it's important that your therapist understand that the symptoms are there to block the feelings and that he shouldn't be deterred by your physical symptoms. I can relate to the time limit of 50 minutes. It's quite annoying. Perhaps you can take a slot with him where you can run over without interferring with another session I don't know. If this is a problem maybe you can schedule a double session. It's expensive but if you are too worried about the time issue it might deter you from getting into your feelings. It does sound like this therapist will help you recover from TMS.
Got to go. |
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carbar
USA
227 Posts |
Posted - 04/15/2007 : 23:12:47
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>>It does sound like this therapist will help you recover from TMS.
Ditto. Especially since you said that you have discovered a lot of info while working with this person. I think it's normal to feel resentment towards the therapist, especially coz we are "culturally" trained to expect experts to have answers, which is not what psychoanylitic therapists really offer. They are more like "uncoverers" and then YOU find the answer.
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 04/15/2007 : 23:49:00
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quote:
I'm British, and was brought up to only show nice feelings, no nasties or uglies. And all this feels very ugly.
Well, now you tell us you're a Brit. If we'd known that before we wouldn't have tried to analyze all the other stuff. That explains everything.
btw I can make this joke because I'm British too! I consider my Britishness the number one factor in my personal reservoir of rage.
No one else is allowed to joke about the English, or I'll ***** your **** off (that's British for "get annoyed")
Hey, Pen, have you noticed that everyone in England has TMS? Whenever I go there it appears to be run by the National TMS Service.
xxx Wavy - now a Californian with white teeth and golden skin and big hair
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 04/16/2007 : 06:53:34
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quote:
Originally posted by Penny
His not believing ticks me off b/c he's seen me transform and get over the fibro and carpal tunnel etc due to Sarno's books and TMS theory. But he doens't understand why something so simple as a bad customer service exp. could push me over the edge. We've had a lot going on lately, you know, changes in my work, money (taxes and having to look at last year's medical bills AGGGH!), and I had a miscarriage a couple months ago too. For some stupid reason this customer-service thing just made me go mental. It's so bleeping ridiculous. Hubby doesn't get it, which just adds to my stress, I guess. He's worried that it will happen again tomorrow. So am I to be honest, but I just have to take things one day at a time.
>|< Penn
Penny, you said a mouth full in this paragraph. Dr. Sarno noted that one of the major sources of internal rage is the stresses of everyday life and you, like everyone on the planet, have a lot of those stressors. The problem is that, like me, you become overwhelmed quite easily over even the simplest things and feel like you are losing control. You are expected by those around you to remain stoic and carry on like an adult. But something inside of you is fuming but you are unable to express it.
My wife, who supports TMS 100% and has averted many pain attacks herself as a result of what she has learned from me, has made the insight that over time I have become conditioned to experience pain in responce to stress. The stress may be quite minor on the surface of it, but the conditioning is still very much in place. It was a real eye opener for me and a paradigm shift. In fact, she mentioned it before but I could not see the link because the stressor looked to be so minor. We just moved into a new home and the first weekend we moved in I was over the top with suffering and wept over and over again. But I could see the link between this current stressor.
Now I am in the middle of exams and spending a lot of money setting up our new home so this is also stressful. So I see my symptoms for what they are- a conditioned responce to stress as well as an attempt to grab my attention away from in the stress taking place on the inside which I - for the most part- cannot even feel consciously.
Best wishes.
Shawn
*************
Sarno-ize it!
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Rage
