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alix
USA
434 Posts |
 Posted - 10/27/2014 : 00:17:09
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| alfaman147, finding another job may not work the way you think and may not help your pain. I believe that you should try to connect with the negative emotions attached to your boss, job duties, colleagues, or whatever bothers you about that place. |
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alfaman147
United Kingdom
48 Posts |
Posted - 10/27/2014 : 09:34:49
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| Basically what rectal symptoms did you have, what it felt like and what u did to get over it. My tms therapist says it's my job causing alot of problems and I agree with her. I just don't want to get another job and have this problem again. My problems started with a stressful time at work and now anytime I am stressed or anxious my ass feels like it's clenched up and like I have a ball lodged in there. My job is stressful but it's not as bad as it was. But for some reason this job makes my pain worse. I think I must subconsciously link my pain with this job. I want to leave it but just worry another job will make it worse. Or do I just go for it and be positive??? |
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Carolyn
184 Posts |
Posted - 10/28/2014 : 09:20:54
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I'm not sure leaving your job is the answer. We tend to take our problems with us wherever we go- or we subconsciously recreate them in our new situation, however you look at it. Having a lot of stress certainly doesn't help the situation though. So things you can do that relieve your stress, meditation, making time for things you like,changing your attitude about the stress will certainly help. Possibly a new situation or job where you are not so ingrained in negative patterns may help- just don't expect it to be the magic cure or you will probably be disappointed.
I am far enough past my pelvic/rectal pain problems that I'd probably have to look back at my old posts in order to tell you accurately exactly what I went through. I know I had shifting symptoms that all involved a feeling of extreme muscle tension down there and I do remember that it was awful and overwhelming and seemed like there was no way out. But there is.... it's just not going to happen overnight and there is no special cure for pelvic pain - the advice you get from someone with back pain or GERD is going to be the same. Probably the only way I can help you more specifically is by validating that this horrible pelvic/rectal pain is absolutely, unequivocally caused by repressed emotions and the cure is in accepting this fully. You have to really accept this and then be willing to feel the emotions though to get it to budge and then most likely it will reappear somewhere else. You need to be watching for this and don't greet it with despair, let it deepen your understanding of TMS and strengthen your belief in your power to control it. It is true that there is no cure for TMS but I live with it and it only rises to the level of an annoyance from time to time and there are long stretches of time when I don't think about it at all. When it comes, I don't fear it and it usually moves on only to eventually emerge as something different. I think that is the goal- and it involves accepting that some pain is part of life and your body doesn't have to be 100% perfect for it to be OK.
Over the years, I come back occasionally and there are always new people on here- what I observe are either people that seem to embrace that it is psychological and they get better and then there are those that keep coming back and asking the same questions over and over hoping that someone will tell them what physical action or therapy they should undertake to cure their pain. They often just stay stuck there- never hearing the response that they want to of the magic cure and jumping from one therapy to another. That's why I say that I don't have any special advice for your pelvic pain- you don't really have pelvic pain, you have psychological angst that you happen to be experiencing right now as pelvic pain. If you try to treat it as though it has a physical cause, it will get worse not better. Ask anyone who has gotten better from whatever they were suffering from, therapies invariably make it worse. Perhaps you have to try all the therapies to convince yourself - I am stubborn like that too- but do it mindfully so that when the new pelvic floor massage worsens your symptoms instead of helping them, you are aware that you knew that would happen. If you pay attention and let go of your belief that you can find the cure if you just search hard enough, you will start to get better- and then you will know.
