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sagelady
USA
61 Posts |
 Posted - 03/27/2008 : 04:45:11
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I know these are common traits in folks with TMS. My question is: how does one go about changing these traits? Or is it even possible to change these traits?
Here is the perfect example of these traits at work.
Yesterday I posted re; the cost of Dr. Schubiners on line workshop. I thought these classes were free. ( I didn't have to pay to join) But they may be because I attended his program in Southfield.
Now the perfectionist in me is concerned I was wrong. And the people pleaser is concerned those on this site will be mad at me. And this bothers me, as I find those on this site so helpful, " family" if you will. So of course all the way to work I "ruminated" on this. The perfect example of the above mentioned personality traits.
How do you stop this kind of anxdiety/worry about how others percieve you? Is it even possible to change this way of thinking.
Sage |
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pan
United Kingdom
173 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2008 : 05:32:08
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quote:
Originally posted by sagelady
I know these are common traits in folks with TMS. My question is: how does one go about changing these traits? Or is it even possible to change these traits?
Here is the perfect example of these traits at work.
Yesterday I posted re; the cost of Dr. Schubiners on line workshop. I thought these classes were free. ( I didn't have to pay to join) But they may be because I attended his program in Southfield.
Now the perfectionist in me is concerned I was wrong. And the people pleaser is concerned those on this site will be mad at me. And this bothers me, as I find those on this site so helpful, " family" if you will. So of course all the way to work I "ruminated" on this. The perfect example of the above mentioned personality traits.
How do you stop this kind of anxdiety/worry about how others percieve you? Is it even possible to change this way of thinking.
Sage
Hi Sage.....remember me
I did read A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle a while back but a lot of it went over my head. Have just started rereading it and it looks at a lot of issues like this that deal with how we falsely relate to our ego etc. You may find some information in that book that is useful to you. I am just looking into the pain-body concept and it is very enlightning. |
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2008 : 06:46:30
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Yes, they are changeable. It is behavior that can be unlearned. These traits usually have links to earlier life experiences.
I have found the program at www . thepathway . org invaluable. I was involved in it a year or two before my whole Dr. Sarno experience. You learn HOW to process emotions and rid yourself of trash from the past.
Perfectionism is common of course, and people pleasing is one of the main habits named as an "external solution" in this program. But we can get to a point where we realize I HAVE BE PLEASED WITH MYSELF. No one’s validation can do this for us. It is a very helpful program. You can buy the book called The Pathway pretty cheap on amazon.com. You can also poke around the website at public areas to get an idea of what it's all about--retraining the neural networks in the brain. It has changed my life and had made my recovery from TMS much easier since I followed a process in my journaling that I learned through the Pathway's program. I believe some of my posts have touched on the process--what to ask and how to start with anger. . . fear. . .
I have found that Louise Hay's books and cds are very helpful as well.
Best wishes,
Lori
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Edited by - mizlorinj on 03/27/2008 07:14:39 |
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sagelady
USA
61 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2008 : 08:29:42
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Hi Pan... of couse I remember you, welcome. Alot of great insightful people here. My friend is reading " a new earth" , I'm next. I'm reading "pain free for life" Dr.Scott Brady right now.
Lori... glad to know these are modifyable traits . I would like to work on that.Also the pathway.org sounds very interesting. I will check it out.
Glad to hear from you both, hope all is well. And Pan stick around, your on the right track.
Sage |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2008 : 12:02:44
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Heh, join the club! I just apologized to pan for possibly being presumptuous in a response, all the while thinking "I am doing that thing where I get worried I offended someone and try to make them happy!"
I agree the traits are changeable but it's a challenge and for me it has definitely involved finding and understanding where the traits come from in my past, what I am feeling and doing when I enact them, what needs they serve, and all that. Some of it is about fixing my boundaries and realizing that I need to take care of myself and not submerge in what other people want. This is related to understanding my inner child better and what I need and feel. It's all kind of interconnected.
Different things seem to work for everyone in figuring this stuff out. In that sense it's a more individual journey than TMS work. I liked Alice Miller & John Bradshaw's books, also The Child Within by Charles Whitfield, and lots of therapy and self-reflection. I have not gotten into Eckhart Tolle or Byron Katie at all but those are recommended by others.
Glad you found my other reply helpful. :)
--
It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
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southpaw
Canada
29 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2008 : 14:48:00
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Didn't Sarno say it wasn't nessesary to change your personality, just be aware of how it might be affecting the pain syndrom.
People pleasing isn't a bad quality in a person, the world wouldn't be a better place if we all walked around not caring what others thought of us or not caring about being kind and honest. What a bunch of self centred jerks we'd all be if we changed.
I think if you are aware of that personality trait and just don't over do it to the extreme, take time for yourself, you wouldn't have to change. Just my 2cents, trying to be helpful! |
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sagelady
USA
61 Posts |
Posted - 03/28/2008 : 06:55:46
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After reading everyone reply, one thing I found incommon in all. We have to put ourselves first. Set boundries as armchairlinguist pointed out. Southpaw mentioned and I agree, the world would be an awful place, if none of us were worried about others. I guess us peoplepleasers pay a high price PAIN, for being the caring ones. But if we learn to balance this trait, and not necessarily give it up, we would have the best of both. This is the tricky part. Putting ourselves first does not come naturally. I will monitor this as I make my choices in everyday circumstances. Learning to say "no" or "not right now", when placed in a position that others request something of me.
Thanks for all the input. What a great sounding board. I am getting better, slowly but surely. When I look back to even a month ago, symptoms I have had for 8 months are starting to lessen. Some have even gone away. I need to focus on this. Not what symptoms are left, but what ones are less or gone. The glass is half full, not half empty if you will.
Today, I will do my journaling, reading and homework. Then I'm going to get on with the day. Try to be alittle more physical, be kind to myself, and then reward myself for a good day I'll let you know how that works.
Sage |
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perfectionism and people pleasing
