| Author |
 Topic  |
|
|
golden_girl
United Kingdom
128 Posts |
 Posted - 06/14/2011 : 18:53:21
|
I feel at the end of my tether, I seem to have regressed so much now EVERYTHING seems difficult. The anxiety is now embedded in my brain, and the constant worrying about needing the toilet - will there be a toilet/will it be available/what if I panic/what if I make a complete and utter fool of myself? I know I should just say **** it but it's so hard, I'm so tired of it, I don't think I have the willpower. Even things which to everyone else are simple, no-brainers, or even FUN, like tomorrow night going to my friend's housewarming. WHY am I panicking about this?! Or next month, going 150 miles to my niece's christening, something I did two years ago for my nephew's?!
The christening is something I sort of feel I HAVE to do, and I don't want to. Because I don't want to have to deal with the anxiety, and the potential panic. But I don't want to have to tell my sister or my dad I'm not going. On one hand, they *should* understand as they know about my issues and I *should* be able to explain myself as I'm a fully grown adult, but I want everything to be easy, even the boring stuff, like it is for my siblings, and everyone else.
I don't know what to do. I feel tired and broken, having lived with this form of TMS for over 7 years, and having had anxiety and other forms for 20, since I was 9. It feels like the world's given up on me, my family and my friends and my boyfriend, no one tried to fix me when I wasn't old enough to fix myself and now I don't know how to do it!
See, I do know how childish and whiny I sound. I know that I act like baby sometimes, as I was always referred to as "The Baby" in my family, I know I fear embarrassing myself in public, and how I hate feeling obliged to do what other people ask me to do (when it's even something as fun as seeing my friends or niece - I feel almost angry that they're... demanding something I won't feel comfortable with, and I've spent the last 7 - or more - years orchestrating my life, my work, my location, even my relationships, so I won't have anxiety - hahaha how ludicrous!!!!?! I have more than I've ever had!!!! Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results...)
I dislike whingers, I want to shake them and tell them to change! I think overweight people should stop eating cakes and do some exercise - I've put on over three stone in the past couple of years. Reading about anxious people makes me want to shout at them: JUST GET ON WITH IT!! You'll never get better just sitting around - it never turns out as bad as you fear!! I'm a joke. I can't take my own advice, and feel frustrated and hateful at others, when I'm guilty of the exact same things.
I know a billion and one other things about why I act like I do - HOW do I change it?! Literally?! All the self analysis in the world doesn't help when I honestly don't know how to be any different. I feel at war with myself, constantly having a dialogue with myself about how I want to be, what the reasons are and what I could be doing differently, but instead every day is the same day, if not worse.
"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown |
Edited by - golden_girl on 06/14/2011 19:00:19 |
|
|
tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 06/14/2011 : 19:18:13
|
I think I asked this a while back, have you tried any medications for urinary urgency? I take Flomax which works very well for me. I've seen commercials on TV for similar drugs for females with incontinence issues, have you tried any of them?
DR. SARNO'S 12 DAILY REMINDERS:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0dKBFwGR0g
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Jiddu Krishnamurti
|
 |
|
|
golden_girl
United Kingdom
128 Posts |
Posted - 06/14/2011 : 19:40:22
|
When I first (and last!) saw my GP when the urinary issues began, she took one look at me and said ANXIETY. I was never offered any medication (I don't know what drugs they have for it in the UK, and what would be appropriate for my age - and I hasten to add, I've never been incontinent, although that us my greatest fear!!!) I guess I should count myself lucky, in a way, that I never went down that route. There is no doubt in my mind that this is all anxiety!! Although I have constant pressure, burning etc (except when distracted...) I have no urgency and frequency usually - but it all borders on the ridiculous with the smallest amount of fear/threat/change if circumstance. Anything from having to answer the front door, to taking an hour car ride (which is about my top most limit on what I'll do), and my heart will be thudding in my ears and I'll be running to the toilet.
