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wrldtrv
666 Posts |
 Posted - 06/10/2011 : 21:34:28
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Hey all, I realize this topic has been analyzed many times on here, but I am so struck by how so very important it seems to be in the continuance and worsening of symptoms, that I thought we should discuss it again.
Just in the past few days, as I have been fighting "new-old" symptoms, fear, once again, seems to be the biggest obstacle to progress. And once an inch is given to the fear, it is like a foot has been lost. This is so dispiriting, of course, but in the midst of the fear, all one can think of is the quick psychological relief to be obtained from the quick fix, eg, ibuprofin, a doctors appt, other conventional approaches. Such temporary relief is usually dearly paid for. And often, as in my current case, once I succumb to one symptom, another symptom quickly arises and I feel like I've lost a lot of ground and have to start over.
What is this fear about? For me, it seems to be the following: illusion that there is some definite physical injury that could be identified and fixed. Or maybe that by not catering to the injury in the conventional ways I could make it worse or do permanent damage. Thinking that if it has gone on "too long" it must be structural (rather than the more logical opposite).
Concurrent with the fear is rage and feeling of victimhood. And in my case, it is more complicated because I have definite hypochondriacal tendencies. Over time, the symptoms seem to come more and more often, and no matter how many times they pass without the catastrophe I predict, I don't seem to be reassured. The next symptom, I immediately go into worst-case scenario mode and have to start all over.
The word of the day, is FEAR. |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 06/11/2011 : 05:11:54
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quote:
I immediately go into worst-case scenario mode and have to start all over
Wrldtrv,
Your mind has the habit of 'negativity'...take a look at your life and see where else your mind is attracted to the negativity. So what if you have a physical issue???!!! There is nothing you can do except deal with it......how does worrying about it help, or even worse worrying about a 'what if'??? Id say your mind keeps looking for ways to validate your current beliefs.....that is why you keep focusing on the physical.
I have total belief that any issue I have is emotional....so my mind is constantly looking for ways to validate this, there simply is no space for "physical" thoughts.
Look at your beliefs, and look at what you keep focusing on......once you start to believe something that serves you better and start to focus on that, the fear will simply dissolve.
Some people fear the devil because they believe such a thing exists.......I personally think that is one of the stupidest things I have ever heard, so I have ZERO fear of the devil. However when I was young I did think there was a devil and so I was fearful of it........no silly belief = no silly fear.
D
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 06/11/2011 : 06:50:10
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quote:
What is this fear about? For me, it seems to be the following: illusion that there is some definite physical injury that could be identified and fixed. Or maybe that by not catering to the injury in the conventional ways I could make it worse or do permanent damage. Thinking that if it has gone on "too long" it must be structural (rather than the more logical opposite).
Exactly the same fears for me. I heve lived with the same kind of lower back pain now for 10 years. There has been no shifting in my case. It is now worse . In the last year or so has my knee on the same side as my back pain has also started hurting and I can see a direct relationship between the two. I am in constant pain . It has been going on for far too long. I was able to ignore the back pain to some extent and get on with stuff but now with the knee pain, I am finding it very difficult to do much. Constantly living in pain is so demoralising and now I get up at night with my heart pounding & a sense of dread about the future.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
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Carolyn
184 Posts |
Posted - 06/11/2011 : 08:37:21
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Mala,
Reading your post and seeing it clearly from the outside makes it very clear that it is TMS.
You said- "I was able to ignore the back pain to some extent and get on with stuff but now with the knee pain, I am finding it very difficult to do much"
That's why you got knee pain on top of your back pain!!! You were coping too well with the back pain so your mind created something that would keep you feeling the despair. Since I've just come back to the forum, I don't know your backstory but it is so classic for TMS.
Carolyn |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 06/11/2011 : 09:46:04
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The fear is often harder to banish than the pain.
If you still fear there is a physical problem, and that you can do more damage that will perpetuate or worsen the pain, then you simply have not fully accepted that the pain has a psychological origin, and it will continue.
It is not easy but you need to at least act as if you believe that the pain has no structural cause and is 100% caused by psychological issues. If you do not, then you leave the door open for your mind to continue its strategy.
If you have had complete medical check-ups and ruled out any serious disease or structural issue, and the doctors can do nothing other than prescribe physical therapy and painkillers, then what do you have to lose by making a leap of belief and truly commit to the TMS diagnosis?
Again, it is very difficult to get to that point, but it is truly necessary for recovery. When the pain comes, just remind yourself there is nothing physically wrong, resume physical activity as much as you are able, and shift your thoughts to your emotions.
If you do not get relief after a long time, then it could mean you have not been truly successful in eliminating the doubt that maybe you do have a physical problem after all, or the emotional issues are deep and significant, and you need help to explore them. |
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wrldtrv
666 Posts |
Posted - 06/11/2011 : 13:56:59
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Thanks for your comments. Darko, yes, I do have the habit of negativity and I know that no matter how ingrained, it must be at least lessened to make significant progress. Actually, I've made a good start. Meditation and mindfulness have made me much more aware in the moment of the negative thoughts. The next step is to stop believing them.
And Dave, you're right that the fear is harder to banish than the pain. Fear does not succumb to ibuprofen.
The most frustating thing for me is that almost all of my symptoms over the years have turned out to be either nothing or trivial, and ALL have eventually disappeared. One would think simply seeing this scenario over and over I would relax and stop worrying. Not so. Each time is like the first time.