Carolyn |
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alfaman147
United Kingdom
48 Posts |
Posted - 10/30/2014 : 10:27:25
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| Hi, thanks Carolyn for replying. Just the person I wanted to hear from. I have decided not to quit my job. I'm just interested to hear what your symptoms were. Doesn't seem too many folks on here with my problem. I feel like i have this huge pressure up in my rectum or anus. Feels like i need to go to the toilet all the time. When I pass gas or have a poop it feels a bit better but I think I'm clenched back there all day and it's out of my control. The big question is I found that after a few visits to a pelvic floor therapist she suggested internal massage. As I am doing this is feels a lot of relief. However a cbt therapist I saw said I should stop doing it because it's just reinforcing the problem. But my new tms therapist says she doesn't see a problem with it. She does advise meditation and relaxation but she says it's ok to massage. What are your views on this? Sometimes I feel a flutter back there and a feeling of release briefly for like 2 seconds and then it just cramps up again. |
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tennis tom
USA
4746 Posts |
Posted - 10/30/2014 : 11:10:44
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Don't want to make light of this but you could always kill two birds with one stone making lemonade out of lemons, quit your mechanic's job and become a male escort.   What kind of cars do you work on, I'm guessing Italians. I just flipped a nice Alfa Spyder Graduate. It ran great, sold it before it didn't. Looking at building a Mini Moke, maybe an electric one that would be a screamer and a Morgan with an LS2, "vette engine.
Cheers,
tt/lsmft
p.s. If you've got TMS, it's against the protocol to doing anything physical for it with the mind-set that it's structural. It's OK for symptomatic relief like taking meds, but one has to address the underlying emotional issues to "cure" the TMS.
==================================================
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
==================================================
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Jiddu Krishnamurti
"Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional." Author Unknown
"Happy People Are Happy Putters." Frank Nobilo, Golf Analyst
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." Mark Twain and Balto
"The hot-dog is the noblest of dogs; it feeds the hand that bites it." Dr. Laurence Johnston Peter
"...the human emotional system was not designed to endure the mental rigors of a tennis match." Dr. Allen Fox
"Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise" - Thomas Gray
"All my friends in Los Angeles are the sensitive type. They all have like all the diseases like Chronic Fatigue, Epstien Barr, Fibromyalgia. Like all the diseases where the only symptoms seem to be you had a really crappy childhood and at the prospect of full time work ya feel kinda achy and tired."
Posted by Skizzik @ TMSHelp from comedian Maria Bamford
======================================================
"If it ends with "itis" or "algia" or "syndrome" and doctors can't figure out what causes it, then it might be TMS." Dave the Mod
=================================================
TMS PRACTITIONERS:
John Sarno, MD
400 E 34th St, New York, NY 10016
(212) 263-6035
Dr. Sarno is now retired, if you call this number you will be referred to his associate Dr. Rashbaum.
"...there are so many things little and big that are tms, I wouldn't have time to write about all of them": Told to icelikeaninja by Dr. Sarno
Here's the TMS practitioners list from the TMS Help Forum:
http://www.tmshelp.com/links.htm
Here's a list of TMS practitioners from the TMS Wiki:
http://tmswiki.org/ppd/Find_a_TMS_Doctor_or_Therapist
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Edited by - tennis tom on 10/30/2014 11:18:26 |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 10/30/2014 : 12:32:42
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quote:
...She does advise meditation and relaxation but she says it's ok to massage...
You say she is a "TMS therapist" but what are her credentials? Did she study with Dr. Sarno?
It is a hard rule of TMS recovery to avoid all physical treatments. Your CBT therapist's advice is more consistent with Dr. Sarno's approach.
The symptom exists to grab your attention. As long as you continue to focus on it as a physical issue, it is likely to persist.
I suggest you re-read the following statement from a wise person on this thread, and react accordingly.
"Just thinking about this problem makes the pain worse." |
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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
Posted - 10/30/2014 : 21:39:33
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Hi Alf,
I see you jumped to Carolyn’s thread with the same question to get a more favorable answer. I have seen this before with new TMS posters for they are looking for reinforcement for what they believe is wrong physically, and they are looking for connection from someone with the similar issues.
