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2scoops

USA
386 Posts

Posted - 09/02/2005 :  12:01:59  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Get Those Emotions in Motion
Release Your Repressed Emotions



You can’t see them! You can’t touch them! But you sure can feel them! Unless of course you have them buried under layers and layers of “protection” -- whether those layers are physical as in layers of extra flesh, or emotional as in standoffish walls that proclaim to the people around you, "don't get too close".

Many of us have been holding back and storing unfelt emotions. What’s the purpose? Unfortunately, the reason behind suppressed emotions is self-defeating. Holding back from “feeling your feelings” is usually how we try to protect ourselves from being hurt. However, the resistance to feeling your emotions when they arise is what really causes pain.

Unfelt and unexpressed emotions manifest in many ways. They may be felt only on a “discomfort level”, as if something is wrong and you don’t know what it is. Sometimes it’s even hard to pinpoint what exactly is the cause of your dis-ease or dis-comfort. Maybe it’s a feeling of dissatisfaction with yourself, with your life, with others around you. Sometimes it’s a feeling of anger or disappointment that doesn’t seem to have a cause. Yet, if you stop and question yourself as to the cause of your confusion, the truth will come to the surface. There is always a cause for our feelings -- it's just that many times we have hidden it from ourselves as well as from others.

So the first question is to ask yourself is “What am I feeling?” The typical repressed answer is “I don’t know”. Just walk past that hurdle by asking another question: “What feelings am I not expressing?” If that still draws a blank, then ask yourself “If I knew what I was feeling, what would I say it is?” What is your answer? Ah! ha! Usually that will bring up some type of response... Is it sadness, anger, fear? What answer do you get to the question? It may be more than one thing... you may have many layers of levels of feelings associated with your present state of mind or moon.

Once you have uncovered the emotions that you’ve been keeping in storage or repressing, look at them. You don’t need to analyze and criticize. Don't judge yourself, blame yourself, or tell yourself that you "shouldn't" feel that way. Only look at them, and tell them (the feelings) and tell yourself that it is o.k. to feel this way. Then, let yourself feel your anger, your sadness, your fear. Really feel it! Go ahead and cry, or beat your pillow... whatever you feel to do (just don't hurt anyone).

The repressed emotions need to come out so they stop poisoning you and your life. An example of how repressed stuff still affects you: Imagine that you are allergic to something. So you push the "something" under the bed so you can't see it. Well, will that help any at all? Of course not -- you'll still be allergic, and even if you can't see the "something", your allergies will still be stimulated. The same goes with repressed emotions. Just because you have stuffed them "under the bed", doesn't mean they don't affect you. They do, and the solution to your problems can be identified even though you've hidden or buried or repressed the cause.

The body, especially once you have made the decision to heal yourself, will always seek to become healthy and whole. When energies are building up inside of you, somewhat like a volcano’s powerful gases, your body will do everything in its power to get rid of the poison. It is better for you, as well as for the people around you, when you clear and release your emotions without “dumping” on others. Those old feelings have nothing to do with people around you anyway. They are your stuff. It is surely better for you to release your pent-up emotions in this way than picking a scapegoat to bear the brunt of that energy, or repressing the emotions inside and creating physical problems for yourself.

Tell yourself often that it is o.k. and safe to be a feeling human being. Many times in our upbringing, we were told not to show our anger, not to show our sadness or fears. So consequently, we “behaved” and poisoned ourselves by repressing those reactions to our daily life.

Take time to be with yourself, especially when you feel slightly out of kilter, and talk to yourself (silently is fine). Ask yourself what it is that you’re not expressing, what you are not feeling... and then go into those feelings. Feel them. Experience them. Feeling them will free you to go on your way unburdened by the chains of emotion that were binding you to your past.