"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown |
Edited by - golden_girl on 06/14/2011 19:50:38 |
|
|
|
tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 06/14/2011 : 20:24:41
|
Well it sounds like the same problem I had and a doctor friend told me to take Flomax and it worked like magic. TMS doesn't mean you need to suffer in silence and not take meds for symptomatic relief. Just knowing there was a pill I could pop relieved much of my anxiety about the issue. I see commercials all the time for similar meds for females. I think you should see a doctor and try some meds for this if the doc thinks it would help.
DR. SARNO'S 12 DAILY REMINDERS:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0dKBFwGR0g
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Jiddu Krishnamurti
|
|
|
|
Joy_I_Am
United Kingdom
138 Posts |
Posted - 06/15/2011 : 03:44:00
|
Aw, GG, you don't sound whiny - but I bet your inner child is kicking off big time right now! You sound angry with other people and frustrated with yourself. I can totally understand why you feel so overwhelmed, and I, too, wonder how other people can look forward to these stimulating occasions, out of their comfort zone - it freaks me out! I'm anxious/HSP, so I absorb EVERYTHING that's going on, and that's exhausting and irritating to the nerves. So you can't be EXPECTED to look forward to that - please let yourself off that hook straight away! It's perfectly okay to think 'A party? Oh damn!' It's our reality. The extroverts and the non-anxious don't understand that, but we are entitled to our feelings.
I was really interested in your post because urinary frequency has been a problem for me too. I always get a sensitive bladder before trips and social occasions, no matter how much I tell myself it's just TMS. But once I get there, I am so focused on coping that I don't need to go so much! You say yourself that you're ok when you're 'distracted' and I've found this too.
On a practical note, I agree with Tennis Tom. Because I had a real problem with 'non-bacterial cystitis', which an enlightened urologist finally diagnosed as 'hyper sensitive bladder' (he didn't mention anxiety, but that was exactly why I had it). So he prescribed a pill that deadened the 'peeing muscles' a little. I took it for a few weeks, and it was fabulous, really stopped the pattern and let my bladder expand to normal size again. I cannot tell you what a huge difference it made!
Now, when I feel a flare up, I know it's just my anxiety, and practise 'holding on' - and it really works. I think the standard advice for real cystitis is to pee as soon as you feel the urge, which is the worst possible advice for urgency (though of course, if you have real cystitis, get thee to a doctor - I sometimes go to get my urine tested, and if it's clear, I know I'm 'systems go' for holding on). I never thought I'd be able to deal with this, and it's not always perfect, but it really is manageable. Honest!
Oh, and I don't think taking drugs in this case is 'anti Sarno' because peeing is a natural urge, you can't ignore it completely, but a little chemical help means you can start to put it in perspective.
BTW I imagine your dislike of other people whining is something you direct at yourself, maybe too much. It is not your fault you have a sensitive nervous system. Be kind and accepting of yourself. My favourite people are always the sensitive ones!
Good luck, Joy |
|
|
|
art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 06/15/2011 : 05:27:54
|
GG,
The urinary stuff aside, this sounds like a form of social phobia. It can be treated. You're not alone. It's much more common than you might think. |
Edited by - art on 06/15/2011 05:35:21 |
|
|
|
Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 06/15/2011 : 05:41:02
|
Hey GG,
I had a quick read of your post but didn't read any further as I don't have much time these days. I'll offer you some suggestions based on my experience and keep it short and punchy....for a change 
I've been where you are, and it's not nice. Now it sounds like you actually know what to do but your mind is running the show....hence the failure. Sadly I found that I didn't actually make any serious changes in my life until I had a complete breakdown. When the pain is unlivable we either change or cease, maybe you need more pain in order to get control of things in your head and make the changes.
Try to make peace with everything in your life...symptoms, pain, anything negative. ALLOW it and start to tell yourself that you can handle this....I'm not saying it's ideal, just that you can handle it. By hating your current situation so much you are actually focusing on it....this is the TMS trap. I've said this many times, your can't push something away you can only attract something different. WHO DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO LIVE AN ANXIETY FREE LIFE???? Anxiety is your minds addiction to the negative.......which is simply "fear of loss or fear of perceived loss" If your neighbours house is burning down you'll only develop anxiety when you start to think yours might go next....otherwise nothing.
What are you fearing??
