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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
 Posted - 11/11/2012 : 18:02:59
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Symptoms:
Yesterday I awoke with considerable anxiety. This was based around my past family and the bad feelings that I still carry. I must have dreamt about them before waking, and it was an all round combined feeling of distaste and unhappiness towards them. Even though my mother and father are deceased these feelings still remain, and I have only a brother and sister to contend with presently. I have not been able to get to the point of forgiveness and acceptance despite reading much about this and listening to Dr. Z’s podcasts, I’m just not there yet! One of the problems I can’t forgive is I still need to protect myself and family. Over my life span I’ve given my past family many-many chances in vain, I just don’t trust either my brother or sister, they are poisonous and bad for me to the detriment of my happiness. I have found it necessary to block emails and phone calls as of last May. Where did this thought spike come from? I guess it’s not over till it’s over.
Last summer:
With a hint from SteveO’s book to go and enjoy myself and have fun, I did just this and windsurfed extensively for the whole of the summer. I windsurfed so much I lost a lot of weight, and became very bothered by this. I made post accordingly. Wonderful Mala helped by posting a Body Mass Chart, and indicated I was not that much under weight. Since then I have transferred my energies to working out and now have a personal trainer. My goal is to hit next windsurfing season fully beefed up, as I usually veg out over the winter!
Present:
Thanks to every body’s help here, I have progressed this summer immensely. I still have neck pain, but now view it very differently as it is gradually losing its presence in my mindset, and I am much calmer. In my second year of retirement, I have no daily stress, and I must admit my mind has become happy, soggy and rather lazy; all I do is post here and muse about TMS all day. It’s a lovely new experience, as I exit Dr.Sarno’s “years of responsibility”.
Anxiety fix:
So waking up with anxiety yesterday was a big shock! I immediately turned it off. I gave thanks for another day, as the sun shone through the drapes. I thought of my lovely companion wife who had brought carnations the previous day, and how lucky I am to have her next to me during my days on this planet. She is happy right now, her sister is visiting, and the house is filled with babbling laughter.
Why let a little thought, a mere chemical blip in my brain spoil a good day?
Thanks to all for giving me these new skills.
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Back on Wiki Edu Program day 15
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years. (to be evicted later.)
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
Edited by - andy64tms on 11/11/2012 18:05:09 |
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eric watson
USA
601 Posts |
Posted - 11/11/2012 : 20:27:13
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| Awesome andy -thanks for the encourgament and letting us all know its not over till its really over-i have family that cant be trusted and just tonight when a neice of mine came by-i instantly felt anxiety and had to excuse myself while she talked to my wife so i could go and affirm-meditate and as weird as this sounds-sleep it off-when i awoke everything was fine and back to normal-she has just done so much bad to the family that its really hard to forget especially knowing that shes still up to her old schemes-it seems some people never change no matter how much we want them too but we change and we want the best for them ,we want to help them -the only help my neice wants is drug money-its a sad state to be in ,but until she sees the monster for what it really is she will continue with her debauchery-i estimate shes spent about 1.7 million on drugs and there was no slowing doun-the main thing that hurts is she really could have helped her mom when she was without a home and i was working out of state-she could have done a lot for her immediate family while they struggled to maintain but she always turned her head-she was left a large sum of money when her paw in law passed and she has never tried to even help the starving children in our comunity-now the moneys ran out and shes trying to get more from my wife-but we love her but were not going to feed her habit-sorry so long andy -just had to get that off my chest-ill sleep better tonight-i had nightmares about arguing with her too... |
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tennis tom
USA
4746 Posts |
Posted - 11/11/2012 : 21:26:24
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| You guys both sound like you got your TMS heads screwed on pretty well. Keep up the good work, sleep well, don't let the bed bugs bite. |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 11/12/2012 : 00:35:39
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I’m just not there yet! One of the problems I can’t forgive is I still need to protect myself and family. Over my life span I’ve given my past family many-many chances in vain, I just don’t trust either my brother or sister, they are poisonous and bad for me to the detriment of my happiness. I have found it necessary to block emails and phone calls as of last May. Where did this thought spike come from? I guess it’s not over till it’s over.
Mmmmm this is a difficult one. Is it easier to forgive your parents than your siblings? I think so becoz except in extreme cases most parents will love & look after their children even though they may not be perfect. Siblings however can be real trouble makers & there may actually be very little if no love between some.
Andy you say you can't trust them & that they are poisonous. Your brother & sister are just who they are, they probably have their own demons to handle. Perhaps if you can't forgive, then just accept. Accept the situation the way it is becoz it can't be any other way. Acceptance is just as powerful as forgiving. By holding resentment we remain stuck forever & remain a victim. Accept and move on. Is that a possibility?
Take care
Mala
Mala Singh Barber. I'm on facebook. Look me up
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Edited by - mala on 11/12/2012 00:37:06 |
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Peregrinus
250 Posts |
Posted - 11/12/2012 : 07:27:41
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Andy, Eric and Mala:
If 25 people were selected at random how many of them would you be likely to respect and associate with? You would be fortunate to find one. Your family was not preselected for you. It's not surprising that we all have family members whose absence is what we enjoy most about them.
For many people their family becomes a tribe. They surrender their self interests for the good of the tribe. They identify themselves with the tribe. They get TMS.
Thanks for your honesty. |
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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
Posted - 11/12/2012 : 10:25:53
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Thank you all for replying.
Eric, thank you for your story. I agree with Peregrinus, most people have to deal with a certain amount of family conflict. It’s amazing the hold that other family members have over you under the guise of love, loyalty and social order, religion etc. We end up tolerating behavior, and sometimes do so for a very long time.
When I read the post below it had a very profound effect on me. It was by Wavy Soul and her “You have to let them drown”, Mala you posted there also. This was the first time I had “permission” to think this way, and it was somewhat of a relief.
Eric and Peregrinus this thread is about dysfunctional families, and very informative.It's extracted from a post called "Toxic Parents".Please excuse the yellow highlights.
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=6755&whichpage=2&SearchTerms=you%2Chave%2Cto%2Clet%2Cthem%2Cdrown
Mala,
The way I have accepted my brother and sister right now is to avoid any conflict and connection, for they will never change! I live in horror of drunken phone calls and arguments. They are both very unhappy and hate each other due to my mother’s probate scandal last May. As my parents lived they died, my parents legacy to this world is three unhappy children, unable to function. My struggle has always been to separate and remove myself from this scene, and like you Mala, I have done very well. Since May my memories and resentment has lessened, as you say I am moving on with only occasional blips to deal with.
Mala, thanks and have a happy holiday. Hope you are doing well and look forward to hearing about your progress.
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Back on Wiki Edu Program day 15
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years. (to be evicted later.)
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
Edited by - andy64tms on 11/12/2012 11:07:58 |
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Ace1
USA
1040 Posts |
Posted - 11/13/2012 : 10:18:31
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| remember to do the affirmations of forgiveness, they are key to acutally being able to accolplish this |
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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
Posted - 11/13/2012 : 10:35:45
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Hi Ace, I’m not there yet, it isn’t easy!
16. Picture someone or something that annoys or bothers you in your mind and use an affirmation like "I forgive and let go easily",over and over while seeing their face or picturing the situation.
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Back on Wiki Edu Program day 15
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years. (to be evicted later.)
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
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Anxiety blip