Symptoms that particularly scare me are ones having to do with my sense of myself as a very fit, athletic person, especially symptoms that might threaten my running, which is part of my identity. |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 06/12/2011 : 07:18:37
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wrld,
I think you said something particularly useful in the end, concerning fear of losing your identity as a fit runner person. TMS and hypochondria aside, maybe that's a clue to "branch out" a bit, avocation-wise. I agree that our sense of who we are is important to happiness; that is I think we all need to feel good about ourselves in a few areas...
I find that getting older is to experience a constant series of diminishments. I was in superb shape back in my 30's and 40's. Ten mile a day runner, top level on the stairmaster on non running days for an hour, a damn good physique if I do say so. Well, I'm 60 now and all that is gone. I'm in pretty damn good shape still, but now I have to add that unhappy qualification "for my age."
But meanwhile, as I've watched myself get whittled down by the aging process, I've branched out into other non-physical areas which also give me satisfaction and a sense of happiness and worth. I started writing, began playing the piano, became a dog person. One has to keep moving forward while accepting the things that are gone because there really is no choice..
As to fear and worry, those I have learned and continue to learn, are optional to a very great extent. Fear cannot occur without its physical concomitants, and those we can largely control with practice. I've said many times here that in my opinion many of us have the deep conviction that fear somehow protects us. "How can I not be afraid of this pain? I *have* to fear it because if I don't the worst will surely happen."
But we don't have to feel afraid, and the "worst" will happen or not as it sees fit. It's the giving up "control" that's the really scary thing. |
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Joy_I_Am
United Kingdom
138 Posts |
Posted - 06/12/2011 : 16:15:54
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Darko said:
'So what if you have a physical issue???!!! There is nothing you can do except deal with it......how does worrying about it help...???'
That really struck me! What a great strategy! It allows you to let go of the constant, irritating, self-perpetuating quest for the 'magic' answer! I've thought plenty of times: "There must be a physical reason for this pain, and 'They' aren't looking hard enough for it, and if only I could have this test or that test... the doctors aren't listening, and they're not doing the right tests only because they're too expensive, and they'll all be sorry when I'm dead and they do the autopsy and say 'My god, she must have been in so much pain with this big obvious physical flaw...'... etc etc." Yeah, drama queen! Totally self-perpetuating. And if I need fuel, there's plenty on google...
Looking for the answer, for me, was/is just a way of feeding the demon. And I think Art is spot on, that for some of us, fear is a way of thinking we're in control. I think OCD is a bit like that - an illusion - a superstition almost - that by anticipating or fretting over a problem, we can prevent it happening.
BTW Art, when you said you 'became a dog person', I admit thought of werewolves for a moment! 
J |
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golden_girl
United Kingdom
128 Posts |
Posted - 06/12/2011 : 18:54:04
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Posted - 06/12/2011 : 16:15:54
Darko said:
'So what if you have a physical issue???!!! There is nothing you can do except deal with it......how does worrying about it help...???'
Thinking this way eased most of my hypochondria!! The amount of times I was freaking out the weird pain in my side was appendicitis and it would explode and I'd be so ill and have to go to hospital and and and - now, if it occurs I accept that well yes, this COULD be the 28th time and now I really DO have appendicitis and if I do - so what?! So bloody what! I'll go to hospital, I'll be so unwell I won't have time to panic, and I'll have a routine operation. And that'll be that. And then I stop fretting and the pain goes away ;)
Now, to try and apply this to everything else that makes me worry....!
And Joy, your description of the autopsy reminds me of Spike Milligan's epitaph: "I told you I was ill." :D
"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown |
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severson
USA
14 Posts |
Posted - 06/12/2011 : 20:17:13
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wrld, In my personal journey into the abyss of chronic pain, the one constant I have found is that it ALWAYS correlates with the unconcious (or sometimes concious) need or desire to distance myself emotionally from a person or situation. Not saying this applies to your situation but I have recognized this as one of my patterns.
Currently, instead of running for the horizon to escape the physical malady I have chose to stick it out and try to slay the dragon once and for all and take the power back.
Wise words Art, giving up the control is by far the most fear inducing part of this affliction in my opinion.
gg, Not sure who Ian Brown is but I have another acronym for fear that was my old mantra....F**k Everything and Run  |
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wrldtrv
666 Posts |
Posted - 06/13/2011 : 20:38:43
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Yes, the getting older thing is threatening, Art. So far, I don't notice much change, and I've been extremely fortunate in that respect, but change is inevitible. It's really something I have been looking at in meditation.
Running is not my only physical interest, but it is certainly primary and although I have been doing it 33 years, off/on, it has been much more important to me in recent years, probably because it's an area in which I can continue to progress. I also love dogs and books and travel.
I like what Darko said about looking at your beliefs to see what you keep focusing on and then changing them to something that serves you better. My beliefs generally don't serve me. They are often illogically pessimistic and tend to center on the body. In fact, I can pretty much count on any prolonged stressful situation to eventually be expressed in my body. Stereotypical somatization. I've heard that what you can't express with words will be expressed one way or the other, eg through the body.
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 06/22/2011 : 17:05:38
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I feel your pain, wrldtrv and I am glad you are still on the forum..You always helped me a lot! I have the same Fear going on as well..and the same worry about it being structural..I haven't read all the posts to you yet, but I will..I hope you feel much better very soon! :)
~Karen |
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Fear
