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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
 Posted - 05/08/2007 : 20:01:09
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Tips on how to recover from TMS
by Shawn Smith
Ignore everything you have ever been told about the source of your pain, whether from mainstream or alternative sources. The pain is there to distract you from distressing, albeit painful and embarassing, emotions. Once you understand TMS you will see the pain as a reminder and thus your friend and NOT your enemy.
Give up all physical treatment modalities as they will not contribute to your recovery in the least, and may actually prolong your suffering as it makes you concentrate on the physical and reinforces the idea that you have a physical problem.
See yourself for what you really are- completely healthy with nothing physically wrong with you. Hurray for you!
Resume all normal physical activity, you cannot hurt yourself if you do so.
Think pyschologically and not physically. Talk to that brain of yours. Concentrate on past anger or sad events, personality characteritics- especially goodism - and think about current stressors in your life. Write this all down.
Read Dr. Sarno's Psychology and Treatment sections in his MBP and HBP over and over. Also, read his TDM at least 3 times from cover to cover. For practical tips on how to recover follow the sound advice of Dr. Nancy Selfridge in her very good book "Freedom From Fibromyalgia."
Bring joy and goodness into your life by reading inspiration books or listening to inspiring tapes. Pray for or wish someone well whom you do not personally like.
Accept yourself for who you are- warts and all.
Never give up, because life is beautiful.
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Sarno-ize it!
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Edited by - shawnsmith on 05/11/2007 05:50:57 |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 05/08/2007 : 22:03:02
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Well said, Shawn!
thanx dear friend..
~Karen |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 05/09/2007 : 04:38:34
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quote:
Originally posted by shawnsmith
Tips on how to recover from TMS
Pray for or wish someone well whom you do not personally like.
Good post ,but, this will be hard. How will this help recover from TMS? Sounds like it may make one be too much of a perfectionist/goodist. Perhaps it's more important to recognize who is bothering you in life, and why. It seems like turn the cheek mentality that could enrage the inner child. But maybe I'm off.
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 05/09/2007 : 05:21:46
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skizzik
The recommendation of praying for or wishing someone well whom you do not personally like will highlight for you some of the anger and bitterness in your heart. Remember, the excercise is for your own good. You are in the process of healing and coming to terms with what is in your heart. Don't under-estimate the healing power of forgivess. Harbouring ill will or hateful feelings towards others can be toxic to one's health.
Try to think about one person you just despise with a passion. What is it about that person you don't like? What is it about you that makes you feel the way you do? Can you come forgive that person or wish that person well? Think about these things deeply. When you are thinking in the pyschological realm you are not thinking about that back or foot ache but your emotions, and that is what will keep you on the road to recovery. In addition, there is no better feeling (even bettr than sex) than to forgive someone whom you previously held ill feelings towards.
*************
Sarno-ize it!
************* |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 05/09/2007 : 08:09:59
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Shawn,
Forgiveness is so important, I agree..I am typically very forgiving and have forgiven several people in my past that truly hurt me..It does feel great..I felt lighter in general...BUT...what do you do when the person (namely my sister) keeps doing things that are so hurtful to the people you love (namely my neices)..She has always been jealous of me since I came out of the womb..She is 9 years older and hated the attention I sometimes got as a child..Then when my parents bought me an organ in high school (because I played the instrument) she freaked out! But she doesn't play any instrument! Into these days she is super jealous of how close i am with my oldest neice..We are best pals and she hates it..She actually told horrible lies to my neice about me to try to put a wedge between us..My neice knew better and struggles with her mom all the time..
My sister has hurt literally everyone in my family deceased and alive throughout the years..Everyone has had a problem with her at one point or the other..She is on Xanax for panic disorder and is totally self absorbed and selfish..I have always helped her and given to her and finally a year or so ago I decided to put up some healthy boundaries..She used to call me several times a day going on and on about her boyfriend issues and never once asking sincerely "So how are you, Karen?" I finally got tired of the one sidedness of it and now only email w/ her on occasion or see her on holidays if i am in NJ..We put on this fake act for everyone and act affectionate toward one another but we really can't stand each other..And she is my only sibling..My parents also died 17 years ago..I have some extended family here in the USA but most are in Slovakia and Czech Republic..WIsh I had the guts to just move there!
In any case, I have gone to talk to priests, rabbis, prayed, journalled, meditated..and everytime i think i have forgiven my sister she does something else that is horrible! What does one do in that situation?
Hugs,
Karen |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 05/09/2007 : 09:29:17
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Byron Katie's tapes "Loving What Is" will answer every single question you have asked Karen. It's almost like she wrote the book for you and you will see why when you listen to it. The tapes are 1000 times better than the book as they provide live interaction with real people going trhough real suffering.
*************
Sarno-ize it!
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Edited by - shawnsmith on 05/09/2007 09:30:55 |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 05/09/2007 : 11:20:16
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Thanx Shawn!  |
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 05/10/2007 : 07:59:46
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Singer Artist (Karen), it is sad to hear about your sister and her hurtful ways. I have someone whom I can count on to be critical of me. That's just how he is. Part of his dark side, so I try to appreciate his light side too and that we all have a dark and light side. I also realize some of the hurtful comments made to me are because of HIS own issues (insecurities?)--not mine. That helps me adjust my thinking--it's not me, it's him. Some comments I respond to even asking "why do you feel the need to say things like that"; some are not worthy of comment and I realize my feeling will pass.
