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Dexy
Canada
15 Posts |
 Posted - 12/06/2015 : 15:14:39
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Hello there!
I postedback in October of 2013 with regards to having TMS symptoms in my SI joint.
I am a firm believer in TMS and have read Sarno, SteveO, Monte Huefle (completed his Master Practice). I have also completed Dr. Schubiner's Structured Program.
I have had success in "ignoring" the pain (while also allowing it to be, not fighting it, leaning into it, etc.) and even completed a triathlon in August 2014.
However, I have never been able to completely rid myself of TMS symptoms. My pain is often in my hips, and my left buttock. It's not intense or unbearable in terms of actual pain, but the emotional pain that it causes IS often unbearable, or I react to it in such a way as to create intense mental anguish for myself.
I just feel very frustrated with not having dealt with this issue that I have been working valiantly on for a few years now. I do know not to place a timeline on things, to work on thinking psychological and to become BOAF (balanced, open, accepting, and flexible--thanks, Monte!), and I have done these things, but it's hard to not wonder how long it will take or if it will ever happen (symptom relief).
So, while I have not gotten complete symptom relief, I have had really good days, and I have made a ton of progress in my personal life as a result (healing from an eating disorder, violent temper, healing relationships with my mother and father that were previously restrained and estranged), opened myself up to friendship and love, began a meditation and yoga practice, and all of these things I have done as a by-product of TMS and everything I have learned along the way. For that, I am very grateful).
So, why am I back to posting here?
Well, I'm struggling. Duh! I guess I wouldn't be posting here unless I were, although I would love to be writing my success story.
Here's where I'm stuck---> I am six months post-partum with a cute new bouncing baby boy, and I also have a 3 year old son. I have a strong history of bouts of depression and anxiety, and both sides of my family have a strong history of post-partum depression (my aunt was even hospitalized ).
After MUCH reticence, I decided to start an SNRI (Effexor). I say reticence because I am such a believer in mind-body medicine and I also am highly cynical when it comes to medicine as I feel that it's another way of covering up symptoms; thereby not allowing one to get at the root issue. Nonetheless, I was having intense insomnia and struggling a lot, so I decided to give it a try.
In the meantime, I found an article which spoke to the effect of SNRIs of physical pain and how these anti-depressants are often used in the treatment of chronic pain. So, I got excited, "This might be the final missing link!". I had a day of bliss, where I felt near complete symptom relief, if not complete symptom relief, and I felt like I was on the right track. Then...all of my symptoms are back with a vengeance.
Actually, I can't say they are any worse, but they feel worse because I am so focused on them, and so focused on the SYMPTOMS GOING AWAY SO I CAN FEEL BETTER! Someone please talk some sense into me....
I know that I am engaged in faulty thinking and this line of thought is only increasing the TMS symptoms, yet I can't seem to get out of the negative loop, wondering why after 3 years since having discovered TMS, I am still dealing with this and allowing it to impact my mood and life to such an extent.
I do know I have a history of allowing whatever the "issue du jour" may be to impact my life to the point of obsessing over it, and believing "once this happens...I get married, get pregnant, am rid of my pain, etc. etc. etc.", THEN, I will be happy! Really!" It's like there is always something standing in my way, some issue that my mind focuses on.
Yet, with all of this knowledge and a great deal of self-awareness, I still seem unable to "unlock the door" and find freedom, to feel happy, to feel at peace, to feel like I can trust my body. I find I am very often terrified each day of how my pain will be and how I will react as a result (a bad pain day more often than not equals a bad day, overall. I truly feel controlled by my pain right now, again).
I am so grateful for all of you and all of the posts on here that I have been filtering through again, as I have gained a lot of hope and strength just by refreshing my memory.
How do you stay the course and have faith after a long period of time sticking with it, yet not achieving long-lasting symptom relief?
I am open and so very, very grateful for any suggestions, thoughts, responses, insights, or just hellos!
In gratitude,
Jaclyn
7 months post partum, "diagnosed" with SI joint pain/pelvic laxity which began over a year ago. Normal xray. Not helped by physio, chiro, belts, orthotics, massage, or rest. |
Edited by - Dexy on 12/06/2015 15:22:23 |
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Ace1
USA
1040 Posts |
Posted - 12/06/2015 : 16:50:41
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| Have you read my keys to healing. Try them and see if you understand them. Remember it is not just about accepting the pain, although that is a necessary part of healing. |
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filipe
Portugal
280 Posts |
Posted - 12/07/2015 : 03:56:24
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quote:
Originally posted by Ace1
Have you read my keys to healing. Try them and see if you understand them. Remember it is not just about accepting the pain, although that is a necessary part of healing.
