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David Russ
USA
21 Posts |
 Posted - 07/13/2008 : 15:08:10
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Hi everyone!
Here's my story, probably not so different from many of yours:
Herniated L5 disc in 2004 (confirmed diagnosis), just after starting a new practice and putting myself in the position of supporting my wife financially and emotionally while she was finishing her bachelor's degree.
Was turned onto Sarno and TMS and used emotional healing as a major component of my healing from that injury.
I use it in my practice all the time, talking with the likely suspects about stress, emotions, the mind/body connection, and helping plant the seeds for future growth, referring when appropriate.
Healed that and got really strong in 2005. Had three terrific years, running, cycling, gardening, no fear or anything about my back. Thought I was done with back trouble.
Four months ago, my wife and I adopted two lovely girls, aged 6 and 8. This is an incredibly stressful transition for a closet perfectionist and subtle controller such as myself.
One week after they arrived, we went to the beach--a two hour car ride--and the pain returned while we were in the car. It has been present for the last four months.
In May, I had another MRI and it showed the disc bulge had increased by about 30%. The S1 nerve root was tractioned and entrapped, and this was weakening my left leg and causing tremendous pain.
The fear of movement and the guarding that I did for weeks caused the leg to weaken further.
I know that the disc was compressed, injured, and swollen from all of the tension I was putting into the muscles of my lower back. Basically, my strong back hurt itself by holding on SO TIGHT instead of dealing with the issues that were coming up for me as my girls began to do the necessary work of pushing my buttons, and I fought so hard against making the transformation from Dave to Dave as Dad and Dave as Husband to my Daughters' Mother.
The pain has been intense, debilitating, incredibly frightening. I have been in despair, afraid to move, afraid to sleep, afraid to drive, afraid to sit. All of my favorite activities, creative outlets, and stress relievers have been out of reach for me for nine weeks.
I treat discs all the time, at least 12 a year, and I know they do not take 4 months to heal, and that my back was physically strong enough to handle what I was doing physically when the girls came home. I know that this injury was emotionally caused and perpetuated, and that the way I have been dealing with my emotions is the reason why it did not heal. I have no doubt.
Rediscovered Sarno about a month ago and at that time discontinued the massage and physical treatments I had been receiving. At this point, I am engaged in expert acupuncture, journalling (blogging actually--welcome to the 21st century!) and doing a lot of reading and resting and healing work on the inside.
I notice a direct correlation between my anger, resentment, and tension with my family and the pain. The more I fight against myself, the more I hurt. The more I can connect with stillness and be a calm, compassionate observer of myself, the easier I move and the better I feel.
In the past four weeks, I have gotten back to work at 90% load, I am driving some, walking without a limp (unless I'm really tired), and not stressing as much about this adjustment and transition period.
I still take Advil, down to 2 a day from 6 a day. It helps that last 15% of the pain abate and allows me to relax the area and walk normally.
The leg pain is almost never there. My back is not nearly as stiff. The hip gets tired easily and it's going to take time, and a good balance of rest and activity, to get the hip strong again.
I'm celebrating progress, not perfection, and no overnight cure. This stuff takes time, and I trust that I will encounter the people and the circumstances that will help me on my way.
I feel optimistic, happier, and I am encouraged. I know that my task is to use this pain and injury as an opportunity to grow into a more easygoing space in my life, and enjoy these three strong, resilient, funny, loving, affectionate women that I am lucky enough to have in my life: Megan and the girls.
Being a chiropractor and having TMS are not at all at odds in my mind. If anything, it's a perfect place for a chiropractor's mind to put the pain. It certainly got my attention.
Blessings to anyone reading this from a place of desperation, frustration, and fear. You are not alone, and you have nothing to be ashamed of.
Anytime you want to, you can start to accept yourself, warts and all, and start to feel better little by little that day. |
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sandhya
16 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2008 : 12:44:37
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Hi Dave!
Wow, what a fascinating perspective you have on mind-body stuff. There is lots to think about in your post - lots that I can identify with anad learn from. ("My strong back had *hurt itself by holding on SO TIGHT...") Wow! I can relate to that.
I am so glad to hear you are experiencing some healing, and look forward to
hearing from you again, if this is right for you.
best to you
s.
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David Russ
USA
21 Posts |
Posted - 07/20/2008 : 11:01:43
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Went to see The Dark Knight last night. It was the first movie I have seen in about six months, where we used to go about once a week. The long break from movies was partly because of the kids, but mostly because I was afraid to go and sit for that long. Afraid that it would hurt me.
Well, I went and I was able to sit for about 90 minutes before pain in my lower back asked me to move. So I actually laid down on the carpet in the movie theater for about 30 minutes! I know, gross, but what the hell.
Then I sat again for a while, and then stood for a while. By the time the movie was over, I did hurt moderately but I wasn't scared. I knew that my back was freaking out with a bit of fear and a strong desire to go home and lie down. But I calmed it down, reminding myself that was where we were going to go, that I'd lay down soon enough. Came home and greeted the girls, hung out with the sitter and laid down for a while. Slept pretty well.
Also yesterday I rode a bike. No kidding! On a fairly flat, big paved lot, in low gear, for about 10 minutes. My girls cheered me on. It didn't hurt, but boy is my leg weak.
Today I am going to observe my hip and back and I think that the increased exercise of yesterday will probably make it feel different. |
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A Chiropractor's TMS