Connecting with someone here helps rule out the physical as being harmful to us, as we get the support and understanding that our issues are benign even though they are quite painful. It seems to be a constant battle as our pain is chronic and continuing. I’ve noticed here, as Carolyn has, that people’s pain subsides as they begin to focus on psychological reasons behind their pain.
Alf, you avoided my question: “What if any of Dr. Sarno’s work have you read, or did you just find out about TMS some other way?” May I ask this question again?
It is really essential to read a TMS book, if you don’t have one or are undecided which one to read there are many people here to help you, or perhaps your TMS therapist can advise.
In the mean time here are 12 daily reminders that are derived from one of Dr Sarno’s books; “Healing Back Pain”. I note you do not have a bad back!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmDB1U3z1Yk
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
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alfaman147
United Kingdom
48 Posts |
Posted - 10/31/2014 : 07:31:59
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| I have just purchased by Dr schubiner, mind body syndrome or something like that. I am going to start to read it all the way through. My problem is I am always searching for a diagnosis. I always look in the index of these books to search for anal pain or rectum pain. To be honest I think I am clenching this whole area. I can catch myself doing it. I'm going to stop with all the pt and just try and carry on with my life. And also try to stop clenching. I think this is why the pain eases a bit when I am completely distracted. And I think this is why I am almost pain free when I am on holiday or drunk or asleep. I know it is psychological but it seems to be a habit that is hard to break |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 10/31/2014 : 09:04:03
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quote:
Originally posted by alfaman147
I know it is psychological but it seems to be a habit that is hard to break
You have just described TMS in a nutshell. |
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RageSootheRatio
Canada
430 Posts |
Posted - 11/02/2014 : 18:32:44
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THANKS, all, for this very interesting thread!
ALIX:
quote:
You are absolutely right to make the distinction. For me and as I felt it, I used to go in my usual pattern of repression (googling the same stuff, reading news sites, obsessing about things, or catastrophic thinking) I could feel then a sharp increase in pain and my heart started racing. My body would get stiff. It was over. Full blown flight/fight (or what I think the flight/fight is in my case). At that stage, there was no more sitting with emotions.
And you are right. Once you are there, you realize what you have done and no matter what you think or do, it won't go away. It is a self perpetuating mode that will remain for the rest of the day.
I would have to get out of that mode first by calming down my mind by doing abdominal breathing, concentrating on my breath etc.
Monte calls it the "think clean" but he does not go into it very much. I suppose he describes more how to prevent entering the fight/flight mode by thinking clean, be present etc. But if you get into the flight/fight mode then mindfulness/relaxation is the key to get out of it.
Abigail Steidley's old ebook was more detailed and described the process very accurately.
After a long search on my computer I think I found it ! I have her pdf book, 'Hear Your Soul, Heal Yourself', I think that's the one you mean. (?) Thanks for that, I will see if her "Fight or Flight Release" on page 39 works for me or not.
EMILSEN/BRITT:
quote:
RSR!
I can identify with your thoughts and questions about "sitting with emotions".
You say: "I can DEFINITELY be IN fight / flight mode while NOT BE in" catastrophic thinking fashion."
Me too! In fact, I think I am in fight / flight mode all the time (maybe more freeze mode). As you, these are the emotions I have focused on, while "sitting".
Thanks so much for letting me know I'm not the only one, and for helping to clarify this whole discussion about "sitting w/ emotions."
It seems that both Carolyn and Alix (and Monte) experienced something very tangibly, recognizably "visceral" / positive / a release / relaxation of some kind, which let them know they were on the right track. A la ACE1, it is all about 'reducing tension" it seems.
I have been listening to Monte again. I guess my main problem is that it is SO terribly painful for me to "sit with emotions" that I prefer to go into my usual 'repression' patterns so I can avoid them. <sigh> Or, perhaps it is that it isn't really the EMOTIONS, but the 'fight or flight' where it seems, 'sitting with' doesn't work for that.
I will see if I can get anywhere with Abigail's ideas, if I can 'make myself' (strain?) wade through her book.
