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n/a
48 Posts |
 Posted - 08/16/2008 : 09:26:54
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My symptoms have been worse again this week after several weeks of slow improvement. I am having a lot of job-related stress. I am again struggling to understand what's so unconscious about what's going on. I know quite well that I am scared of not doing a good enough job at various things (perfectionism) and I am worried about the future.
Assume for a moment that I can't change the job situation I am in (this assumption is correct for various reasons I won't go into). Do you have any advice as to how to handle these things? Journaling only seems to get me so far. |
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 08/16/2008 : 13:22:18
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I'm not a journaler either. I'm no expert, but I think all we can do in these situations is change the way we think about things.
I've been working a lot on the concept that not everything is black and white, especially at work. A lot is in the gray and that's ok.
I'm completely hard on myself in every way and I think that if I'm not the best, or more accurately, if I haven't done things absolutely perfectly, then I'm no good at all. So, where's the gray? There's never been much for me...Have to get the A, have to have everything just-so, have to make everyone happy, etc.
In therapy, I'm beginning to see that as I take in situations and report them to my shrink, she's constantly saying to me "stick to reality," or "those are just your thoughts about what you did." And what struck me one day was the phrase "those are just your thoughts.
So even if they are fleeting and silent to the rest of the world, our criticisms of ourselves--I think they are what's the basis of fear. You know, I did this and it wasn't up to snuff and I HAVE to do better or do more next time. They are but onlys or what ifs playing on an internal tape. Background noise that when it starts to get audible or conscious we get the pain again. At least this happens to me. And even though I may think I understand what's going on now, after so much time with this TMS deal and in therapy, it's hard to control because if you do this, or rather have this internal noise, it's built in, it's your conditioning.
So when the pain's back--great--so now I have to go to work (at some point, when I'm done being mad about it...) and I go to what I've started calling my "inner baby:"
there, there, it's okay that you think you screwed up, no one else thinks you did...
Or, "there, there," I know you're fed up with the job, but look at it as a paycheck--you have a kid in college..."
Or, "there,"there," I know you feel freaked out this morning b/c of that new client, but remember how great you were last time...
Or "there, there," you can quit tomorrow if it's so bad, but your boss isn't in today anyway--whatever. Get through today...
My shrink has convinced me to take things one DAY at a time. And when I focus on TODAY, I do have less time to freak out about the future.
So sorry I'm so long-winded...working on brevity would seem to be my next project..
That's just my situation, not yours, but the point is that we are our own worst critics, and you are probably doing just fine. The stress comes from unproductive conditioned thinking, and so often we just can't help ourselves and then it's a big "oh, no! my back hurts! I can't go on! Listen to the background noise. I have such a hard time tuning into to the fact that mine is even there. I mean my son is going off to college next week and I think I'm okay and then I hear the background noise and it's not just sadness. This is my twisted thinking--I worry about if I did a good enough job raising him! He is a really great kid, too, smart and kind and funny, but it is so hard to let go. At least he's not a worrier--got his dad's genes on that, thankfully.
Anyway, think about it...Fear comes from thoughts too. The future is just a thought...hasn't happened yet. Focusing on today and giving ourselves a break, that's all we can do. |
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n/a
48 Posts |
Posted - 08/16/2008 : 14:20:58
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Thanks, winnieboo. I completely agree that that's exactly what I need to do, too, and that my problems come from fear and negative self-talk. I am rarely happy with my performance and tend to feel that I could have done better (I also happen to find myself in a very critical environment right now that unfortunately just reinforces some of those tendencies). Objectively speaking, I have some very impressive professional (and personal) achievements. But I always compare myself to perfection and think that I have to be Superman (or woman ;) ). And so of course, I always fall short.
There is also the fact that I find it hard to believe that if I stopped being afraid and self-critical, I would get anything done any more. I mean, maybe I would just go to the beach and stop caring! :) I doubt that's actually true, but sometimes it feels that way.
It's so so so hard to turn off the conditioning. My parents are very self-critical, too, and there was a lot of stress surrounding us while I was growing up. I don't think I was ever truly happy for any extended period of time past the age of five or six, mainly because I always felt very stressed by one thing or another. I might start phone therapy as I can't find someone specializing in TMS here in Chicago (I am already working with a life coach who recovered from IC etc). |
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Stress
