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balto
839 Posts |
 Posted - 01/19/2013 : 08:51:26
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quote:
Originally posted by pspa123
This discussion between TT and Ace1 underscores perhaps the central issue in my life and I suspect it is relevant to others at least to some extent for their own reasons -- what to do with anger, which is extreme in my own case because of what happened to my autistic son. Purging it through expression seems impossible, suppressing it just means as TT said it comes out elsewhere, trying to let it go and be at peace with what happened does not seem geniune although I keep trying. Perhaps there is some other way to integrate it/metabolize it?
Just forgive and forget pspa, it is the hardest thing to do but your health worth it. It is the most powerful thing a human being can do. Compassionate healed so many people, I have seen it so many time. All religions taught that same thing, all wise people through the ages taught that same thing. Your son is special, God work in a misterious way.
My 2 lovely nieces are autistic, my brother is very happy with them, he always felt that he is the choosen one, he is somehow special enough that God allow him the opportunity to raise these 2 wonderful childs. Hope you find peace of mind. Life is short, everything is impermanent, we will all find out all the reason why thing happened the way they happened soon enough. So just live life to the fullest, take what life handed it us and move on peacefully.
I'm sorry I'm not in your shoes so these are just my thought and I hope it can help you in some way. I saw that my brother has such a peaceful and contented life. He love and proud and actually happy that it happened to him and not someone else.
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No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience. |
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NicoleSachsLCSW
USA
63 Posts |
Posted - 01/19/2013 : 09:07:22
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sure. email me directly and it would be my pleasure.
quote:
Originally posted by shawnsmith
Here's the deal I will offer to Nicole. If she sends me a review copy of her book as a pdf I will review it for her and post it on this forum and she can also use the review in any context she sees fit. What say you Nicole?
Embrace your Truth, Create your Life. |
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tennis tom
USA
4746 Posts |
Posted - 01/19/2013 : 09:16:05
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quote:
Originally posted by Ace1
...It's the unrecognized anger that's the problem, but you wouldn't know that because your not cured.
I find your tone to me very patronizing. I've given much of my time to this forum to help people understand the Good Doctor's theory and refer members to TMS practitioners. Because YOU say my hip is TMS, without ever having examined me, therefore I'm not "cured" and not worthy of being listened to.
You exhibit a fundamental misunderstanding of the nature of TMS: It is NOT something you are "cured" of--it is the "HUMAN CONDITION". It is a defense mechanism--a PROTECTOR--when life gets to be too much. Maybe you have ascended with Jesus and Buddha, and can say with absolute certainty that no viscissitudes will ever befall you and that you will not need the GIFT of TMS, but I don't possess that hubris.
You've been dismissive of me from the start and your "Dears" and "best wishes" don't impress me. Would you like to REALLY do something to help me??? I'll give you the names of my two Sarno trained TMS doctors who looked at my images and said "TOM, it's NOT TMS, it's arthritis, get a THR." I prefer your DX for my hip. Would you please consult with these two doctors, tell them they are wrong and remove this gigantic NOCEBO? I'll be happy to give you the names of the two TMS docs and their contacts and my phone number, if you want to consult with them and get to the bottom of my butt. And I'm more then happy to discuss TMS or anything else under the sun with folks here by phone or in person, as I have for many years, PM me and I'll give you my contact info.
Cheers,
tt/LSMFT |
Edited by - tennis tom on 01/19/2013 10:04:00 |
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pspa123
672 Posts |
Posted - 01/19/2013 : 09:25:46
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| Balto -- I really and truly appreciate your wisdom and I know you speak from the heart. Part of me understands, and has understood, that you are right. But so far, I am just unable to make peace with the fact that on so many levels, he has been denied his life. It is hard to find anything good in this, at least for me. Do you know the Dylan Thomas poem Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night? It's about not accepting death as opposed to not accepting tragedy in life, but it's the same concept, the same "Rage, rage." I will reflect on what you say so eloquently though, and I truly appreciate it. |
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balto
839 Posts |
Posted - 01/19/2013 : 09:36:49
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quote:
Originally posted by pspa123
Balto -- I really and truly appreciate your wisdom and I know you speak from the heart. Part of me understands, and has understood, that you are right. But so far, I am just unable to make peace with the fact that on so many levels, he has been denied his life. It is hard to find anything good in this, at least for me. Do you know the Dylan Thomas poem Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night? It's about not accepting death as opposed to not accepting tragedy in life, but it's the same concept, the same "Rage, rage." I will reflect on what you say so eloquently though, and I truly appreciate it.
I am very bad with English pspa, it is hard enough for me to read and write, I give up with poem. 