Just think about this: TMS, as well as other equivalents, such as CANCER, wants you to be obsessed about it... They want your focus on it...so what should one do? |
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Ace1
USA
1040 Posts |
Posted - 12/07/2015 : 10:31:59
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| The focus or obsession is increased when your nerves are strained. Therefore, if you see what is straining your nerves or how you are conditioned and try to relax your nerves in regards to the issue, the focus will automatically fade. You have to be very diligent with this process however or you will fail. The treatment of tms is a process of YEARS. |
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tennis tom
USA
4746 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2015 : 07:16:02
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quote:
Originally posted by Ace1
... if you see what is straining your nerves...
I would add to that ...if you see WHO is straining your nerves..
G'luck,
tt/lsmft
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Dexy
Canada
15 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2015 : 13:31:46
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Thank you for responding! I appreciate the feedback.
Ace--I did go back and re-read your steps to success, thanks for the reminder. I recall that those really resonated with me back in 2013 when I first discovered TMS/this forum as well.
Tennis Tom--I've always loved your approach and words of wisdom that are peppered throughout this forum as well. Thanks!
Fillipe--I'm no sure if I would go so far as to say we control cancer, maybe it's a subconscious TMS process, but that's not something I'm needing to tackle at this point in time for the purpose's of my own healing. I have an open mind, however, so thanks for putting that out there for consideration.
All--
Since posting a few days ago and re-reading many helpful posts on this forum and watching some clips on YouTube (Alan Gordon, Sarno interviews, Forrest, and the like), I am feeling very positive once again. I can't thank you enough!
I KNOW this is TMS/PPD 100%. I know it. I have much evidence that support this (many days pain-free, being able to engage in any activity that I please without increase in pain, from running, to hiking, to backcountry skiing, to cross country skiing, to cycling, to swimming, to intense yoga, to walking...in short, I am able to do anything I please without having actually 'hurt' myself...I've just had to live with an annoying pain which is sometimes all but gone and sometimes very present, depending on how much I am letting it affect me).
I have had the best few days in awhile with regards to pain-level as well. Merci!!! Muchas grassy-ass! I am not symptom-free, but what has been absolutely KEY for me in the past few days, when I find myself in auto-conditioned mode, either in mind or thoughts, is repeating to myself something the incomparable BALTO said in one of his many posts (I am paraphrasing here):
I no longer cared whether my pain went away or not. I knew it was TMS and it was totally harmful. Once I stopped genuinely caring whether the pain stuck around or went away, it left.
Here's to practicing not caring whether my pain is there or not, not letting it run my life or make my decisions, and not giving it a timeline. I also really liked someone on the forum who likenened these mindbody syndromes to having a tension headache or upset stomach--so I may always have a tendency towards these bodily aches and pains and I may have to deal with this particular hip/buttock pain for an indefinite amount of time...it's really not a big deal when I do NOT FEAR IT and DO NOT CARE WHEN OR IF IT GOES AWAY! My happiness increases, my fear melts away and I can feel the molecules of emotion shifting everything around in my mindbody.
YES!
7 months post partum, "diagnosed" with SI joint pain/pelvic laxity which began over a year ago. Normal xray. Not helped by physio, chiro, belts, orthotics, massage, or rest. |
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filipe
Portugal
280 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2015 : 16:48:47
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That's the spirit Dexy :)
Keep in mind one thing. The purpose of TMS is to distract us. What better distraction than cancer?
I was very lucky because Pain come first. There are others that have to face more serious distractions... But in the end, they are all distractions... Our mind want to keep us busy, and worried... |
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Dexy
Canada
15 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2015 : 20:36:07
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Filipe--from my understanding (and I am not God and there may be much to learn in the future), TMS/PPD pains are benign and will not cause further deterioration or death. Cancer, while it may indeed be caused at least partially due to psychological/stress-related factors, can indeed cause structural damage and death.
7 months post partum, "diagnosed" with SI joint pain/pelvic laxity which began over a year ago. Normal xray. Not helped by physio, chiro, belts, orthotics, massage, or rest. |
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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2015 : 21:30:11
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Hi Dexy,just saying hello,
For unfortunate reasons Filipe is a Cancer addict, and finds it necessary to convert everybody to his beliefs. To date he has not answered any of my questions regarding this subject. The word “Cancer” to him seems to be a massive distraction. Filipe, I hope your wife is doing as well as mine is, dealing with surgery should be making you much closer.