~RSR |
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RageSootheRatio
Canada
430 Posts |
Posted - 11/02/2014 : 18:37:06
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THANKS, all, for this very interesting thread!
ALIX:
quote:
You are absolutely right to make the distinction. For me and as I felt it, I used to go in my usual pattern of repression (googling the same stuff, reading news sites, obsessing about things, or catastrophic thinking) I could feel then a sharp increase in pain and my heart started racing. My body would get stiff. It was over. Full blown flight/fight (or what I think the flight/fight is in my case). At that stage, there was no more sitting with emotions.
And you are right. Once you are there, you realize what you have done and no matter what you think or do, it won't go away. It is a self perpetuating mode that will remain for the rest of the day.
I would have to get out of that mode first by calming down my mind by doing abdominal breathing, concentrating on my breath etc.
Monte calls it the "think clean" but he does not go into it very much. I suppose he describes more how to prevent entering the fight/flight mode by thinking clean, be present etc. But if you get into the flight/fight mode then mindfulness/relaxation is the key to get out of it.
Abigail Steidley's old ebook was more detailed and described the process very accurately.
After a long search on my computer I think I found it ! I have her pdf book, 'Hear Your Soul, Heal Yourself', I think that's the one you mean. (?) Thanks for that, I will see if her "Fight or Flight Release" on page 39 works for me or not.
EMILSEN/BRITT:
quote:
RSR!
I can identify with your thoughts and questions about "sitting with emotions".
You say: "I can DEFINITELY be IN fight / flight mode while NOT BE in" catastrophic thinking fashion."
Me too! In fact, I think I am in fight / flight mode all the time (maybe more freeze mode). As you, these are the emotions I have focused on, while "sitting".
Thanks so much for letting me know I'm not the only one, and for helping to clarify this whole discussion about "sitting w/ emotions."
It seems that both Carolyn and Alix (and Monte) experienced something very tangibly, recognizably "visceral" / positive / a release / relaxation of some kind, which let them know they were on the right track. A la ACE1, it is all about 'reducing tension" it seems.
I have been listening to Monte again. I guess my main problem is that it is SO terribly painful for me to "sit with emotions" that I prefer to go into my usual 'repression' patterns so I can avoid them. <sigh> Or, perhaps it is that it isn't really the EMOTIONS, but the 'fight or flight' where it seems, 'sitting with' doesn't work for that.
I will see if I can get anywhere with Abigail's ideas, if I can 'make myself' (strain?) wade through her book.
~RSR |
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Emilsen
Denmark
12 Posts |
Posted - 11/03/2014 : 05:15:50
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Hi Carolyn,
How are you? I have been taking a break, to concentrate on my emotional work and the input I have received from you and the others on the forum. My pelvic problems remains unchanged, but I have seen a greater variation in the flow of other symptoms. I find myself still trying to "figure it out". Over analyzing is my middle name, and logical thinking (there is a solution to every problem…) is how my brain works. Maybe that's why I became an engineer, but in this term it seems to be my biggest challenge. It's hard, but I'm working on it.
RSR:
It seems we have a very similar experience with Montes "sitting with emotions".
You wrote: "Or, perhaps it is that it isn't really the EMOTIONS, but the 'fight or flight' where it seems, 'sitting with' doesn't work for that."
This is EXACTLY what I have been thinking about.
I am confused about what it is, I am feeling. Is it an emotion or could it, as you say, be my fight/flight mode. I have also been wondering if I have actually reinforced my fight/flight mode, if that is what I have been focusing on, instead of releasing emotions….
It is hard to explain. As I wrote earlier, what I am feeling when I do the "sitting with emotions" is very physical. I do not focus on my pelvic floor issues, but just try to feel "inside". And it is AWFUL!!! Palpitations, tingling throughout the body, twitches, jitter, knot in my stomach, tightening of the chest, a lot of turmoil, inner restlessness, etc.