My brother told me his daughters are not being "denied" anything. We "non-autistic" people are really the one that suffer, not them. They are lucky they don't have to worry about life, about job, relationship, money,... tms. And when it is time, St Peter will let them go straight in.
if you can't forgive, atleast try not to think about the past, try not to get angry, try to forget and move on, because you are the real victim, not your son. He the special one.
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No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience. |
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pspa123
672 Posts |
Posted - 01/19/2013 : 10:48:55
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| Balto your English is just fine, you write beautifully and even more importantly your mind and heart are in the right place. |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 01/19/2013 : 10:50:06
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quote:
Originally posted by tennis tom
I'll give you the names of my two Sarno trained TMS doctors who looked at my images and said "TOM, it's NOT TMS, it's arthritis, get a THR.
Tom,
So why not listen to these two TMS doctors and get the hip replacement done and over with? Hip replacements are very successful these days. If two Sarno trained TMS doctors told me I don't have TMS that would be enough for me. [/quote] |
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tennis tom
USA
4746 Posts |
Posted - 01/19/2013 : 10:51:23
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I have received several emails from members here, and sincerely thank you. I will reply soon. I've just driven 13 straight hours and am playing in a tennis tournament. I need to get my butt into the hot-tub, read a few pages of SteveO and do a practice. I encourage you to continue the dialog here and say your piece/peace and you will feel the better for it--it's only a TV screen--it won't bite you. Don't fear making mistakes, or saying the wrong thing--that's pERFECTIONISM. Screw -up, that's how you learn and do it better next time. The year Babe Ruth won his home run record, he also made the record for the most strike-outs.
By saying your piece here, everyone will benefit from the dialog. You will ultimately feel TMS'ly better and find more peace with-in.
Cheers and talk to ya' later,
tt/LSMFT
==================================================
DR. SARNO'S 12 DAILY REMINDERS:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0dKBFwGR0g
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
==================================================
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Jiddu Krishnamurti
"Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional." Author Unknown
"Happy People Are Happy Putters." Frank Nobilo, Golf Analyst
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." Mark Twain and Balto
"The hot-dog is the noblest of dogs; it feeds the hand that bites it." Dr. Laurence Johnston Peter
"...the human emotional system was not designed to endure the mental rigors of a tennis match." Dr. Allen Fox
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"If it ends with "itis" or "algia" or "syndrome" and doctors can't figure out what causes it, then it might be TMS." Dave the Mod =================================================
TMS PRACTITIONERS:
John Sarno, MD
400 E 34th St, New York, NY 10016
(212) 263-6035
Here's the TMS practitioners list from the TMS Help Forum:
http://www.tmshelp.com/links.htm
Here's a list of TMS practitioners from the TMS Wiki:
http://tmswiki.org/ppd/Find_a_TMS_Doctor_or_Therapist
Here's a map of TMS practitioners from the old Tarpit Yoga site, (click on the map by state for listings).:
http://www.tarpityoga.com/2007_08_01_archive.html |
Edited by - tennis tom on 01/19/2013 10:52:40 |
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tennis tom
USA
4746 Posts |
Posted - 01/19/2013 : 11:03:56
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quote:
Originally posted by shawnsmith
So why not listen to these two TMS doctors and get the hip replacement done and over with? Hip replacements are very successful these days. If two Sarno trained TMS doctors told me I don't have TMS that would be enough for me.
Thanks Shawn, that's a long story but I've all ways found as with cars OEM parts are the best and I feel the same about my God given hip--it's only tennis--for general life functioning, being a step slow is not a problem.
Cheers |
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lmcox
24 Posts |
Posted - 01/19/2013 : 11:17:38
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I kind of feel like everyone on here needs to write their own book, since the TMS experience is unique to every single person and is an ongoing journey. I am an author myself, but I want my experience on here to be pure and unobstructed by an ego-driven need to "do something" and "sell more books," so I use my married name and don't mention the books.
One thing I really like about this forum is that everyone keeps each other honest and calls BS on each other's repressed anger. I actually find that to be very helpful.
By the way, Tennis Tom, I tried to message you yesterday. I called Sarno's number in the city (from the practitioner reference information in your profile), but apparently he has now retired and is referring all new patients over to a Dr. Ira Raschburn at a new number. Maybe something to update in your signature, and I didn't know if you knew anything about that doctor. |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 01/19/2013 : 12:11:57
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pspa,
I completely relate to you on this, only for me my anger is due to caring for my other half who has young-onset parkinsons.
I've always been a laid-back person but the day-to-day coping and the prognosis wear me down. Now, I have to emphasise that me and my boy challenge this and he is doing well and is an angel to boot, but I can't shake the resentment that my life has taken this path. My mother was a carer and it destroyed her life so those thoughts bubble in the background too.
So yes, how to deal with this anger which I swallow down because I don't trust this mouthful of bees not to hurt anyone...