May seem odd, but I think your sis' jealousy of you is actually a compliment to you.
I agree with Shawn that forgiveness is healthy and I've done a lot of work on this specifically. I've learned from a psychologist friend that while forgiving is important, not forgetting (the hurt, incident, etc.) sometimes is for our own protection.
Best wishes,
Lori |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 05/10/2007 : 11:02:53
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Pema Chodron also advises sending good wishes to someone you dislike as part of a spiritual practice. In her version, you can practice several different things, like loving-kindness and compassion, or a wish to be free from suffering, and they all have the same steps, just the exact affirmation is different.
I'll paraphrase her suggestions here, and then link to a mini-essay on them that she wrote.
First, take a few moments to center and rest in the open space of being.
Then, start by sending loving-kindness, compassion, or a positive thought to someone you love, with whom your relationship is positive and not too complicated. Anyone who inspires happiness and love or compassion in you. (I usually use my dog, because I have a very spontaneous and deep love for him that I truly cherish the experience of.) The specific form of affirmation she suggests is "May _______ experience happiness and the root of happiness," or "May ______ be free from suffering and the root of suffering." But this is not exactly meaningful without some practice or context, so you can kind of make up your own, whatever seems to be right for evoking happiness or ending suffering to you.
Then move on to sending the same feelings to yourself. (This can be the hardest part, especially for perfectionist and goodist TMSers!)
Then to a friend or another person close to us.
Then a neutral person, someone we don't really know, but maybe someone we encounter, maybe the train conductor or the fruit-seller, maybe your Congressional representative, maybe the factory worker who made your shoes.
Then you get to someone who is difficult, that you dislike, or who's hurt you.
Then you put all these people in the same circle, and say "I wish that we all experience happiness, etc."
Finally, you do it for all beings in the world.
At each step you just start where you are. Maybe you get to that step and you feel blocked, you find you don't wish for a person to be free of suffering or to have happiness. At that point you just start there. Maybe you move to feeling compassion for yourself and all those who feel blocked or all those who feel angry. You don't have to do all seven steps, you might get stuck on one or two of them. But the idea is you keep practicing and keep aspiring and keep feeling where you are, and eventually you feel a deeper wellspring of compassion for yourself and others and the world. I don't know exactly how well it works because I haven't been that dedicated to it, but it seems like a good way to move toward forgiveness while maintaining compassion for yourself and where you are.
http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/compassion.php
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 05/10/2007 : 13:11:04
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Thanx Lori,
It does help alot to feel understood..
You are right, it is her insecurities and her issue..If it weren't for trying to keep peace within the family, with myself and my neices/nephews..i probably wouldnt be in touch w/ her at all..I have tried to write her a loving letter to make amends..To work through some things of the past but she refuses and says it give her panic attacks to discuss the past..
On top of that..my neice (who is my best friend and I hers) told me things that her mom said about me that were horrible and total lies..It's like my sister was deliberately trying to damage my great relationship with her daughter..My neice asked me to keep it between us so i cannot even confront my sister on it...I will not break a promise to my neice..So it puts me in an awkward position..And my other neice is dependent upon my sister for babysitting her 3 children frequently..so she keeps peace with her and usually sides with her even when she is dead wrong on an issue..It's a whole soap opera which is why i moved out here to Vegas in the first place..
Hugs and God bless,
Karen |
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mikescott_98
USA
49 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2007 : 06:38:26
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| I have an unconventional suggestion (but what on this forum isn't). If the repressed rage of ones life is what causes TMS and talking to your brain to find out what is causing is supposed to help, here is what I have been trying recently. On the way in to work, where NO ONE can here me, I not only talk to my brain, but scream out at the top of my lungs what I would if I did not care about other peoples feelings or what people think of me. Give a quick glance around to make sure not one is looking at you first.. and then let her rip. This might not be a good suggestion if you live in a small quite town, but I see no harm in doing it during the 20 minutes I spend on the interstate every morning. What do you think? |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2007 : 06:56:28
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mikescott_98
If it works for you, then go for it. It is not something I would be willing to try, but we all have our own path towards recovery.
Be kind to yourself....
*************
Sarno-ize it!
************* |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2007 : 08:32:21
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quote:
Originally posted by mikescott_98
I have an unconventional suggestion (but what on this forum isn't). If the repressed rage of ones life is what causes TMS and talking to your brain to find out what is causing is supposed to help, here is what I have been trying recently. On the way in to work, where NO ONE can here me, I not only talk to my brain, but scream out at the top of my lungs what I would if I did not care about other peoples feelings or what people think of me.
I do this from time to time -- not in generalizations, but in specific feelings that I acknowledge. I might get angry at my wife for placing some responsibility on my shoulders, like driving her to the mall, when I'd rather be home watching baseball. It may sound silly, but that's the point. One needs to acknowledge that the rage comes from a child inside you who just wants to be left alone and taken care of and not have to do things you'd rather not do.
If you're angry, and you are alone, let it out! Experience the feelings. Let them take you to wherever they want to go. You may be surprised to find they lead you to emotions you never realized were hiding beneath the surface.
This is not so unconventional ... similar techniques are described in a book called Facing the Fire by John Lee that has been mentioned on this forum before, that some have found to be useful in treating TMS. |
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Tips on how to recover from TMS