Don’t be afraid that you are unlocking the door of the dam and that you will be bowled over with a flood of emotions. It may feel like that at first, but as the pressure of unexpressed emotions releases, so will the pressure on your self be lessened, and you will feel lighter. You will not cry forever. The anger will not keep on exploding forever. The pain will not go on forever. Once you release the pressure, you can fully take off the cover and let it flow out gracefully.

drziggles

USA
292 Posts

Posted - 09/02/2005 :  16:33:31  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Thanks for that wonderful essay about repressed emotions. I might start giving it to some of my patients, to help them understand the concept better, and to help them to begin to explore them. I'm always surprised by how little insight some people have into their own psyches, and I think this primer has some great ideas.
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miehnesor

USA
430 Posts

Posted - 09/02/2005 :  17:05:21  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Some of this self exploration can be discovered by giving yourself different affirmations with words or phrases until something resonates and you feel something (sadness or anger). The resonance is the clue of where the repression and the split lie.

For instance- I just discovered an affirmation that I told myself(adult to inner child) that resonated- to my surprise. I told myself "you(we) are going to make it (as in survival)". When I told myself this it hit me and I felt the sadness. It was like I needed someone to say that years ago and I never heard it. The other interpretation (or parrallel interpretation) is that as a child I didn't think I was going to make it. Whatever the interpretation- it doesn't really matter. Just the discovery of the feeling matters.

So in my first individual therapy session that I had this week I brought it up and again could feel the sadness. I stopped to try and sink into the feeling and it did come up. I felt the hurt anger and the sadness.

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leegold

USA
66 Posts

Posted - 09/03/2005 :  09:40:27  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
i agree w/ miehnesor. i definitely get reactions to the affirmations that i need- then i know which ones to continue with. for me its almost always sadness. NOTHING has helped me to change more in the past and now than using affirmations- renewing the mind is the way to transformation, as all starts in the mind (even if you rob a liquor store, it started in your mind)

i have heard from some psychologists that anger is ALWAYS the secondary emotion- the primary is betrayal, sadness, fear, etc- and i've found this to be true; so when i get into sadness, its the base emotion, not the secondary. i know dr s has revised his thinking about the emotions causing tms- he doesnt just say its anger, but anger, sadness, hurt, etc

Lee
"A tranquil heart is life to the body, but passion is rottenness to the bones"
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Hilary

United Kingdom
191 Posts

Posted - 09/04/2005 :  13:54:51  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I would totally agree with this, miehnesor. In recent weeks the phrase that has really touched me deeply is saying to myself, "everything's going to be fine, everything is going to work out perfectly" in a really calming voice. This has made me feel deeply sad, as I realize how much this sort of reassuring tone was lacking in my life, and yet positive as I see how life can be changed by giving myself different messages.

It's also interesting that anger is a secondary emotion. I've often thought that the rage I feel is a result of feeling anxiety and fear. After all what small child wouldn't be enraged by continually being told that the world is a frightening, chaotic and frustrating place?

quote:
Originally posted by miehnesor

Some of this self exploration can be discovered by giving yourself different affirmations with words or phrases until something resonates and you feel something (sadness or anger). The resonance is the clue of where the repression and the split lie.

For instance- I just discovered an affirmation that I told myself(adult to inner child) that resonated- to my surprise. I told myself "you(we) are going to make it (as in survival)". When I told myself this it hit me and I felt the sadness. It was like I needed someone to say that years ago and I never heard it. The other interpretation (or parrallel interpretation) is that as a child I didn't think I was going to make it. Whatever the interpretation- it doesn't really matter. Just the discovery of the feeling matters.

So in my first individual therapy session that I had this week I brought it up and again could feel the sadness. I stopped to try and sink into the feeling and it did come up. I felt the hurt anger and the sadness.



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Suz

559 Posts

Posted - 09/04/2005 :  18:04:14  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
2scoops,

Fabulous post. I was just clearing out my closet at home and found some notes I had written from a Saro panel discussion last Winter. Two sentences I wrote really struck me. I remember that these were two comments one of the "cured" panelists said one should ask oneself.
"What am I not facing?" "What am I too scared to look at?"

This was at the root of my recovery from the pain. I did about 4 months of one on one recovery where the pschologist taught me to start feeling again - that it was okay to. I didn't have to be superhero any more and pretend everything was just fine. This allowed me to really cry and be very very sad. Then, I became brave enough to face the real root of my pain - my pending marriage - where I had been repressing so many doubts. I had feelings for years that this man was not right for me. I pushed them away over and over again and as my wedding got closer (it was supposed to be November 4th) - the pain in my back became unbearable. Finally, after my maid of honor forced me to talk about my anxiety - it all dawned on me.

