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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
 Posted - 07/09/2012 : 04:38:46
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The pain has moved around a lot. It tried the knees first the right then the left. Its still in the neck & shoulder area. The back was better so I did 2 very basic stretches yesterday morning. As soon as I got up the old familiar back pain came back & with it the lower abdominal pain too. The 2 are always connected somehow.
My tummy started feeling really bloated. Then at lunch time I started feeling panicky, couldn't sit. Kept moving around feeling really anxious, crying. I was not hungry at all & was belching up a huge amount of gas. This went on the whole day. Never have felt like that before. I woke up at 3 am covered in sweat feeling nauseous & had bad tummy ache despite eating very little that day.
This morning again the feeling of depression & anxiety set in as soon as i woke up & Its has been with me the whole day. I am feeling very very down & have had some very disturbing thoughts.
I have been reading StevO's book & he mentions anxiety. Could this be it? Its awful.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
Edited by - mala on 07/09/2012 04:41:45 |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 07/09/2012 : 07:56:03
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Well dear one, if it isn't CAUSED by anxiety, it's certainly CREATING anxiety for you, isn't it, and that's why we're on this board.
You said you felt really panicky and were feeling anxious, so that's anxiety. I know it sucks. Yet everything is actually ok! I know in my own life, even when things have been very bad by all logical accounts, things are really ok, and I get through it and there seems to be a benevolent universe operating.
I've noticed there are two kinds of anxiety, although they interact with each other: One is situational - I'm anxious because I'm waiting for my test results, worried about my kids (well, I don't have any, but you know), my bills. And the other is anxiety because there seems to be something dark arising from inside myself that scares me. Your disturbing thoughts and feeling down make it sound like you're having this species of fear/panic/anxiety.
Perhaps therapy or journaling might help you put words to what unconscious or subconscious feelings, thoughts and beliefs inside are knocking at the door of your consciousness and causing this anxiety. To paraphrase Sarno it could rage, which has been so suppressed that it has become like a terrorist inside us. We get symptoms because we can't deal with the magnitude of the feelings we are holding deep inside.
Knowing that is all it is helps a lot, and often it helps to unravel the inner history, from recent to ancient, to give some voice to whatever is either expressing itself or distracting you from itself through these symptoms and feelings of dread.
It's just the divided mind and the strange human system we're dealing with. No worries!
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
Edited by - Wavy Soul on 07/09/2012 07:58:00 |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 07/09/2012 : 08:39:11
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Good advice Darling Soul! I know you incorporate TMS into your work, have you thought about putting a shingle out as a "TMS Therapist"? As you know, TMS practitioners are few and far between in our parts and it may help to pay the bills lessening the anxiety. There's TMS sitting on nearly every coffee house chair and plenty of money in the Coach and Louis Vuiton purses to pay for fixing it.
Cheers |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 07/09/2012 : 09:59:06
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Hey mala,
IN my humble opinion, intense anxiety is ultimately existential in nature. You're going through quit a bit at the moment. Accepting your TMS and having to learn brand new ways to deal with your pain is pretty fundamental stuff. It wouldn't be at all surprising if your heretofore mostly subconscious fears of death and dying are coming to the surface.
In any case, anxiety can be dealt with. Meditation, exercise, therapy can all help. I tend to be a do-it-yourselfer who prefers simple and direct methods, so what I attempt to do is short circuit anxiety by focusing on my breath to the exclusion of any anxiety inducing thoughts. This works quite well. You say you experienced anxiety as soon as you woke up, but I'm guess it took a second for you to start thinking about where you'd left off the previous night. Only then did the anxiety kick back in.
Anxiety is painful, but it won't hurt you. And you can certainly learn to deal with it qute effectively.
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Edited by - art on 07/09/2012 10:02:04 |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 07/09/2012 : 10:11:08
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Mala,
Your message is entirely focused on symptoms. It is no wonder it sticks with you.
I realize you are going through a very difficult time and hope you can find a way to channel your energy away from the symptoms.
What gives you joy? |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 07/09/2012 : 10:45:06
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Art said
"what I attempt to do is short circuit anxiety by focusing on my breath to the exclusion of any anxiety inducing thoughts. This works quite well."
I'll say! Focusing on the breath is the answer. Everything I do with clients and students is to bring them to the point where this actually INTERESTS them.
Tom: Actually, I have enough clients, thanks for the thought. The reason I don't put out a shingle here is that I am determined to be real and vulnerable in my life, and it's too easy to adopt an "expert" identity if I am considered a practitioner. I'm not perfect, right and done in this stuff, obviously. Sometimes it seems as though I have the most complex and enormous TMS manifestation. Huge healings, then it returns somewhere else. My clients have much better healings than I do. (If anyone is interested I am at www dot infinitewave dot org.)
