| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| wrldtrv |
Posted - 04/05/2007 : 22:36:13
It has been a hellish week. I mentioned on another thread that some of the neuro-like symptoms that I had last year and also 4 yrs before that, seem to have returned. Things like leg/buttock stiffness, the jitters, a perception of weakness in the legs, achy feeling in armpit and down arm to hand. These are not all present at the same time; they seem to vary during the day, usually much better at night.
The last two episodes; last year and 4 yrs before that, I thought I had MS and had all the possible tests (incl MRI's)for that and other neuro stuff without finding anything. Eventually, the symptoms faded away and I was back to normal. But the fact that this is the third time in 6 yrs has me worried. I've been trying to treat it as TMS, but each time a symptom is particularly strong, I doubt. This is kind of a catch-22. I've gone the conventional medical route--twice--to rule out anything serious. I have been working the TMS route this time. The problem persists. What am I missing?
I can see where my brain might have created these symptoms given the extraordinary pressures I've been under lately. Add to that, I have strong hypochondriacal tendencies. Just in the past several months preceding these new symptoms, were back pain for a few months (gone the day the neuro symptoms arrived!), a mysterious bout of stomach pain that went on for almost a week (I imagined ulcer or stomach cancer), mysterious neck pain that came out of nowhere and disappeared as suddenly, shoulder pain that got progressively worse for several months until I broke down and made an appt for PT, whereby it immediately got 80% better. Foot pain, teeth pain, and on and on. There is rarely a week without something. Most of these are only nuisances, but it is very easy for me to build a seemingly minor problem into a catastropic one.
Here's my dilemma: I don't know whether it is better to disengage from the current symptoms (easier said than done) or take a more active approach. In order to do the TMS work, eg journaling, it is necessary to spend a lot of time thinking about it, becoming obsessed with it. Sometimes I feel that is even worse.
I spend a lot of time trying to rationalize why I can't have anything serious. I go down the laundry list in my mind (all the tests over a several yr period, etc) why it is unlikely I have MS. I feel better for about 5 minutes until the next negative thought rudely intervenes (yea, but maybe they forgot to check...). It's a vicious cycle.
I spend lots of time writing these arguments out. I try all kinds of reasoning with the same results; momentary relief followed by feeling worse when I find something that contradicts the earlier reasoning. This literally is a never ending game.
It's exactly the same if I go to a doctor. When they don't find anything, which is usually the case, I feel better followed by feeling worse. This is why I made a point of staying away from docs for 18 months now, as well as researching symptoms on the internet. Progress. And this TMS board has been very valuable.
To sum up a maybe too-long post (sorry, I get my thoughts out by writing them down), two questions: First, do I back away (disengage--tactical withdrawal) or confront it head on and risk feeling even worse or getting discouraged? Second, how can I make myself really believe that my current symptoms are not sign of disease, but of TMS? Reasoning doesn't seem to work; in fact, in my attempts to reason away disease, it reinforces it in my mind (the idea of, what we resist we get).
On a related note. I called the psychiatrist I saw last year for advice. He knows my situation and even conferred with the neurologist who did all those tests last time. He said, definitely don't go back for more tests. I agree, but I'm afraid if these symptoms worsen I will feel desperate for that assurance (for the 3rd time!).
Any input is much appreciated!
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| 20 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| wrldtrv |
Posted - 04/28/2007 : 23:45:09
Well, this was the quickest disappearance of those (neuro) symptoms yet. And yes, I am grateful to this board and the helpful input of the members on it.
As for how I will deal with symptoms the next time, I'm working on it. |
| art |
Posted - 04/28/2007 : 20:11:23
quote:
How is this possible? One week ago I was in a hellish state because I had all those neuro symptoms; jittery, leg-butt tightness, pain and weakness leg/shoulder/arm, fatigue, waking early, extremely anxious and depressed. Now, a week later, I am ABSOLUTELY back to normal! If that isn't psychogenic, I don't know what is.
The important question going forward is, how are you going to deal with this kind of thing the next time.... |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 04/28/2007 : 08:43:46
quote:
Originally posted by wrldtrv
How is this possible? One week ago I was in a hellish state because I had all those neuro symptoms; jittery, leg-butt tightness, pain and weakness leg/shoulder/arm, fatigue, waking early, extremely anxious and depressed. Now, a week later, I am ABSOLUTELY back to normal! If that isn't psychogenic, I don't know what is.
Maybe because you got five pages of TMS advice and attention here at the TMS board, and your very welcome.
some of my favorite excerpts from 'TDM' : http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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| wharrison |
Posted - 04/28/2007 : 05:51:50
I am picking up on this obsessive worry concept. I read a book recently on worry by E Hollowell that I felt relates to TMS.