These were the feelings I was repressing. My pain started 12 years ago before I married my first husband (who I knew was not right for me) - the pain continued through my whole marriage. I was about to do the same thing again.

Just thought I would share my experience. The back or sciatic pain has come back occasionally - but seems to go very quickly now. I am sure that it will come less and less now. All of this pain was from deeply repressed feelings - a great deal of it was fear based.

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miehnesor

USA
430 Posts

Posted - 09/04/2005 :  22:09:21  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
The validation helped me to feel again when I read your posts Hilary and Leegold. What seems to be coming up for me more and more now is the hurt. Hope it continues. Thx. It's nice to know that others have experienced similar things and that there is a place to share and to connect with feelings.

Suz- your story is quite incredible and you have really been through a lot but you've come out the other side a lot more healthy and connected. This should put you in a good position to find a more satisfying relationship in the future. It's probably the damage of childhood that pushed you to choose men that were not good for you. Bradshaw says that we unconsciously choose mates to resolve the problems of our childhood. I think he is onto something.
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Laura

USA
655 Posts

Posted - 09/04/2005 :  22:13:45  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Wow! What a great article. I just got back from driving my 16 year old daughter to meet up with some friends. She was crying and wouldn't discuss any of what was bothering her with myself or my husband. I felt so helpless, as I knew something was really upsetting her. She didn't want to be here, at home with us, but rather with her friends (so what else is new). It's a tough pill for me to swallow but I'm getting used to it more and more these days. So, I get in the car and I drive her to go hang out with her friends and over and over I ask her "What's bothering you?" I know there is a boy she likes and I had a feeling it was something he did so I kept asking over and over "Is it something Ethan did?" She kept telling me "No" and wouldn't tell me. Then, her friend calls and she starts crying and spilling everything to her friend, which made me all the sadder. It's so hard as a mother, being so close to your daughters and then finding yourself outside the loop. So, I drop her off and I fight back the tears all the way home. Then, my husband asks what happened and I tell him. I wanted to cry my eyes out and express to him my sadness over feeling like my only role in my daughters' lives is to chauffeur them, hand out money, etc. However, I didn't. I held it all in, as if I were a weak person to cry. Now, I come in the house and read this and it makes me kick myself for not letting the tears flow like I should have. I think I hold things in a great deal and that's probably the reason for 99% of my health problems.

Thank you for this article. It has just reminded me to get in touch with my emotions and that when I need to cry I should just do it and not worry what anyone thinks.

Laura
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Suz

559 Posts

Posted - 09/05/2005 :  07:56:48  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Laura - I think one can have a good cry about it any time. Sometimes it is not appropriate for me to cry (at work or in public) - I sort of reserve it for later in the evening when I am at home. It seems to be just as effective. My heart goes out to you with the separation you are feeling from your daughters. You sound like such a wonderful mother - I think you should be very proud of yourself.
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2scoops

USA
386 Posts

Posted - 09/26/2006 :  09:47:56  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
JUst running through some old posts and wanted to bump this up.
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HilaryN

United Kingdom
879 Posts

Posted - 09/26/2006 :  13:13:29  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Thanks for doing that, 2scoops - good article.

Hilary N
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Darko

Australia
387 Posts

Posted - 09/26/2006 :  17:33:02  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
What a great thread people! This is really good productive stuff, just to add to what 2scoops had to say. Some of you might have heard-read me blabing about "The Journey". Well it's very much on this topic. I went and saw a Journey therapist on Saturday and did a 3 hour session. I was stuffed at the end, but really went down and dug out all kinds of stuff. Some of these things I doubt I would have found myself. I thought it was really good to have it done the first time at least. I'll see how I go, I might go again yet. So, what about the results I hear you ask?? WELL, i have to say without a doubt it's been positive. I feel better inside, and the best part is my pain has eased a great deal. It's not gone completely, but it has been improving everynight. This could be another very useful tool to access those repressed emotions and purge them from your system.