How would an anxiety free person think? Focus on being like that person.......
I bang on about this constantly.....REMOVE NEGATIVITY from your life. What is going on in your mind??? Why are your believing crap thoughts that make you feel negative ( anxiety ) You read that post on anger that I responded to, so you know about involuntary thoughts. Go back and read that bit.....when the trash starts in your head you need to squash it, otherwise you'll get anxiety. If you truly had faith that everything was going to work out ok, didn't fear losing anything and knew you could handle anything the universe presented to you then WHAT WOULD YOU NEED TO HAVE ANXIETY ABOUT???? Nothing!
Now put a stop to the silly thoughts, allow, focus on the positive......the work starts in your head, the rest will come easy.
Good luck
D
|
|
|
|
golden_girl
United Kingdom
128 Posts |
Posted - 06/15/2011 : 08:04:37
|
The doctor sent me straight off to a psychologist who was an absolute cow, and basically took the mickey out of my symptoms. No help at all.
Joy - my problem is, I'm both extroverted AND anxious! That makes my internal battle all the more harder, feeling like I'm not being myself because I've got all this worry in my head. You're totally right that I dislike myself, so I dislike all the things about me in other people.
It's clear to me that it's anxiety - the time when I get the most relief, the time when it *should* be at its worst, is after drinking! Obviously the alcohol depresses the nervous system, making me less anxious, it deadens the pain in my bladder, and also gives me the confidence to say **** IT! Needless to say, I probably drink too much. Now, to find a way to feel this way sober!
Art, I think it is social phobia. I have always had friends, but never felt like I fit in, always conscious that others are having more fun/better lives/are generally better than me. I can remember feeling this way when I was 10. Who would you suggest I seek for treatment - a counselor/psychologist?
Darko, I have had three breakdowns in my life. First came after giving up drugs, which changed my life completely - for the better, but also left me with major paranoia, OCD and hypochondria. Then when this whole urinary/TMS thing kicked off 7 years ago. That was the worst, I think, I was completely agoraphobic for three months, I couldn't even walk into my front garden! Clawed my way out of that pit, and was doing much better after than I am now. Then two years ago, when my now boyfriend dumped me - that was pretty horrible. I think I cried and panicked and felt absolutely out of my tree for about two months straight. But even then, I clawed my way out. There's no apparent reason why I've slipped back so far this time...
Sorry, I know you won't have time to read this, I'm wittering on... I *know* what I'm doing wrong, that energy follows attention, and I'm giving all my attention to all the bad stuff - I'm just at a loss at how to practically apply it! I did read one post of yours, Darko, where you said to write a list of all the negative thoughts, and swap them for positive ones. I think that will be really helpful, help me to see the wood for the trees. I'm going to do that - NOW!
Thanks everyone, I really appreciate it 
"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown |
Edited by - golden_girl on 06/15/2011 08:09:52 |
|
|
|
art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 06/15/2011 : 12:56:50
|
GG,
Social phobia can be an absolutely devastating condition, because it cuts across so many areas. The fear of embarrassment which is really the fear of being shamed is terribly powerful. As you quite rightly point out, will power is no match for it...
First thing I would do is get on amazon and order a paperback or two. Really do what you can to educate yourself. After that, I promise you'll know what to do.
This is a much more common condition than many believe. It usually affects sensitive people who tend to be introverts, but extroverts sometimes suffer from it was well interestingly enough. Critical, shaming parents are also common.
You've shown lots of smarts and plenty of courage on the forum. I guarantee you can overcome this. |
Edited by - art on 06/15/2011 12:59:06 |
|
|
|
golden_girl
United Kingdom
128 Posts |
Posted - 06/22/2011 : 18:38:57
|
quote:
Originally posted by art
GG,
You've shown lots of smarts and plenty of courage on the forum. I guarantee you can overcome this.
Art - that's actually one of the best, if not the best, things anyone has ever said about me. I quoted it in my head the other day, when I was in a mind meltdown. I just wanted to say thank you - thank you
"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown |
Edited by - golden_girl on 06/22/2011 18:46:27 |
|
|
|
ennio
28 Posts |
Posted - 06/24/2011 : 14:49:59
|
GG, I'm a newb here, but I can relate to a lot of what you're saying, especially the social phobia elements.