Balto, you are exquisite and you are right. Those times when these feelings fall away are beautiful, expansive and saturated with forgiveness.
I simply feel overwhelmed and a stranger in my own life. |
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pspa123
672 Posts |
Posted - 01/19/2013 : 12:35:49
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quote:
Originally posted by plum
pspa,
I completely relate to you on this, only for me my anger is due to caring for my other half who has young-onset parkinsons.
I've always been a laid-back person but the day-to-day coping and the prognosis wear me down. Now, I have to emphasise that me and my boy challenge this and he is doing well and is an angel to boot, but I can't shake the resentment that my life has taken this path. My mother was a carer and it destroyed her life so those thoughts bubble in the background too.
So yes, how to deal with this anger which I swallow down because I don't trust this mouthful of bees not to hurt anyone...
Balto, you are exquisite and you are right. Those times when these feelings fall away are beautiful, expansive and saturated with forgiveness.
I simply feel overwhelmed and a stranger in my own life.
I wish I had some words of wisdeom for you but all I can say is I know how difficult it can be to be a caregiver and to be defined by that. The anger is real and ongoing -- in some ways harder even than grieving over a loss -- and one can't just wave a cliche, even a well-intentioned one, at it and make it go away. |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 01/19/2013 : 12:54:18
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Thank you for those words. The understated understanding was enough and welcomed.
I agree, the ongoing nature is the challenge. I've endured some awful things but they come, and then they go, and you deal with them and the aftermath and in time life sweetens. This is natures way.
Yet the piecemeal chipping away at the heart amounts to emotional water-torture. In many ways I deeply, deeply value the amelioration of egoic dross from my psyche, but dear lord, the relentlessness is too much. Our nervous systems were not made for this. |
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tennis tom
USA
4746 Posts |
Posted - 01/19/2013 : 13:10:49
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quote:
[i]Originally posted by lmcox
...Tennis Tom, I tried to message you yesterday.
It may be my spamblocker, my IT guy must have put an internet chastity belt on it. Mention TMS in your message. Here's my cell, feel free to call, 415.264.4090, anyone for that matter.
Cheers,
tt/LSMFT |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 01/19/2013 : 13:18:37
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Chastity belt?
Hell, sign me up.
I just sent you mail but may attempt intergalactic text. |
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maccafan
130 Posts |
Posted - 01/19/2013 : 13:22:53
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Plum,
Are there any local support groups where you are for people who are dealing with similar situations? A place where you could vent once in a while with others who understand? You are very good with words and I would think with people too so if there isn't one you could even start a support group yourself.
For 4 1/2 years I was with a guy who had sustained a closed head injury due to a motorcycle accident. He had paralysis on his right side and other problems. I took care of him including taking him to all his doctor visits, my house and yard and worked full time. He had low impulse control and became so violent that I had to call it all off. I had tried my best. During this time is when my chronic back pain began.
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pspa123
672 Posts |
Posted - 01/19/2013 : 13:56:24
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quote:
Originally posted by plum
Thank you for those words. The understated understanding was enough and welcomed.
I agree, the ongoing nature is the challenge. I've endured some awful things but they come, and then they go, and you deal with them and the aftermath and in time life sweetens. This is natures way.
Yet the piecemeal chipping away at the heart amounts to emotional water-torture. In many ways I deeply, deeply value the amelioration of egoic dross from my psyche, but dear lord, the relentlessness is too much. Our nervous systems were not made for this.
Yes, when one has a loss one grieves and eventually one heals, this is human nature, but when it's 24/7/365 one cannot grieve because there is no space to do so. It's reexperiencing the same trauma every day. One finds ways to adjust, of course, but at a price. |
Edited by - pspa123 on 01/19/2013 13:58:18 |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 01/19/2013 : 14:20:01
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Maccafan,
I truly appreciate your response. I felt that my invisible (silent) scream was seen, heard, known, and I cried and that is beautiful.
I understand those whispers of caring, those things we would never, could never tell another soul...the darker side of looking after another. The injuries, the illness describe a circle of **** but fail to contain it.
I did go to a meeting, albeit focused on the cared-for, and the level of victimhood scared me off. I would love an arena of respite though and you qualify thoughts I've had in this vein. Time I dusted off my dancing shoes, perhaps.
I am tempted to ask you what happened after but am reluctant to push a wound. Walking away is a temptation I will own.
Finally, thank you so much for your kindness and warm words. They make a difference.
With a big hug x |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 01/19/2013 : 14:25:24
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pspa,
I cast a broken yet twinkling amen to that. Here's to who we really are, away from this horseradish. |
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pspa123
672 Posts |
Posted - 01/19/2013 : 17:35:48
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| plum, after all the years, I'm not sure who I really am any more -- but I hear ya |
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I COME WITH LOVE!!!!!!