Darko
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miehnesor

USA
430 Posts

Posted - 09/27/2006 :  12:19:26  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Re-reading this post makes me realize how far i've come in a year. The main thing for me is really feeling the rage as strongly as possible to counter the unconscious belief that letting it out would be life threatening. Perhaps it was then but it's not now. Great article 2scoops. Thx for reposting.
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Kimakim

17 Posts

Posted - 09/29/2006 :  08:37:01  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Laura

Wow! What a great article. I just got back from driving my 16 year old daughter to meet up with some friends. She was crying and wouldn't discuss any of what was bothering her with myself or my husband. I felt so helpless, as I knew something was really upsetting her. She didn't want to be here, at home with us, but rather with her friends (so what else is new). It's a tough pill for me to swallow but I'm getting used to it more and more these days. So, I get in the car and I drive her to go hang out with her friends and over and over I ask her "What's bothering you?" I know there is a boy she likes and I had a feeling it was something he did so I kept asking over and over "Is it something Ethan did?" She kept telling me "No" and wouldn't tell me. Then, her friend calls and she starts crying and spilling everything to her friend, which made me all the sadder. It's so hard as a mother, being so close to your daughters and then finding yourself outside the loop. So, I drop her off and I fight back the tears all the way home. Then, my husband asks what happened and I tell him. I wanted to cry my eyes out and express to him my sadness over feeling like my only role in my daughters' lives is to chauffeur them, hand out money, etc. However, I didn't. I held it all in, as if I were a weak person to cry. Now, I come in the house and read this and it makes me kick myself for not letting the tears flow like I should have. I think I hold things in a great deal and that's probably the reason for 99% of my health problems.

Thank you for this article. It has just reminded me to get in touch with my emotions and that when I need to cry I should just do it and not worry what anyone thinks.

Laura


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Kutto

Australia
3 Posts

Posted - 10/08/2006 :  05:42:43  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Hi,

This is my second post here. I did one several weeks ago entitled Back pain chest pressure and Counselling.

I have moved on a lot since my last post and I wanted to share with everyone why and how and refer you to a really excellent web site on understanding repressed emotions and how to start dealing with them. But before I give the address I want to give you some more background.

I wanted to contribute under this post because of my discovery two months ago (less than one week after my first post) of VERY old repressed emotions. Starting to release and work with these and other emotions has lead to huge improvements right throughout my life not just in regard to back pain.

I am 31 now and the emotions I have repressed I believe go back to least 3 -5 years old - quite possibly before my actual memory starts. The emotional memory goes all the way back...

I still have a very long way to go but firmly believe I am on the road to recovery and the improvements in my well being in the last two months have been remarkable including huge relief of back pain and no depression / OCD. I have also stopped taking anti depressants that I have been on for 10 years. I have tried to stop several times before and been back on really quickly and been really distressed soon after I stop taking them including relapses into OCD. I have found as I have stopped taking them my emotions have really intensified but I am, unlike before, in a position to process them properly.

I have suffered very greatly with OCD for the past ten years and my counsellor (not an OCD counsellor) once told me repressed emotions were the cause of 70-80% of mental illness. At the time I absolutely did not believe him. Now I do.

I discovered this web site several months ago - my counsellor (over 12 months ago) said he strongly believed I had repressed emotions. I really tried to believe this, the concept was new to me at the time, and find them but couldn't 'find' anything, not for months and months and I was really struggling to believe him.

I was doing some internet searches on repressed emotions and this was by far the best site I found - I was floundering at the time, very depressed and not knowing where I was going. Reading it really gave me insight into repressed emotions and how long it can take for repressed emotions to surface no matter how much you believe they are there or how much you want to release them. Description of the symptoms and reassurance that repressed emotions can take a very long time to surface really convinced me (correctly it turns out) that repressed emotions were in fact my primary health problem. This was in mid may this year.

About two months ago (mid august) I had an experience that really opened up my emotions. I mean they really bowled me over. I was in a bookshop browsing books on emtional neglect as a child and realised it was me. Without going through all the gory details I realised that I had huge issues with both my parents and that as I child I was very emotionally distressed and confused and emotionally starved in certain ways. I suddenly had huge emotional recollection of repressed sadness, waves and waves of powerful emotion that just rolled over me - for about two days... A dam wall really broke. It is important to say these feeling were not particularly distressing but extremely powerful and their release was hugely relieving but it was only the beginning.