I'm working on, what alix suggested, to focus on it from moment to moment throughout the day, instead of taking the "big tour". But I am still confused, and in doubt that I reach into my "real emotions".
It would be interesting to hear from others how they distinguish between the fight/flight mode versus emotions.
Miehnesor:
Thank you for your reply!
I must admit, that I am very little in contact with my inner child.
You seem to have been able to release your emotions. You wrote:
"Then I waited till the pounding ramped up to maximum level and then just let the emotion-rage-come out."
I think it is similar to what I have been trying with "sitting with emotions", but I have not experienced the release part.
I will look into the books you have recommended!
Alfaman:
I have been feeling guilty about not answering some of your previous posts.
I have in the last 1.5 year had symptoms similar to yours. I can see, that you have needed to hear from someone, who shares the same symptoms and have been healed. I am not "healed" nor pain free. Yet!
I can certainly understand your need for a fellow sufferer, and the reassuring element in hearing from someone, who can tell you that it is definitely TMS and not something else. If I had been in contact with Carolyn when all this started, I am sure I would have bombarded her with questions about my symptoms, in an attempt to convince myself that it's TMS. But I knew deep inside, I had to find that belief within myself. I know now that IT IS TMS, I'm no longer looking for other explanations or diagnoses. This is the first step you need to reach before you can move on, and even after that it's hard work!
I try not to focus on my symptoms (talking and writing about them are focus…), but I know that you need to hear them, so here they are.
I have a constant rectal pressure, as if I need to go all the time. When I go to the toilet, there is only a little relief, sometimes none at all. I have difficulty with having a bowel movement, but I'm not constipated. When I am standing up, it feels at times, as if the rectum is falling out. A heaviness weighing down on the entire pelvic floor. Being a female, I also have vaginal pressure, bladder symptoms, itching and burning sensations, painful stinging and involuntary contractions of the entire pelvic floor. Sitting is very painful in the entire pelvic floor, but the rectal pressure is less. When I lie down, it eases the symptoms.
I have been through numerous tests: Gynaecological scans, sigmoidscopy, proctoscopy, MRI - normal and dynamic, transit time, etc. Result: No prolapse or anything that could explain my symptoms. I've been to several urogynecologists and PT, but they don't think that my pelvic floor muscles are particularly tight. So I do not fit into the Pelvic floor dysfunction diagnosis (which I believe is also TMS). The only muscle that is very sore is the Obturator internus. This inevitably led to concerns about pudendal neuralgia. Don't Google it !!! You can find all sorts of horrible stories on other forums, do not go there!!!. Alix has been so kind to write me, and he must be the expert in this area. He believes that PN is TMS and I believe him.
I have been offered botox injections, and having my uterus removed!!!! Hmmm ...
I dismissed these "offers", and returned to Sarno. Despite my still lack of success, I hope and believe that I will overcome this too. Just remember that, what has worked for one is not necessarily right for you. You have to find your own way, and maybe, like me, a lot of detours first.
I hope you can find comfort in knowing I have similar symptoms, although I do not have any recipe for you.
All the best to you all!
Britt |
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RageSootheRatio
Canada
430 Posts |
Posted - 11/03/2014 : 06:58:13
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EMILSEN/ BRITT:
Actually, Abigail Steidley (who had vulvodynia, interstitial cystitis, and a few other “chronic” pain syndromes who treated them as TMS and gives a lot of credit to Sarno) DOES seem to explain in detail the whole fight/flight issue, and distinguishes working with that part of the mind/body from what she calls "experiencing emotions". I am still wading through her book since I last posted, but her "protocol" for dealing w/ fight/flight IS the most detailed and clear I've seen. (thanks again, Alix!!)