In a broad brush stroke, he believes that worriers are very active and probably very imaginative thinkers who need something for their mind to "chew on". If the worrier is engaged or obsessed in a project, then the tremendous amount of thinking/analyzing that powers the obsessive worry can be used to help solve problems in a positive way. However, if there is nothing positive for the worrier to use his mental energy and they begin to fearfully think of catastrophies. The very active imagination becomes their worst enemy and the same power that helped them achieve the great project pulls them down.
So what is the answer? Slow down our thoughts maybe? Make sure we are always engaged in positive work?
Not sure myself, I am still reflecting on this, but I think I am on to something personally. |
| wrldtrv |
Posted - 04/19/2007 : 23:35:27
How is this possible? One week ago I was in a hellish state because I had all those neuro symptoms; jittery, leg-butt tightness, pain and weakness leg/shoulder/arm, fatigue, waking early, extremely anxious and depressed. Now, a week later, I am ABSOLUTELY back to normal! If that isn't psychogenic, I don't know what is. |
| Curiosity18 |
Posted - 04/17/2007 : 00:22:51
wrldtry,
That is great news! Glad you're feeling better this week. You're obviously on the right track. In the past I have had similar "neuro" symptoms as yours that lasted on and off for 10 years. They completely went away with TMS work (not journaling, though). The symptom imperative, however later replaced them with bladder symptoms (pain/urgency). I am finally doing depth journaling, which I'm hopeful will help resolve these symptoms as well. It has also been a challenge for me to not attribute the symptoms to a physical/disease process.
Take care,
Curiosity |
| wrldtrv |
Posted - 04/16/2007 : 23:47:48
I'm feeling much better (mentally and physically) than last week at this time. I feel pretty much back to normal, thank God!
Got some good news today. The PSA test that I had been dreading came back. It hadn't budged at all since the last time, which was 18 months ago. It was, then and now, just a hair over the normal range. I think I'll put off the next test for at least a couple of years. |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 04/14/2007 : 07:56:42
Can Dave ban the word "pain" from this message board? Much like he bans the word F-k. I wish for the day that both words will never again be used on this board.
*************
Sarno-ize it!
************* |
| art |
Posted - 04/14/2007 : 06:25:36
quote:
You're probably right, Art. I'm making some progress, but am still in the physical disease mode. As for framing this as a challenge, believe me, I'd love to do that. I'm very competitive. The trick is to have the confidence that it is indeed psychological, not physical and therefore changeable
.
But that's the challenge...If you had the confidence, it wouldn't be much of a test, would it?
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| wrldtrv |
Posted - 04/13/2007 : 22:02:26
You're probably right, Art. I'm making some progress, but am still in the physical disease mode. As for framing this as a challenge, believe me, I'd love to do that. I'm very competitive. The trick is to have the confidence that it is indeed psychological, not physical and therefore changeable.
I had my regularly scheduled physical today. I was proud of myself for refraining from seeing docs at all for 18 months. Anyway, just to cover all bases I told the doc about my hamstring/butt problem. He checked arterial flow. Fine. Checked the computer for all the neuro tests I had done in the past. Fine. He could think of no reason why there would be a problem, but said he would be happy to send me to PT if I wanted. I declined.
At first, I felt pretty good, then, later in the day and now, my legs feel very fatigued, jello-like. A test? Maybe the brain challenging another benign physical examination.
Penny, good job on the mental purge that left you feeling better today, eg bp and headache. I tried an exercise from the Brady book this morning that brought up some emotional (anger) stuff from childhood. I was actually surprised that those things bothered me; I thought I was over them. Not so! |
| Penny |
Posted - 04/13/2007 : 07:48:06
I try really hard not to talk about my symptoms or all the crap I went thru, as it makes me feel it in my body again. The majority of what I went thru happened before I found this wonderful place.
I think you've hit the nail on the head!!!! You have to completely ignore the Sx and press thru and tell your brain you know what it is up to! This is retraining your brain, this is not easy, but it can happen in a split decision. B/c our culture is so focused on disease process and cures, we don't often talk about the innate ability for our own bodies to undo the mess or pain that it led us to. I am of the belief that if our body learned to put us in pain, it can learn to get us out ... we are physically THAT remarkable, but we have to prove to our bodies that our conscious is smarter and more assertive than our subc.
This week I had my bp go up, really high and it was definitely TMS. Last night I had a mental purge and excepted and acknowledged a lot of the reasons I ended up back in TMS mode. I even forgave my brain for doing this to me, and see it as a valuable lesson that TMS sensitive peole may never live completely unchallenged, even after we develop the understanding of how TMS works. My BP is normal today and my headache is GONE completely!!!!!
quote:
Originally posted by wrldtrv
Thanks for your kind and valuable words, Beth and Penny. I really appreciate it. Penny, I'll have to look over your old posts to read your "MS/Lupus" fears--or was that before you found the TMS board? Anyway, I would be interested in hearing about it.