Re the breath, again... What I ask people, and myself, is: What would it take to actually fall in love with the flow of breath (which is the flow of life, and the doorway to higher, or deeper consciousness) so that I would fall into it like a river and be carried through life like a surfer on a super surfboard that can handle any wave.
What it takes, for me, is to go beyond "watching" the breath as though it were an object and I (the mind) the subject, and go into a more subjective (sometimes known as "i-thou") relationship or communion with it.
There are many paths
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 07/09/2012 : 11:31:08
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wavy...
Couldn't agree more. When it comes to this stuff, thinking is the enemy.
Return to the breath, over and over and over. It's the only way in, and the only way out. (My, how zen of me :-) |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 07/10/2012 : 02:48:52
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[quote] Mala,
Your message is entirely focused on symptoms. It is no wonder it sticks with you.
I realize you are going through a very difficult time and hope you can find a way to channel your energy away from the symptoms.
What gives you joy?/quote]
Dave you are right . I am focussed becoz I guess I'm trying to banish each symptom that has been popping up this last week. Perhaps I'm just stupid & don't get this whole TMS thing even though I've been at it for ages.
What gives me joy? Many things . My husband, my sister , my mom, my niece & nephew, traveling, my dog, dancing my new convertible. My luxurious lifestyle for which I am exceedingly grateful. But honestly these last few days , its been so dark that I can't see anything good. I'm stumped & in a bad place. The pain somehow I could manage. This constant feeling of anxiousness I cannot deal with. Its got me & the saddest thing is I DON"T KNOW WHY!
Sorry.
If all this pain & suffering I've had for 12 years now is supposed to have a purpose & teach me something then then I am not getting it. Like I said I must be stupid.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
Edited by - mala on 07/10/2012 03:11:34 |
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PJ77
United Kingdom
44 Posts |
Posted - 07/10/2012 : 05:41:01
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Hi Mala,
Severe anxiety, severe back pain, severe neck pain - these are the symptoms I've had for ages. When I get back pain, I say anxiety is better at least I can stand up! But when you get anxiety you get so restless and wish it was something else. To be honest, they are all just as bad as one another - I have been stuck in this for a long time and cannot find my way out, symptoms if anything just getting worse and worse. I know one thing, it seems to be one thing at a particular time, never really 2 things exactly at the same time, they alternate between each other. I have been saying for ages it seems as if they are distracting me from something - and they are doing - apparently from negative emotions - I get that but dealing with it especially when tried all the methods laid out by TMS specialists on a daily basis has still made my symptoms worse.
Best of luck Mala - I have got SteveO's book today so hoping this will help me move forward - although it was never meant to be easy to get out this, I never expected it this hard! |
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drh7900
USA
194 Posts |
Posted - 07/10/2012 : 12:40:42
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quote:
Originally posted by mala
[quote] Mala,
Your message is entirely focused on symptoms. It is no wonder it sticks with you.
I realize you are going through a very difficult time and hope you can find a way to channel your energy away from the symptoms.
What gives you joy?/quote]
Dave you are right . I am focussed becoz I guess I'm trying to banish each symptom that has been popping up this last week. Perhaps I'm just stupid & don't get this whole TMS thing even though I've been at it for ages.
What gives me joy? Many things . My husband, my sister , my mom, my niece & nephew, traveling, my dog, dancing my new convertible. My luxurious lifestyle for which I am exceedingly grateful. But honestly these last few days , its been so dark that I can't see anything good. I'm stumped & in a bad place. The pain somehow I could manage. This constant feeling of anxiousness I cannot deal with. Its got me & the saddest thing is I DON"T KNOW WHY!
Sorry.
If all this pain & suffering I've had for 12 years now is supposed to have a purpose & teach me something then then I am not getting it. Like I said I must be stupid.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala
You're not stupid, Mala. You're suffering.
Your symptoms are your brain's way of physically expressing what it's afraid to express emotionally. Don't try to "banish" the symptoms. As has been stated elsewhere on these boards..."acceptance" is a better word than "ignoring" or "banishing". I think it's in SteveO's book that it is mentioned that there have been studies that show that cancer patients have more success in being victorious in their battle with cancer when they have accepted the cancer as a part of them rather than viewing it as some kind of foreign enemy.
Your symptoms are a part of you. They are an extension of your unconscious emotions...darker, scarier, more negative emotions than the dark and disturbing thoughts you have going on in your head. So as difficult as it sounds...accept the symptoms for what they are...and adjust your focus. Do something positive. Find some affirmations to repeat to yourself. Do something you love to do. Live your life instead of allowing the pain, anxiety, etc, rule over you. If you need to...do some journaling or get some therapy. And ESPECIALLY if you're having thoughts of harming yourself or others TALK TO SOMEONE.