I've only tried parts of her fight/flight relaxation protocol since last night, but it does look quite promising to me. Her e-book (Hear your soul Heal Yourself) is no longer freely available on her web site, (she has a new site now) but is for sale in her shop, bundled with audio (mp3). She has a NEW downloadable e-book, but a quick skim-through now didn't show the fight/flight info. She does however mention Sarno and I think her new "kindness" focus is spot-on. (In her new book, the free downloadable one, she does explain very clearly 'how to experience emotions'. Google her name if you want, to find her site.
Having said that, I do know a lot of reading and thinking can just be a "distraction" itself, as Monte so eloquently talks about, and as Alix explained too, in this thread. I do know for myself, that THINKING often just ADDS STRAIN. I often tell myself that I cannot think myself out of this, that I have to let my body do the work.
I too wondered about the same line from MIEHSNOR:
quote:
"Then I waited till the pounding ramped up to maximum level and then just let the emotion-rage-come out."
MIEHSNOR: What does "come out" mean? ? ? What did that LOOK like (say, to someone observing?) Was there any BEHAVIOR (like shouting or hitting something, throwing something, etc.), or was it just an internal FEELING?
Also Britt .. I have reviewed some of my Monte notes, and I think there are "clues."
My notes say that he says in part:
quote:
5. As you stay with the feeling, whatever is there, keep breathing into it and being present with it. Avoid the need to analyze it, judge it, find blame or negotiate with it. Stop any of the reasoning stuff and be with your feeling.
6. That's it. When the uncomfortable-ness is gone you are done.
A couple of times a day for two or three minutes will provide big, huge benefits.
So, based on Carolyn and Alix's experiences that they FEEL a release/ relaxation viscerally, and Monte's implying that the "uncomfortable-ness is gone" and it should only be a two-or-three minute thing (and not, say a whole hour with feelings ESCALATING) .. then I'd say that anything that doesn't feel better within 5 minutes is probably fight / flight and another tool would be more appropriate?
OH.. edited to add ... I've just skimmed Abigail's book again, and she ALSO talks about doing her protocol for just 3-5 minutes and then moving onto something else, even if nothing happens/ shifts.
This is long enough for now, but I will post again with some other thoughts / updates this week probably!
RSR |
Edited by - RageSootheRatio on 11/03/2014 07:12:55 |
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alix
USA
434 Posts |
Posted - 11/03/2014 : 09:38:50
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RSR: That is exactly the ebook I used. To be honest, her getting out of fight/flight mode is more complicated than necessary but the general idea she conveys is accurate.
I simply did abdominal breathing, I concentrated on my breath, and tried as best as I could to not think (basic meditation/mindfulness).
Her new free ebook is great for dealing with emotions. Between that new ebook and Monte's explanation on his website, I feel that it covers dealing with emotions completely.
I could recognize the fight/flight mode by my accelerated heart rate, the pain being very noticeable, and by being completely unable mentally to delve into emotions. |
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miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 11/03/2014 : 17:47:23
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quote:
Originally posted by Emilsen
Miehnesor:
Thank you for your reply!
I must admit, that I am very little in contact with my inner child.
You seem to have been able to release your emotions. You wrote:
"Then I waited till the pounding ramped up to maximum level and then just let the emotion-rage-come out."
I think it is similar to what I have been trying with "sitting with emotions", but I have not experienced the release part.
I will look into the books you have recommended!
Britt
Emilsen,
It took me some time before I was able to understand that feeling in the body. At first I thought it was just stand alone repressed fear. Then, believe it or not, the rage just exploded out of me once just like Helen in the MBP. It was then clear to me that the feeling was fear of the repressed rage. The fear feeling was the key clue that repressed rage was just hiding below the surface of consciousness. With this awareness I proceeded to work through these feelings of fear of the rage and then the rage itself. This took about 2 years of therapy to work through and even now it is not gone but greatly reduced. In therapy I would reproduce the fear feeling with inner child meditation and then would start hitting a couch pillow. Once the hitting started then the rage would just come and I would scream it out as loud as I could and keep pounding on the couch. Not fun for sure but much preferable then suffering from awful symptoms.