On this day I was just in a bookshop going about my business - admittedly looking at books on emotional issues but I really had no idea - it just hit me all of a sudden.

There were no specific memories associated with these feelings at the time - just a feeling that they were about me and the world I grew up in and they were old - very, very old.

Although it has not been plain sailing since then I can tell you I have gained great insights into myself, my life and the relationships in my life through crying these feelings out - crying every day. I have made huge strides in counselling where for about a year I had made none.

My emotions are far more open now but they still close up periodically and I have only really just started this journey. What is worth noting here is that I either feel emotional and have little to no or I am much more numb and get back pain. I don't have and back pain of note while I feel my emotions and I don't feel my emotions when I am suffering bad back pain. I have either one or the other.

I am learning to trust my emotions again and it takes time - a lot of time.

Now for the site - It is http://www.cyquest.com/pathway/index.html

The introduction is written in an 'interesting' style - don't be put off. Read through the whole thing - it is very practical and very very relevent to understanding repressed emotions and associated problems. For people with addictive problems - read the section on patterns you will find it interesting. I have found other links from the site to be far less useful than the site itself.

I think about the words on this site every single day in combination with my counsellor it has given me great direction.

I could be here in a few weeks telling you this has been a red herring and my problems are not in fact on the mend - But somehow I don't think I will.

Please take time to read through this site - triggers for repressed emotions can happen at any time - but you have to know when your emotions are trying to tell you something and be there to listen.

Simon


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Kristin

98 Posts

Posted - 10/09/2006 :  12:09:36  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Thank you Simon. I can see that this could be very useful as a supplement for TMS work. It's already got me thinking differently after reading through a portion of it.
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spacegirl74

Italy
27 Posts

Posted - 02/06/2007 :  08:48:42  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I found this thread today while on a search for tips about journaling. Thank you for posting this article, it is very enlightening.
I have a problem, though. When the article says "do not judge yourself...tell yourself it's ok to feel that way", I can't picture me doing that. One of my personality traits is to expect a lot of myself, to be perfect, to be liked by everyone, etc. I'm afraid to write down my thoughts and, when reading them, think "What an horrible person I am!"

Did anyone else have the same problem and overcome it?
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Singer_Artist

USA
1515 Posts

Posted - 02/06/2007 :  10:27:50  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Great article 2scoops...Thank you for sharing it with us!
Blessings,
Karen
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Singer_Artist

USA
1515 Posts

Posted - 02/06/2007 :  10:32:06  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Spacegirl,
Don't be so hard on yourself! We are all only human..And all of our emotions are valid, as long as we don't hurt others with them...which, unfortunately..MANY people do. The trick is to find a way to release these feelings without dumping them on someone else, which is exactly what this article talks about..I have been on the receiving end of someone releasing their anger about someone/something else..most likely from some other time and place even..We all have..It isn't pleasant, but it is part of life..Again..be gentle with yourself!
Hugs and blessings,
Karen
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armchairlinguist

USA
1397 Posts

Posted - 02/06/2007 :  15:58:42  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Spacegirl, I think most of us have had to overcome our tendency of judging ourselves. I have made some progress by just trying it persistently. Say to yourself words like "It's okay to feel this way". Try to listen with your inner child's perspective to get a response. Sometimes the response can be quite strong. You might feel sad, relieved, cry. People so rarely say these things to us. You might still disbelieve yourself at first, so your reaction would be skeptical. That's okay, just say "I know you don't believe me yet but it's really okay." Try to keep saying it. Or pretend you are a good friend of yours and comfort you. Gradually by doing things like this I was able to come in contact with the part of myself I locked off, the part that really believed it was okay to be me.

--
Wherever you go, there you are.
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spacegirl74

Italy
27 Posts

Posted - 02/07/2007 :  01:59:20  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Karen and Armchairlinguist,
thank you very much for your feedback. I promise I will try my best not to judge myself and to be gentle with myself. My therapist says I have to embrace my inner child and reassure her, but be firm with her. I guess this will be part of the embrace.
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