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
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filipe
Portugal
280 Posts |
Posted - 12/10/2015 : 05:47:53
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"Filipe--from my understanding (and I am not God and there may be much to learn in the future), TMS/PPD pains are benign and will not cause further deterioration or death. "
Actually that's wrong Dexy.
Do you want to see real and structural damage of chronic pain/TMS? And what pain might do to the body?
Just watch this:
http://www.amputee-coalition.org/inmotion/sep_oct_04/rsd.html
If this is not structural, what is it?
Unless you think RSD/TMS/Pain is a disease such as cancer.
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Edited by - filipe on 12/10/2015 05:48:49 |
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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
Posted - 12/10/2015 : 12:32:18
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Filipe,
I think Dexy explained it very well, but you took one sentence out of context. For the purpose of TMS and this website, we have to believe that our pains are benign and harmless. Let me rewrite her sentence that you omitted for clarification.
Cancer or “RSD”, while it may indeed be caused at least partially due to psychological/stress-related factors, can indeed cause structural damage and death.
Reading your link RSD fits in this sentence very well, as many other syndromes’ would.
So her belief is “right for her” but “wrong for you”. Do you know what the word acceptance means?
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
Edited by - andy64tms on 12/10/2015 13:13:24 |
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Dexy
Canada
15 Posts |
Posted - 12/10/2015 : 14:33:25
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Thanks for the clarification, Andy.
Filipe, if that works for you, great!
I am feeling better every day. I feel like I can do anything, as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders! I accept the TMS diagnosis 100% fully, I have zero doubt (I still had an inkling of doubt back in 2013 and in the following years). My symptoms are nearly gone and the best part is, I don't really care if they are there are not! They don't bug me!
7 months post partum, "diagnosed" with SI joint pain/pelvic laxity which began over a year ago. Normal xray. Not helped by physio, chiro, belts, orthotics, massage, or rest. |
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filipe
Portugal
280 Posts |
Posted - 12/10/2015 : 15:43:50
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quote:
Originally posted by Dexy
Filipe, if that works for you, great!
I don't mean to disturb you with those images, I just want people to know is that Pain also cause structural damage, and visible damage, if you insist on taking the wrong approach, and not the Sarno approach. It is benign if you adress it properly. That's what I mean...
Like psoriasis. You can also see that damage on the skyn. psoriasis is TMS, so how can one doubt that cancer is TMS? Your mind can damage your body
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Dexy
Canada
15 Posts |
Posted - 12/10/2015 : 20:07:18
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Filipe--I actually didn't watch that link purposefully because I didn't want to discourage myself. However, your comments have very minutely discouraged me and made me think for a second, "Oh no! So my TMS might have in fact permanently damaged me on a structural level...so my pain IS real, maybe.." Ie the TMS doubt but I am going to rely on the genius of Dr. Sarno, Dr. Schubiner and many others and continue doing what is working for me and has worked for so many others.
I don't think some of your posts are all that helpful when you make those kinds of statements. Just my two cents.
7 months post partum, "diagnosed" with SI joint pain/pelvic laxity which began over a year ago. Normal xray. Not helped by physio, chiro, belts, orthotics, massage, or rest. |
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filipe
Portugal
280 Posts |
Posted - 12/11/2015 : 01:39:31
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Sorry that you think that way about me :( You should face your fears. You fear your pain, that's wrong... I also fear my pain for years. That's why I kept having relapses.
It was fear that put people on those situations (above) of no return. But those are extreme situations, of what fear can do. And that's when you might get permanent damage. Otherwise damage is completely reversible. That's why I say you can cure your cancer, you can cure the damage that was made, right? I'm very positive :)
Anyway, I din't mean to disturbe you, or disencourage you. Quite the opposite.
You're on the right path :)
Good luck :)
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Edited by - filipe on 12/11/2015 03:32:38 |
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Dexy
Canada
15 Posts |
Posted - 12/11/2015 : 11:53:35
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Thanks, Filipe. I appreciate all points of view, and thank you for clarifying your thoughts a little. I am not discouraged. You are free to say what you wish and I know that my job is to take what I find helpful and leave the rest (although that may be helpful for you and for others, so that is great:)
7 months post partum, "diagnosed" with SI joint pain/pelvic laxity which began over a year ago. Normal xray. Not helped by physio, chiro, belts, orthotics, massage, or rest. |
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filipe
Portugal
280 Posts |
Posted - 12/11/2015 : 15:12:14
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I'm glad you understand Dexy. Thank you for your reply :) I just want to help you.
Don't be scared of your pain. Our body is always changing. There is nothing permanent. You control your health, you control your body. That is the most important thing you have to tell yourself.
That was what my pain and Sarno Taught me :) |
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TMS'er since 2012