>|< Penny
Non illigitamus carborundum. |
| art |
Posted - 04/13/2007 : 07:03:37
HOpe you don't mind wrld, but I sense nothing's really changed yet. You've got many of the insights, but I don't see the necessary will...
One thing that's helped me, is simply to look at this stuff as a personal challenge, in the same way I'd approach a competetive run....So the question becomes: Can I do this thing? Do I have the stuff, the inner and outer strength?
I've used that to very good effect... |
| wrldtrv |
Posted - 04/12/2007 : 23:17:49
Thanks for your kind and valuable words, Beth and Penny. I really appreciate it. Penny, I'll have to look over your old posts to read your "MS/Lupus" fears--or was that before you found the TMS board? Anyway, I would be interested in hearing about it.
One thing DR Ziggles wrote yesterday that struck me, was that I am so body-based that it distracts me from thinking psychologically. Every time I start to put two and two together to see connections between emotions and physical symptoms, another part of me says, "I don't believe it; these symptoms have GOT to mean there is something terribly wrong with me!" I am beginning to see that, really, I will probably never be free of fear unless I can trust enough to let down my guard regarding symptoms to do the psychological work.
Thanks again. |
| Penny |
Posted - 04/12/2007 : 16:04:53
Wrldtrv,
We seem to be on similar planes, Sweetie! I went thru the same rollercoaster ride as you on a MS and Lupus track, last year. They tested me for everything b/c I was convinced I had SOMETHING. I DID have something, TMS! Thank God I found this board and read all the books and at least believe.
This week has been a doozy and I'm terrified of sliding down the same deep well I fell down last year! (I've even had a few gremlins that make me think about the diseases again, but I really believe that's all they are ... just gremlins, not my personal truth.) That's why I've not gone to the doctor yet. (See my recent post on high blood pressure.) Yes, stress ... stress. stress!!!!! I had a miscarriage a couple months ago. Last year my older DD started kindergarten, and in just 3 mos my youngest will start kindergarten too, and I'm so afraid that I'll break down again like last year... AND I've been in therapy for over 6 months. This week I've had a lot going on in my work world, but I'm gonna be fine. Just posting on this board and sharing with everyone has helped my headache lessen (which means my BP is coming down!)
We can and WILL get thru this. It's not fair that we have to struggle and worry about our helath so much, but this will pass and we will be stronger and wiser for it.
Healthy hugs of support to you,
>|< Penny
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| h2oskier25 |
Posted - 04/12/2007 : 15:44:22
You're on Art! It's a date!
Beth |
| art |
Posted - 04/12/2007 : 10:34:01
Beth,
We might be headed for Key West next year, but not written in stone yet...I'd love to get together if possible...I'll give you a poker lesson, you can give me a water skiing lesson!!
A. |
| h2oskier25 |
Posted - 04/12/2007 : 08:24:25
Thanks, Art.
Next time you are down in Venice, we MUST get together. I met a TMS Board LEGEND down here in Jan, and it was really great.
Cheers,
Beth |
| art |
Posted - 04/12/2007 : 08:19:46
Beth, this is all very well said.. |
| h2oskier25 |
Posted - 04/12/2007 : 08:08:26
quote:
Originally posted by wrldtrv
Worry begets worry.
Boy you said it. When I saw the movie the Secret, and they kept saying thoughts become things, I realized that I had to stop worrying because every worry was in danger of manifestation. I sure didn't want anything that I was worrying about to manifest itself.
Took a little practice, I bought the book "How to stop worrying and start living" by Dale Carnegie, and I held this thought in my head as often as I could:
It's not worth living if the Joy doesn't outweigh the fear, so let me concentrate RIGHT NOW on the joy of my life.
I've never forgotten the words of Jimmy Buffet. "If it doesn't work out they'll never be any doubt that the pleasure was worth all the pain." The only way I can live that, is to banish fear from my life, and trust in the universe to "work it all out".
Like I said, takes a little practice, but my fear and worry level has been reduced at least 10 fold.
Hope this helps,
Beth |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 04/11/2007 : 23:13:59
Art,
You must not have read my most recent post about learning about oneself and taking a break from the forum...If you read that, you wouldn't have had to suggest I take a look at myself, for example. I am already doing that, big time..I do sometimes take things personally, how many times would you like me to admit and repeat that? You seem to have this habit of driving things home, when the point has already been made clearly and accepted..Perhaps you might take a look at that tendency in yourself..I see it as a bit on the obsessive side behaviorally..
Sometimes, as in the case where you called me various names from selfish to narcisistic, it was meant to be very personal..I have tried to fully let that go, but because you and I never really got 'back on track' as friends, it has lingered in me..It is also part of the reason I am leaving the forum for now, as silly as that might sound to you or to a few others...I am sure I will fully release it soon, that is my intention..I have many wonderful insights and supportive exchanges with people on here to remember and carry with me...
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