You're not alone in your struggle...we're all going (or have gone through) our own TMS healing journeys. Many if not most of us have felt that frustration. You're being hard on yourself for "not getting it" which is another trait of the TMS-prone personality. Work on changing your thoughts to positive thoughts...accepting things for what they are and working to allow your mindbody to heal so that you can heal physically.
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Dustin |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 07/10/2012 : 13:08:40
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Yes, I want to add that you're not stupid, you're suffering in the unique way that so many of us have suffered, on these boards.
I am you, have been where you are many times. One thing I like about coming here is that I realize I'm not alone. That part of me that thinks it has to "get this stuff" perfectly (which as mentioned above is actually part of our TMS tendency) can relax.
We are with you, in a way. A whole tribe of stupid folk who identify with our symptoms at times and are moving imperfectly into waking up out of that tendency.
You are doing great. They say in AA that backsliding is part of progress. You reached out, which is a very healthy thing.
xxx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 07/10/2012 : 16:29:47
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"If all this pain & suffering I've had for 12 years now is supposed to have a purpose & teach me something then then I am not getting it. Like I said I must be stupid."
No, no purpose. But you can come to understand it, which is 90 percent of the battle. ALso mala, you might ask yourself the source of your unhappiness. I know that's somewhat presumptuous of me, but most of us have areas of pain and sadnes in our lives. Sarno talks in terms of unconscious rage. Some of the current thinking, as I understand it, has stress as the main causative factor. I tend to think in more humanistic terms, at least lately. IS there something going on in your life that's causing you emotional pain, other than your symptoms I mean. If so, this might be your mind/body's way of telling you to make some changes, in the way say, loneliness motivates us to go out and find more meaningful connections...
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Edited by - art on 07/10/2012 16:52:48 |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 07/12/2012 : 07:26:32
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quote:
Originally posted by mala
[quote] Mala,
Your message is entirely focused on symptoms. It is no wonder it sticks with you.
I realize you are going through a very difficult time and hope you can find a way to channel your energy away from the symptoms.
What gives you joy?/quote]
Dave you are right . I am focussed becoz I guess I'm trying to banish each symptom that has been popping up this last week. Perhaps I'm just stupid & don't get this whole TMS thing even though I've been at it for ages.
What gives me joy? Many things . My husband, my sister , my mom, my niece & nephew, traveling, my dog, dancing my new convertible. My luxurious lifestyle for which I am exceedingly grateful. But honestly these last few days , its been so dark that I can't see anything good. I'm stumped & in a bad place. The pain somehow I could manage. This constant feeling of anxiousness I cannot deal with. Its got me & the saddest thing is I DON"T KNOW WHY!
Sorry.
If all this pain & suffering I've had for 12 years now is supposed to have a purpose & teach me something then then I am not getting it. Like I said I must be stupid.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala
The purpose of the pain is to distract. To discover what from, explore the Holmes-Rahe list of life stressors:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
P.82 From Steve Ozanich's book "THE GREAT PAIN DECEPTION":
"The larger picture becomes clearer when the entire painting is unveiled. But life passes by too quickly to always grab the brass ring , and so they spin around on the pain-go-round in eternal circles--caught in the eye of going along with the pack mentality. They aren't dumb, they just don't know yet because they're caught up in the frenzy of a modern society and blinded by tremendous misconceptions regarding health."
p.85
"These days I know when I get a stab of pain that I'm frustrated or angry inside and that my body is okay, and the pain never stays more than a few seconds. This has brought contentiousness, as several people have said to me, "I thought you were pain-free?" The idea that a human being will never have pain again is fantasy. When I say pain-free, I mean there is no chronicity or severity."
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Edited by - tennis tom on 07/12/2012 10:02:13 |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 07/12/2012 : 11:41:29
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quote:
Originally posted by mala
Like I said I must be stupid.
Stop being so hard on yourself. In fact, it is the opposite. Your intelligence is hindering your recovery. You want so much to understand why you have these symptoms. But you cannot. The symptoms are caused by unconscious psychological triggers that by definition you cannot be aware of. Stop trying so hard to figure out what is impossible.
The reason I asked about sources of joy in your life, is because maybe you are not focusing enough on them.
You cannot think your way out of TMS. Even if you were able to "understand" it all, it would not help. It is not an analytical problem that can be solved. It is an irrational process over which you have no control. Accept that. |
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anxiety? please help