I'm the typically socially phobic: introverted and sensitive as was said above. My battle with the phobia has centered around always feeling like I'm under the spotlight even when I know it's ridiculous. For example, if I walk into a store I've never been in, I immediately feel naked, like all eyes are on me, and that I'm going to be kicked out of the store! Later on, I can look at it more clearly and say it's ridiculous, but the feelings at the moment are very powerful.
In the effort to get better, I am working to stop wishing I was different, because that generates a lot of stress inside me. I've always admired extroverts in that they seem to handle social situations with ease and aplomb. It's always been nerve-wracking for me.
So, I'm moving more towards self-acceptance. That even if I get scared or anxiety-ridden, I'm not "wrong". For me, the desire to be a different person creates so much discomfort. The more I tell myself it's going to be alright as I am, the better I feel. It is still a struggle for me and I have a lot of work to do. But anyway, just thought I'd throw that in if it helps...
I have heard of certain medications working for some people. I tried Paxil years ago, but I didn't feel differently one way or the other.
Peace...
|
|
|
|
art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 06/24/2011 : 15:10:58
|
It's terribly difficult for people to grasp that feelings of shame are just that, feelings. The trouble with shame is it feels, well, shameful. I used to think, well, I really can't have an inferiority complex because I really am inferior.
Just understanding that social phobia is an illness, that is an actual neurologic condition whereby the brain has become conditioned to fear situations that other people don't even blink at. The good news is the brain is a miracle of plasticity. This stuff can definitely be overcome.
It also helps to understand there are plenty of other sufferers. There's lots of help and support out there..
And Golden Girl, I meant every word. But it makes me sad that such words are new to you. Sounds like you had a childhood similar to mine :>) |
|
|
|
golden_girl
United Kingdom
128 Posts |
Posted - 06/24/2011 : 22:14:50
|
Art, I have never had anyone really made me feel less than I am - except me!! I have been told I'm clever, pretty, fun (but I'll always think/tell you back that I'm not academic, I'm not slim enough to live up to my physical potential, I'm not as laid back/ easy going/nice/strong as other people...) My parents never told me I should be better or were really disappointed in me. I have often been disappointed with them. I don't know where I get this whole attitude from.
No one, however, apart from you has ever told me I'm brave. I'm truly overwhelmed - in a good way!! - about that!!
"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown |
|
|
|
golden_girl
United Kingdom
128 Posts |
Posted - 06/24/2011 : 22:30:21
|
Ennio, you might be a newbie here but you're totally on the right track from what you wrote!!
Yes I believe too that it's the discomfort we feel from what we think, and what us actually the case, that contributes so much to our symptoms. Have you read any Byron Katie? I know from my meltdown here I don't sound the best person to listen to but Byron Katie has some great ideas on not believing our "truths". The idea that everything we immediately assume to be true may actually NOT be true is an obvious, yet baffling concept, and perhaps is the very core of TMS!
As I mentioned, I am both extrovert and sensitive, I am in a constant battle of who I really am and how my mind/ego has developed me into. Also great writers on this subject include Eckhart Tolle and Martha Beck. In fact, by identifying myself as extrovert is creating a battle...and it's all rubbish anyway! I see the wood for the trees, but there's a forest in the way!!!
Best of luck on your TMS journey!!
"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown |
|
|
|
Wodg
Australia
89 Posts |
Posted - 06/25/2011 : 23:09:21
|
Take action, write a list of things to do and get them done, all this self analysis and crap is an excuse do NOTHING. Your an addict to the anxiety!
Go to the housewarming... just go...then get home and clean your house...then go to the christening...then do some excercise and lose the weight. When your on the roll keep moving and vow never to go back to your anxiety/TMS crutch.
Start today and vow to never stop moving...never go backwards...try not to think about anxiety ever again. A week of doing this and you will know what I mean. Turn the computer off and start now because It can get worse and you don't want to go there.
|
|
|
| |
Topic |
|
|
|
Feeling overwhelmed