It seems I had chronic TMS Dark. After letting the steam out I now have chronic TMS Light. |
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Carolyn
184 Posts |
Posted - 11/03/2014 : 22:26:02
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I took a few days off and look at all the great stuff here in my absence. Where to even begin...
Alfaman- I realize I didn't tell you exactly what my symptoms were but honestly it is because I was really trying to make the point that the exact symptoms were not important as they've changed so many times since then but I will say that reading Britt's description was a pretty good summary although before it settled into the rectum, it moved around my pelvis for a very long time as vulvodynia, interstitial cystitis etc etc etc. I also found it to be relieved by laying down and it got progressively worse throughout the day. If yours gets better or worse when you go on vacation- then you should KNOW it is TMS- that's the biggest red flag there is. It was noticing inconsitancies like that that convinced me.
Andy64- Yes! That is what I see in the people that don't get better, the same cyclic pattern where they keep coming on and asking the same question each time looking for a different answer than they got- and each time the focus of the question being on the symptom. Maybe they ask a few questions about the emotional causes but then like clockwork, they are back asking about the symptom with a new theory. Alfaman- don't fall into that trap- don't let that be you!! We all have them, but you cannot see your own patterns so if someone points them out to you, see it as a gift. We are all in the same boat here. You know it- you said "My problem is I am always searching for a diagnosis. I always look in the index of these books to search for anal pain or rectum pain"
I did regular PT and the internal massage- uncomfortable and rather humiliating, and as Brit said has been suggested for her, I had my uterus out, I had botox injected into my anal sphincter twice. I was SURE I had pudendal neuralgia and you are right Britt- Don't google it or you will "catch" it. I had lots of therapies because it is in my nature to need to 'fix' it and take control. I almost allowed them to cut my external sphincter muscle but by then I suspected what was going on and I had found this site and I came on and someone talked me out of it. I am so glad- that could have left me with permanent "real" problems. It seems like physical therapy couldn't hurt but it really made it so much worse and it made it move. As I came back every session with worse and changing symptoms, the therapist said to me "sometimes you have to feel the emotions to get the tension to leave" and another bell went off as I realized that even the physical therapist though it was emotional. The healing really only did come when I stopped everything and started journaling every single night. I read and re-read as many books as I could until I started realizing the message was the same in all of them- so many people coming to the same realization. It didn't happen overnight- two steps forward- one step back- but I took a mental note of everything and when I felt the familiar pain, I trained myself to immediately focus on my emotions- like 'take that (to my gremlin)- you will be punished with emotional pain every time you give me physical pain so why bother'.
Through this process, I did allow myself a few things to lessen the pain. I think pain meds are fine, I used to walk around with those thermacare wraps in my underwear or sit on a heating pad and spend a lot of time in my hot tub to keep it relaxed down there. I also had some nitroglycerine cream that would relax the sphincter enough to 'go' though it gives you a wicked headache and I meditated several times a day. I tried to be very clear in my mind that these were not treatments but ways of keeping my autonomic nervous system calmed so that I could do my 'work'.
Britt- from your posts you seem to be exactly on the right track. Your symptoms are quite similar to what many of mine were and you seem to have accepted it for what it is. Just keep at it. It was not just a 'book cure' for me either- and honestly I no longer remember how long it took. Incidentally, I am a scientist so I relate to your engineer's over-analytical- and how do I fix this? approach.
Finally- I find the discussion of what is feeling the emotions and what is fight or flight so interesting as I have been wondering about anxiety as just another distraction and therefore leaning into it being more like feeding the TMS. Thanks for the suggestion of further reading- I am going to go check it out.
Carolyn |
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alix
USA
434 Posts |
Posted - 11/03/2014 : 23:29:53
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Carolyn,
I experienced anxiety a year ago in the middle of working on emotions. It came after a death in the family. It lasted about a month and it just went away. I kept plowing through with my work on emotions. That was also the only time in my life I experienced anxiety. It never came back so it is not that I have some great wisdom to share. But it reminds me of a video that I think shawnsmith had posted a couple of years ago. It was Dr. Eric Robins, a urologist at Kaiser Permanente (and Sarno enthusiast) that was suffering with back pain but later on it morphed into severe anxiety:
http://youtu.be/Au4QnLXvBIM
Oh, and yes, don't go on pudendal sites. I know it pretty well. I was a moderator on one of them for several years. It is complete nonsense. The success rate with physical modalities is nil.
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Edited by - alix on 11/04/2014 00:00:44 |
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alfaman147
United Kingdom
48 Posts |
Posted - 11/04/2014 : 07:09:20
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| Emilsen, thanks for the reply. Yes it seems we have the same symptoms apart from the lady issues lol. Yes I just have this ache and pressure all day. However I have just noticed that I keep clenching the upper part of my buttocks tight. All the time and I don't even realise I'm doing it. It's bizarre. I can be standing there and then realise I am holding my butt muscles together. It's sort of between my ass and tailbone. Not sure it this is the cause but I'm certainly going to try and stop doing it.this may explain why the feeling goes away when I'm drunk. It may be my subconscious over protecting that area. A few top tips but it's a big no no really but internal anal massage helps alot. Also wedging a big lump of tissue between my buttocks helps too. It kind of keeps the muscles from clenching tight. I am going to stop though because it just reinforces the problem. I'm glad in a way to see that a few of us have this issue. I thought I was alone. My anus sometimes feels like it's burning and my whole area sort of tingles too. |
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ajm222
15 Posts |
Posted - 11/04/2014 : 07:36:25
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quote:
Originally posted by alfaman147
My anus sometimes feels like it's burning and my whole area sort of tingles too.
i also have this problem. i had an anal fissure when i was 20 and had to have 2 surgeries to repair it. it's been 18 years since then, and during 10 years of that time, while on anti-depressants, i was fine. but i had to get off of them and ever since then i've been plagued by this idea that the surgery made things down there too tight and narrow and i'm obsessed with having normal bowel movements which i feel i don't. i often go without too much trouble (depends on how stressed i am), but they seem smaller than normal. i also struggle with pain and sensitivity in that area on occasion (used to be much worse) and there really should be no reason for it. i've been to my old surgeon a couple of times and some others in his office and they said everything down there looks perfectly normal and should allow for normal-sized bowel movements, but i convinced myself they just don't want to tell me the truth because they did the surgery, or perhaps they just don't want what they are talking about. when i am relaxed, i don't really have trouble going. but i always worry about getting constipated and having one that is too large and maybe even tearing things again. and i just can't go about my day normally until i've gone to the bathroom in the morning. like i said, i didn't worry about this stuff much when i was medicated. i also suffered from some of the other issues you describe, like the sensation of sitting on a ball and always feeling the need to go, but i've moved past some of that to a degree. but i still obsess about it. when things were worse in the past, i would also find that getting drunk would give me a break from both the uncomfortable sensations and the obsessions. i think this seemingly simple and unconscious (for most people) process of going to the bathroom is actually a complicated coordination of muscles and that if you start worrying about it and overthinking things, it can really start to throw things off. oh, and i also feel like all my stress is directed toward that area. it's like the mind and body need to pick a spot to focus and unload that negative energy and for some it's the back and others it's the butt. |
Edited by - ajm222 on 11/04/2014 07:38:22 |
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ajm222
15 Posts |
Posted - 11/04/2014 : 07:40:47
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| also Carolyn's comment about vacation was interesting because oddly enough when i go to the bathroom at work (5 days per week) things usually go much better, but on the weekends at home not so much. and there really shouldn't be any reason for that difference except psychological. |
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I'm chasing my TMS around and around
